


The equation of love

by conehead



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, F/F, Fencing, Fluff, Slow Burn, Tutoring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-04 15:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 57,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13367631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conehead/pseuds/conehead
Summary: Clarke needs a calculus tutor and ends up getting a lot more than she bargained for.





	1. The beginning

“How are your classes going?” her mother asks over dinner. 

 

“Good.” Clarke shrugs, hunger overtaking her desire to elaborate as she starts shoveling the stir fry into her mouth.

 

But it seems that answer doesn’t satisfy her mother. “Really? Care to share?”

 

Clarke stops her hand just as the fork was about to touch her lips. Containing her sigh, she sets it down on her plate and looks up at her mom. “Sure. I got a hundred on my lit essay and an A on my chem report, I have a new project in APUSH that I actually got a decent partner for so that’s good and my art project is coming along nicely, even though it’s not finished, Ms Jenkins says it could win the art show.”

 

“That would not surprise me either. You will have to remind me when that is, so I don’t miss it. What about math?” Abby asks and Clarke groans hoping she could have gotten away without that coming up.

 

“it’s fine.” She says and almost winces at how unconvincing that sounded.

 

“How did you do on your first exam?”

 

“Um...okay?”

 

“Was that a question?” Her mother question, giving Clarke her full attention and her that don’t try me look.

 

“No?”

 

“Clarke.”

 

“What?” She practically squeaks out.

 

“What did you score? You know I won’t be upset, I just want to know how you are doing academically.” Abby tries and only receives a grumble in return. “What was that?”

 

Clarke sighs before bracing herself on the table. “A 71.”

 

“I thought math was one of your best subjects, is everything okay?” Abby asks, voice laced with concern.

 

“Derivatives are hard okay? And they serve no purpose, so I don’t know why they exist.” She says exasperatedly, shoving another fork full of food in her mouth.

 

“Will they be tested on later?”

 

She swallows thickly and takes a sip of her water. “Uh I think so?”

 

“And what is your plan?”

 

“For what?”

 

“For understanding the material and doing well on the next exam.”

 

“Oh, well, you see,” Clarke starts, leaning back in her chair. “I don’t have one.”

 

“Clarke” Abby says in exasperated tone

 

“Okay okay, fine I’ll talk to Mr. Jones tomorrow about getting help.

 

“Good.” her mother says with a nod “Have you finished your early decision and admission applications?”

 

“I have until the first of November.”

 

“Your classes are going to start picking up and you have the time now”

 

\-----

 

“Okay class, finish the last eight problems for homework, we’ll go over them at the beginning of class tomorrow, if you have any questions please feel free to come by during free period.” The math teacher says, wiping the board clean as the class packs up. Clarke lingers, waiting for the right moment to approach him.

 

“Mr. Jones?” She catches his attention and he turns, a smile crinkling his face when he spots her.

 

“Ah Clarke, right? How can I help you?”

 

“Well, as you might know, I didn’t do very well on the first exam.” A look of understanding passes over his face and he seems to be coming up with the best way to let he down gently.

 

“I’m sorry, but I cannot offer any individual extra-credit, I can give you some practice-”

 

“No, that’s not- I don’t want extra credit. Maybe some extra practice, but I was wondering if you knew any tutors…? I just don’t think I’ll be able to figure it out on my own.”

 

“Hmm.” Is the only response she gets and then she can only see his back as he moves to his computer. She’s a little confused, only hearing clicks, but nothing else from her teacher. Is that it? Is she dismissed? Clarke rocks back and forth on her feet a few times and as she’s coming to the decision that she’d rather not be late to her next class for nothing, he turns to face her again with a post-it note in his hand.

 

“I do believe Mrs. Ripley is available, however, if you would be more comfortable with one of your peers I have a list of student tutors as well.” Mrs. Ripley wasn’t ideal, she smelled like old cheese and took what seemed like five years to make a point, so if Clarke had her choice, it wouldn’t be her.

 

“I think I would do better with another student.”

 

“Very well, for Calculus we have John Murphy, Raven Reyes, and Lexa Woods, signed up this semester.”

 

Well, Raven was out of the question, after the whole Finn thing over the summer, things were still a bit tense between them and she would probably help Clarke fail before helping her pass. Clarke had no idea Murphy got good grades let alone was interested in helping people succeed, she didn’t think they would meld together. That left Lexa, the stoic girl who she doesn’t think knows how to smile. While that didn’t mean she wasn’t smart, Clarke didn’t know how well their personalities would go together.  At this point though, Clarke was desperate, and Lexa might be her only hope.

 

“Would you like me to contact one for you?” Mr. Jones voice brings her out of her thoughts and she hopes that she wasn’t spaced out for long, but judging by the slightly worried face and easy tone of the teacher, she suspects she was.

 

“No thanks, I think it would be better if I did it myself.”

 

“Very well, best get to your next class. I’ll write you a note since you’ll be a few minutes late.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

\---

 

At the end of the day Clarke waits by Octavia’s locker, hoping her friend would be able to point her in the direction of her possible tutor. They were both on the fencing team and even though Octavia always complained about Lexa’s standoffish demeanor, she had to know something about her teammates schedule and whereabouts.

 

“Oomph-hey O” She greets her best friend who is currently koala’d on her back.

 

“What’s up doc junior?” Octavia asks with a grin. “We going to your place today?”

 

“Actually, I need to do something first.” She says, shrugging off the brunette. “Do you know where I could find Lexa?”

 

“Lexa as in Lexa Woods? Fencing captain Lexa Woods.” Octavia questions somewhat incredulously.

 

“Is there another Lexa at our school?”

 

“No, which is why I’m confused. Why do you want to find her?”

 

“I need her help.” Clarke shrugs. “do you know where she might be right now?”

 

“You need Lexa Woods’ help.” Octavia deadpans

 

“Yes,” She says becoming slightly annoyed at the lack of direction this conversation has. “and you aren’t being any right now so unless you can tell me, I’m going to go.” She points down the hallway and raises a questioning brow, hoping for something.

 

“If we don’t have practice, she usually goes to the library.”

 

“Here?”

 

“No, public”

 

“Thank you!” She says and turns excitedly, ready to find Lexa. She pauses after a few steps and looks back at her friend. “you’re still coming over Saturday, right?” She throws over her shoulder.

 

“Yeah yeah, like you still have to ask, I’m still coming over today too.”

 

“You never know…” She smirks.

 

“It was one time!”

 

“Bye, Octavia!”

 

“Third floor Clarke!”

 

With one last wave and over exaggerated air kiss later, she grasps the straps of her backpack, walks out of the school entrance, and makes her way to the library with a newfound confidence coursing through her. However, as she starts her climb towards the third floor, every step becomes a little less steady and a little more hesitant, as the surge of confidence dissipates. She had no idea how to approach the other girl, let alone how to talk to her. Clarke could count their interactions together on one hand and none of them lasted more than a minute and most of the talking, well babbling, was on her end. She didn’t know what about the brunette made her so tongue-tied, but coherent sentencing was not her strong suit around her.

 

The only thing that pushes her forward is the need to do well in school. If it didn’t make her feel physically ill at the thought, she would be anywhere but here. She glances around and notices a few people scattered around the computers and tables, but none of them are the girl she is looking for. Clarke walks past the study rooms hoping to spot her target, but all of them are empty. She’s about ready to give up and figure out another way to find Lexa, when she sees her sitting at a long table tucked away behind the bookshelves.

 

Clarke considers herself a good and devoted student, but she will never understand the people who leave school and immediately start their homework. She needs _at least_ an hour to decompress before she even considers looking at her backpack. Lexa does not seem to share the same mindset as her if the spread of textbooks and notebooks in front of her were anything to go by. Clarke tries her best to nonchalantly walk over to the table and sit at the opposite corner. She begrudgingly opens her backpack and takes out a workbook and pencil, before glancing at Lexa who has made no sign of acknowledging her presence. The brunette has head-phones on, but Clarke notices they aren’t plugged into anything.

 

After a few minutes, Clarke stands up and walks to the drinking fountain, ready to enact her plan. When she returns, she sits at a seat further in, slightly closer to Lexa and looks up at the disinterested brunette.

 

Another twenty minutes pass and Clarke makes a loop around the bookshelves before sliding into a new seat, only one away from sitting across from the brunette.

 

“You know that’s not exactly subtle.”

 

Clarke starts at the voice, looking up only to see Lexa still engrossed in her book. “What?” she asks dumbly.

 

“I’m not oblivious, you’ve been switching seats.” Lexa says, still not looking up.

 

“There was a draft” Clarke tries and starts fidgeting in her seat.

 

“Mhm”

 

She doesn’t realize she’s staring until sharp green eyes meet her own and Clarke feels trapped. Lexa raises an eyebrow at her and then darts her eyes to the table in front of Clarke, breaking the trance. Clarke follows the movement and notices she’s been absentmindedly tapping her pen. She feels her face flush and immediately stops, mutters a quick apology, and averting her eyes.

 

The quiet encapsulates them again as Lexa goes back to work and Clarke rebuilds her courage. It takes another ten minutes for her to try again.

 

“I’m-”

 

“Clarke Griffin, I’m aware.”

 

Taken aback, she takes a moment to formulate a response. “Okaay, well great. That’s great. Anyway, you know what else would be-”

 

“Great?” Lexa questions as their gazes meet again and Clarke sees a slight smirk on Lexa’s face.

 

“Yes?” She answers weakly.

 

“Being able to study in peace?”

 

“No, well I suppose, but that’s not what I was going for.”

 

“Pity” Lexa says disinterestedly before returning her attention to her work.

 

“I, uh, wanted to ask you something.” She says, and she hears Lexa sigh before looking up again. Realising her attention is the answer, Clarke is quick to continue. “You tutor calculus.”

 

“Yes” Lexa nods.

 

“I don’t understand derivatives.”

 

“Or how to ask a question apparently.” Lexa mutters.

 

“Right” Clarke moves on “Will you help me?”

 

Lexa looks at her for a moment, eyes narrowing slightly

“I’m available Mondays and Wednesdays at three and Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays after five. If you are late to two scheduled meetings we will discontinue the sessions.”

 

It takes her a second to process what Lexa said, but when she does she feels a flare of- something- pass through her. “Really?! You’ll do it?”

 

Lexa sighs again and closes her books. “I do believe that is what I said, are you sure it is math that you need help with?”

 

But Clarke is too relieved and elated to take it as an insult, instead packing her stuff up, ready to go tell her mother the good news. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay great, this is great, this is-”

 

“You’re doing it again.” Lexa remarks and Clarke shakes herself out of it, shouldering her bag to leave.

 

“Right, okay, yeah, sorry. I’m just- thank you.” Clarke says and she has to hold her self back because usually this is where she would hug someone, but she doesn’t think it would be received well.

 

“I haven’t done anything yet, you could still fail.”

 

“No, I won’t, I have you now.” Clarke beams and starts walking away.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa calls and for some reason the blonde shivers, maybe there really is a draft. She turns to see Lexa’s impassive face. “Meet here tomorrow at five, bring your last exam and we'll come up with a plan of attack.” Lexa says and then grabs her things before walking past her without another word.

 

“Bye” She says to the empty space, then quickly makes her way down the stairs and to her car with a smile on her face. Lexa Woods was going help her get through the semester. Only the biggest help won’t revolve around math.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a short one (I think), full of Clexa fluff with a dash of highschool drama, but it's Clarke and Lexa all the way. Let me know what you think! xx
> 
> Edit: I lied about it being short


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- maybe- Abby comes off a bit homophobic, it's part of Clarke's coming out process, she is not the bad guy let me stress that now. She's a little ignorant, but she s a good mom and does change with the story

If there was ever a time that Clarke felt like she was dying it wouldn’t come remotely close to what she was experiencing now. Her lungs were burning and all of her muscles felt like they were going to give out on her. God, she hated physical exertion. Quivering legs took steps two at a time causing her to slip on the last one. Luckily she had some semblance of reflex and caught the rail before she had an imprint of the library tile on her forehead. 

 

She pauses for a moment to catch her breath, which was currently somewhere between panting dog and wheezing asthmatic. Glancing at her phone, she has one minute to get to the table. Righting herself, Clarke hurries across the floor and around the bookshelves. Her destination in sight, she picks up the pace and practically dives into the seat.

 

“I made it!” She exclaims in relief.

 

“You’re late.” Lexa remarks.

 

“What?! It’s five o’clock!” Clarke looks over at the brunette who stares back with an unimpressed face.

 

“You sat down 5:01, anytime past the scheduled time is late.” Lexa says seriously and Clarke tries to see passed it, see the joke, but there was no glint in Lexa’s eye or underlying tone of jest.

 

“You’re kidding.” Clarke states, but she already knows and now she’s questioning her decision of tutor and they haven’t even started.

 

“I do not. Kid.”

 

“Right.” Clarke says awkwardly. “Well, um, should we start?”

 

“Yes, just know that was your first warning. Did you bring your materials?” Lexa asks, clearly not bothered by the conversation like Clarke is. Deciding to at least see how the actual tutoring goes before saying something that might rub Lexa the wrong way, Clarke lets out a long exhale and plasters on a smile.

 

“I did. I was hoping we could go over my homework first and save going over my exam for later if we had time or even next time.” She says, trying to be as formal as possible.

 

“That seems reasonable. I also prepared worksheets and study guides for you to go over between sessions.” Lexa states and pulls a folder full of papers out of her backpack.

 

“More homework?” Clarke groans, dropping her head on the table.

 

“Would you not like to pass?”

 

“A C is still passing and the thickness of that packet is making an A less and less appealing right now if I’m being honest.” Clarke tries to joke, but it was apparently the wrong thing to say because Lexa actually looks affronted.

 

“If you do not wish for my help, I will not waste my time being here.” Lexa says stiffly, trying to shove the folder back in her bag, but it keeps snagging on something causing Lexa’s jaw to clench and Clarke thinks this is the least composed she’s ever seen her.     

 

When she stops watching the brunettes movement and finally registers that Lexa is about to leave, Clarke springs out of her chair and grabs Lexa’s arm. For some reason the idea of Lexa leaving causes an uncomfortable churn in her stomach, but Clarke chalks it up to not liking having upset someone else. “Wait!” she says quickly and stormy green eyes snap up to meet hers. “Please don’t go, it was a joke and I’m sorry if I came across as ungrateful or whatever, but I really do need your help.” She says genuinely, before adding, “And I’m sure the worksheets will be beneficial, thank you for taking the time to make them.”

 

Lexa studies her, eyes narrowed as if trying to gage her sincerity. After a few moments Clarke receives a small nod and she lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “yes, well most mathematics you can't learn with flashcards only with practice.”

 

“That makes sense.” Clarke says nodding over emphatically to try to appease Lexa and it’s only with the bob of her head that she realises she’s still holding Lexa’s arm and quickly let’s go. A strange feeling washes over her, but she tells herself it’s from the rocky start and not from the loss of contact. 

 

The hour flies by after that, and much to Clarke’s initial doubts she finds Lexa is an incredible tutor. Her explanations are easy to follow and understand and she doesn't just give her answers, which annoyed Clarke at first, but she soon found Lexa’s way of having her talk through it actually helped. It surprised her how patient Lexa was, she didn't get annoyed, at least visibly, when Clarke forgot something they already went over multiple times or when she asked the same question over and over again. Clarke actually felt like she learned something by the end of it. 

 

So with a brief goodbye, a promise not to be late to their session tomorrow, and a slightly heavier backpack, Clarke made her way home. She was surprised when she saw her mother’s car in the garage, fully planning on having the house to herself and eating left over pizza for dinner. She quickly discards her shoes and bag by the door and starts walking through the house to find her.

 

“Mom?”

 

“In the office!” Her mother’s voice comes from down the hall and Clarke grabs an apple on her way through the house. She stops in the doorway and watches as her mom flits around the room, packing books and knick knacks into boxes on the desk.

 

“What are you doing?” She asks hesitantly, causing her mom to look up at her, blowing a fallen strand of hair out of her face.

 

“Oh, I’m making room for some of my medical journals.” Abby says, tapping a finished box and moving it to the door. “How was your day? You had your first tutoring session right?”

 

“Uh, yeah I did, it was good, they were both good.” She replies as she steps further into the room. 

 

“You teenagers and only answering with good, where’s the depth hmm?” Her mother jests, moving the chair towards the shelves. Clarke watches as she stands on it to reach the objects on the higher shelf, swallowing hard, the blonde goes over to help. “Who’s your tutor again? It isn’t that woman smells like she’s one foot out of a nursing home is it?”

 

“Um no, it’s a- she’s a student. Her name is Lexa.” Clarke says and for some reason finds herself smiling absentmindedly before shaking herself out of it. “Mom, why are you packing away dads things?” She asks tentatively. The office had remained relatively untouched for the better part of three years, neither of the houses remaining occupants ever finding the courage to use it.

 

“Oh, honey, no” Her mother stops what she’s doing, stepping down from the chair and in front of Clarke to give her full attention. “Only the books are going to be moved to the attic, unless you want some of them, everything I was just planning on reorganising.”

 

“Why now though?” She asks still confused.

 

“Well, with my grant in place, I won’t be taking on as many patients or performing as many surgeries, and I’m going to need somewhere to do my research.” 

 

“You’re going to be home more?” She asks trying to mask her hope.

 

“I’m going to try and schedule everything for when you’re in school.” Her mother says with a nod and Clarke finds herself falling into her mom's arms, the long forgotten apple falling with a thud to the floor. “What do you say we go into a little more detail about your day over dinner?”

 

“I would really like that.”

 

Clarke sat on the counter while her mother prepped the food. She couldn’t hold back her grin, today had been a great day and it was looking like it was going to be a good semester. 

 

“Is Octavia coming over tonight?” Abby asks.

 

Clarke shakes her head “She was going to, but I have a lot of homework and Lexa gave me stuff to go over before tomorrow, so she’s coming over tomorrow.” She says and her mother hums in response.

 

“Is this tutoring going to be an everyday thing?”

 

“I’m not sure,” She shrugs. “we didn’t really go over details, just got right to it.”

 

“I don’t want this impacting your other classes.” Her mother says with an air of concern to which Clarke rolls her eyes.

 

“It’s not going to, I feel less overwhelmed already and we’ve only met once.”

 

“Your life outside of class is important to, you’re still a kid.”

 

“I’m not a kid, mom” She says with another roll of her eyes.

 

“You’ll always be my kid, but fine, you’re still a teenager. You should be enjoying this time.” her mother says genuinely.

 

“And I do, I am. I can do both.” She says with a matter of fact attitude.

 

“If you say so.”

 

“I do” She says with a nod. “What about you, do you still have a social life?” She teases, but is honestly a little concerned with how isolated her mother has been for the last few years. He mother feigns a glare at her, turning back to the stove.

 

“Be useful and set the table.” 

 

Clarke grins and slides off the counter, moving to the cupboard to grab the plates and then silverware. “I’m just saying, when’s the last time you’ve been out? With anyone really.”

 

“For your information I had lunch with Mrs. Markworth today.” Abby answers as she brings over the stroganoff.

 

“Oh? And how is she?”

 

“She’s doing well considering.” Abby says and Clarke waits for her to continue, but her mother doesn’t offer anything else, only portions out their food.

 

“Considering…?” She probes

 

“The Markworths have always wanted grandchildren and their kids are of that age now.” Abby says with a sigh and it seems as though she believes Clarke will be able to fill in the gaps, but Clarke honestly has no idea what is going on.

 

“Did something happen?”

 

“Well you know Sarah ran off with a woman last year and apparently Brady just told them he was gay a month a go. Both children, can you imagine? So, there’s that.” Her mother says so simply. There’s that, as if being gay has anything to do with the ability to have kids. “I know you’re young and please don’t change that, but at least I won’t have to worry about that right?” Her mother says, taking a bite of food like that’s normal conversation.

 

And for some it might be. And really it’s a rhetorical question. Yet, something sits heavy in Clarkes stomach and the ‘right’ doesn’t reach her throat, but maybe it’s because her school is pretty progressive and she knows people that aren’t straight. That has to be it. Still, for the rest of dinner Clarke pretends she still has an appetite and plasters on a convincing smile as the conversation flows on to other things.

 

She texts Octavia as soon as she’s in her room.

 

**Clarke (7:01):** Come over?

 

**Octavia (7:03):** omw

 

Clarke pulls out her tutoring packet and collapses on bed knowing it will be at least fifteen minutes before her friend gets there.

 

Sure enough, twenty minutes later Octavia’s landing with an oomph next to her.

 

“Your mom’s home.” Octavia breaks the silence.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Seemed surprised to see me.”

 

“Told her you weren’t coming over.”

 

“Told me that too.” Octavia nudges her and Clarke finally looks over. “So?”

 

“What?”

 

And they’ve been friends long enough that they know when to push and when to move on.

 

“How’s the commander?” Her friend asks and Clarke furrows her brow.

 

“Who?”

 

“Lexa. That’s who you blew me off for today isn’t it?”

 

“I didn’t- I needed a tutor and she was the only option.” She justifies, but it feels wrong now that she knows how great of a... tutor Lexa is. 

 

“Right.”

 

“Why’d you call her commander?”

 

“Seemed more fitting than captain considering how hard she works herself and everyone on the team,” Octavia says, glancing over at the papers. “And now you apparently.” 

 

“She’s helping me.” Clarke defends.

 

“I never pictured her as one to willingly help someone.” Octavia shrugs, tossing a pen in the air.

 

“She’s your teammate.”

 

“Yeah so that should tell you something. She’s too uptight.”

 

“I think she’s just focused.”

 

“On being alone, seriously she never comes to any team social except practice and matches.”

 

“Maybe she has other things to do?”

 

“Yeah maybe, but let’s talk about something else. Did you here they caught two bus drivers groping each other in the parking lot?”

 

\-----

 

Clarke is actually on time for tutoring on Wednesday, probably because it’s right after school, but regardless she made it to the table before Lexa. Speaking of the brunette, Clarke fails to conceal her grin at the girls appearance. Lexa narrows her eyes at her as she slides into the chair across from Clarke. 

 

“Something funny, Clarke?” Lexa asks less than amused.

 

“No, no, it’s just.” Clarke does a quick wave of her hand.

 

“I do not follow.” 

 

“You just-” She gestures again closer to Lexa’s head, “you have Alfalfa hair going on.” She says and bites her lip at Lexa’s confused face. The brunette runs a hand over her head and feels the errant strand that slipped from her braid and quickly tries to pat it down causing Clarke to honest to god giggle. Lexa’s eyes meet hers and Clarke thinks there’s a faint blush on her cheeks. “You don’t have to be embarrassed, it’s cute.” She says before realising what she said and her mouth snaps shut.

 

Lexa clears her throat and averts her gaze. “Did you look over the problems I gave you?”

 

Thankful for the switch, Clarke nods and pulls out her folder. “Yeah, I only have questions on a couple and I was hoping we could review for a quiz I have on Friday.”

 

“We can do that.”

 

The hour goes smoothly after that and all too quickly the time is up and they’re packing their bags.

 

“So I never asked, is this like an everyday thing or…?”

 

“That is up to you. Though I feel like 2 to 3 days a week would be sufficient.” Lexa says.

 

“That seems good to me too.” She agrees as they make their way to the stairs. “So, tomorrow?”

 

“There’s an away match tomorrow.” Lexa says in answer.

 

“Oh, right, I knew that.” She nods and Lexa looks over at her. “I really should start coming to those, I feel like such a shit friend even though I know absolutely nothing about fencing, but maybe that should make me feel bad.” She says with a laugh.

 

“Why would you- we’re- right Octavia.” Lexa says and Clarke swear she see her roll her jaw in her periphery. “Well next Thursday we have one here in the gymnasium, I’m sure she would appreciate if you came, it’s against Madison so it should be a good one.”

 

“Yeah? Maybe I’ll surprise her and come, I know she won’t expect it.” Clarke pauses. “I really should feel bad about that.”

 

“It’ll only be the third match.” Lexa shrugs.

 

“I’ve been to like 4 and she’s been on the team since freshman year.”

 

“Then perhaps you should feel worse.” Lexa says and honestly Clarke has no idea if she’s joking or not and Lexa doesn’t show any tells.

 

“Right, well I’m going to come so I guess I’ll see you there as well.” She says and notices that they’ve reached the parking lot. “And if not tomorrow, Friday?” She asks.

 

Lexa nods, “five o’clock.”

 

“Great!” She beams, turning to go to her car. “See you then!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will cover more Clarke and Lexa interactions than this one did, I just wanted to get some background in there.
> 
> Please let me know what you think! Comments make me happy and want to write more xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go C!
> 
>  
> 
> I know I said a lot more Clexa but I forgot about what I needed to put in this one, that being said they still interact a bit in this one in tutoring and it's important- next chapter is fencing and Clexa, already written so I know xx

“Do you want to go to the mall this weekend?” Octavia asks as they swap books out of their locker.

 

“Not really, it’s always so crowded and you know I hate shopping. Why do you want to go?” She asks because that is the last thing she expected her friend to want to do over the weekend.

 

“To look for a homecoming dress.” Octavia says nonchalantly, zipping up her bag and swinging it over her shoulder.

 

“That’s over a month away and I thought you didn’t even want to go…” Clarke trails off as she stands and looks at Octavia, who was inspecting her nails. “Did someone ask you??”

 

“No, not yet anyway.” Octavia says with a sly grin.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asks as they start walking towards their classes.

 

“It means I have intel that a certain basketball player has been talking about asking me.”

 

“Lincoln?!” Clarke asks in disbelief, only because she thought Octavia would be the one to have to start something between the two of them.

 

“Mhm” Octavia hums, biting her lip to suppress her smile. “And I want to be prepared so when I asked you about the mall it wasn’t really a question, that’s what we’re doing tomorrow so be ready by eleven.” She states as they reach the physics classroom and she goes in without another word causing Clarke to just shake her head and laugh before walking off to calculus.   

 

As she walks into the class and sees the stack of papers on Mr. Jones’ desk, that familiar sense of dread settles in her stomach. After two tutoring sessions Clarke thought she would feel more prepared going into her quiz, yet once one is placed in front of her, everything Lexa taught her seems to take a one way train out of her brain. 

 

\------ 

 

After school let out Clarke decided against going home for the two hours before meeting Lexa and instead decided to go to the library to be productive and get her homework done instead of saving it all until Sunday like she normally would. She sits at the table on the third floor just in case she loses track of time and tt goes surprisingly better than she thought it. Just as she was finishing her lab report, someone sits across from her. Looking up she sees Lexa place her things in an orderly fashion on the table in front of her. Clarke checks the time on her phone and notes it’s ten minutes until five.

 

“You’re early.” Lexa’s statement breaks through the quiet bubble she’s been in for almost two hours and she practically starles upright from her hunched over position.

 

“Yeah, uh, I didn’t want to be late so I came here after school.” She says and that seems to earn an approving nod from the brunette. 

“How did your quiz go?” Lexa asks and Clarke doesn’t know why, but she didn’t expect Lexa to remember, it makes sense that she would though, being her tutor for that class she must be interested in her progress. That still doesn’t stop the random sense of warmth from spreading through Clarkes chest, but maybe the heat just kicked on.

 

“Oh, I think it went well, or okay at least. I mean, I had an answer for every question so that’s better than my exam” She says with a laugh.

 

Lexa hums, “That does seem like improvement.”

 

“Now if I got any of them right…” She inflects, slightly dragging the last word. 

 

“Clarke, you prepared well for it.” Lexa says seriously and that snaps her out of the joking manner she was in.

 

“I know,” She sighs, “but sometimes my brain seems to go blank during math tests” she says before pausing and tacking on.” And class” 

 

“Well there are ways around that.”

 

“Yeah, like what?” She asks curiously. 

 

“Well, aside from knowing the material and coming back to a problem. Not doubting yourself.”

 

“It’s hard not to be doubtful when you don’t know the material.” She jokes

 

“If you go in thinking that way of course you won’t do well. It’s basic psychology. You need to go in with confidence.” 

 

Right.” Is Clarkes only response because the intensity of Lexa’s gaze and the underlining care of how Clarke does is giving her a strange feeling. “How was your match yesterday?” She asks and almost winces at the abruptness of it.

 

“Did Octavia not tell you?” 

 

“She told me how she did and how you all did overall, but not how you did” Clarke shrugs.

 

“Why are you asking?” Lexa’s brow furrows and Clarke stares at it for a moment too long before registering the question.

 

“I’m curious, am I not allowed to ask?”

 

Lexa seems to consider her for a moment before leaning back and folding her hands on the table. “I won all of my bouts which means I will likely place in a higher group during the poule at competition in two months.”

 

She’s been able to retain enough terminology from Octavia to know what that means and that is a good thing so her response, when it comes, is genuine. “That’s awesome Lexa. Congratulations!” 

 

Lexa nods in thanks and if Clarke isn’t mistaken there’s a faint blush on the girls cheeks, but her face remains serious. “Jefferson is not a tough component so it does not give proper representation of my skill.” Lexa states and then looks at her watch. “It’s 5 o’clock, what would you like to go over today?” 

 

\------

 

When Clarke walks into her house later that evening she smells a chicken roasting and her stomach grumbles. She still isn’t used to food being made every night and her mother being there when she gets home, but she definitely isn’t complaining. She finds her mother in the kitchen talking on the phone and offers her a wave before running upstairs to get out of her jeans. When she comes down ten minutes later her mom is peeling potatoes over the sink, so Clarke grabs a cutting board and knife and settles in next to her. Abby smiles and greets her with a kiss on the forehead and asks her how her day was.

 

“It was good, I got most of my homework done before tutoring so all I have left to do this weekend is like three problems and proofing my paper.” She says as she halves the potatoes and tosses them into the pot on the counter, not noting that her mother stopped mid peel to look at her. When she does look over at her mothers over exaggerated shocked expression, Clarke laughs. “What?”

 

“I’m sorry, I think I just had a stroke, did you say you did homework before Sunday? Voluntarily?”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes, “It’s been known to happen sometimes.” At her mothers look she amends her statement, “Not often but you know every blue moon or so.” 

 

“Right, I might have to check out the window to see if there are any pigs in the sky.” Abby jokes.

 

“Ha ha okay I get it, and who knows it’s kind of a nice feeling not having to worry about it so it may happen again.” She shrugs.

 

“I’m not going to say anything more, I don’t want to jinx it. Do you have any plans for your sudden free time? Octavia is still coming over tomorrow and spending the night right?”

 

“Yeah she’s coming over, but we’re going to the mall first because she wants to find a homecoming dress.”

 

“Oh? I didn’t think you two wanted to go, I recall you claiming school dances as lame after you went freshman year and Octavia saying she doesn’t need the sweat of so many ‘hormonal teenagers’ getting on her.” Abby says humorously, placing the pot on the heated stove and turning to give Clarke her full attention.

 

“Yeah well, she only says that until she hears the boy she’s been crushing on is going to ask her.” Clarke says with an eye roll. “My statement still stands.”

 

“What if the boy you’re crushing on asks you to go?” Her mother asks, and Clarke can see right past the projected innocence.

 

“There is no boy, mom.”

 

“Well, how am I to know. You haven’t talked to me about that since you were thirteen.” Abby says and it’s not malicious or anything, Clarke just got to that point where even thinking about discussing that topic with her mother made her feel awkward. 

 

She sighs and takes a seat on one of the stools. “That’s because it’s weird. Or it feels like it would be, but I promise there are no guys that I’m ‘crushing on’” she says with air quotes for emphasis.

 

“Are you going to the dance anyway?”

 

“Octavia will probably drag me there even if I say no, so yes.”

 

“Well call me if you find a dress tomorrow and I can come meet you.” Her mother says and Clarke can tell how much her mom is trying to hide how much she enjoys the thought of her in a dress potentially enjoying a dance. “Will you be going in a group?”

 

“It would most likely be, O and Lincoln, Monty and Harper, Nathan and Bryan, and maybe Jasper ,and Monroe.” She lists off from a text Octavia had sent her after school.

 

“See, you wouldn’t be the only one without a date.” Her mother points out, but that was never an issue to her.

 

“Only if Jasper and Zoe come, which knowing them they probably won’t unless their prospective best friends convince them to.” 

 

“You’d still have Nathan and Bryan.”

 

“Yeah I don’t think I want to get in the way of their first dance together after coming out.” She says and didn’t even realise her mother had a drink until she hears the choke and sputtering as the water misses the glass and splashes on the floor. Clarke quickly goes over to her mother, whose coughing has subsided a little, but her face is still redder than Clarke thinks it should be.

 

“Are you okay?!” She asks as she goes to pat her moms back but her hand gets waved off as her mother clears her throat.

 

“I’m fine, just went down the wrong way is all. I didn’t realise they were a couple.”

 

It takes a second for Clarke to remember what they were talking about and when she does she figures that was what caused the little choking fit. She mentally sighs and grabs a towel to wipe the floor with. “Yeah, they’ve been together for a while now, I think all of last school year actually, but this is the first semester that they aren’t hiding it from anyone.” She says deciding to push forward with the conversation. “Who knows maybe we’ll have two homecoming kings this year.” And all her mother does is nod.

 

“Wouldn’t that be something.”

 

\------

 

It had been a long weekend of shopping, something Clarke would rather do online or as quickly as possible if she had to go in person. Unfortunately, Octavias ‘nonexistent’ nerves appeared in the manner of no dress being the right one and after a full day of walking through every store that carried dresses on Saturday and not finding the one according to her friend, Clarke saw at least ten that would have been perfect, Octavia dragged her to the mall in the next town over on Sunday. What could have made it frustrating, if Clarke didn’t love her best friend so much, is that after scouring that mall they returned to theirs and ended up buying one that Clarke had suggested in the first place. Clarke herself wound up buying a blue dress that drew her attention away long enough for Octavia to notice, and who told her all three of her greatest aspects would pop in it.

 

Even though it was still well over a month away, all of the recent conversations and activities surrounding the dance led it to being the only thing on her mind. Which is how she found herself distracted during her tuesday tutoring session. 

 

“Are you going to the dance?” She asks after staring at the problem in front of her for a good two minutes without doing anything.

 

Lexa looks up at her and cocks her head. “Does that have anything to do math?”

 

“Um, no.”

 

“Right and what are we here to do?” Lexa asks, raising her brow and Clarke holds in her sigh.

 

“Come on, just humor me for a second.” she tries

 

“What did you get for number 9?” Lexa questions tapping the sheet in front of her.

 

“Nothing yet. I bet tons of guys have asked you already.”

 

That causes Lexa to stare at her for longer than usual and Clarke actually starts to squirm in her seat.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“Im gay.” Lexa says like she should know, which she doesn’t and like it isn’t a big deal, which it’s not, but the information and the ease at which Lexa shared it still stir something inside of her.

 

“...oh…” And she doesn’t realise that she said it or that her face must be one of more than contemplation until she notices Lexa bristle slightly.

 

“Do you have a problem with that?”

 

“No, no not at all I’m…” She’s what? Not thinking clearly probably, she doesn’t know where she was going. “I’m totally cool with that”

 

Lexa nods clearly wanting to move past this odd mood the revelation made and they go back to work or at least Clarke makes it seem like she is but her head is swarming with thoughts she can’t untangle.

 

“How did you know?” She asks ten minutes later.

 

“Well when the antiderivative is-”

 

“No!” She says more forcefully than she meant to. “I didn’t- I’m not- I wasn’t asking about the math problem.”

 

“So you do understand it?” Lexa asks confused and again Clarke gets caught up in that little furrow.

 

“I haven’t even looked at it, but probably not.” She admits.

 

“Then what…”

 

“How did you, you know...know you were, you know?” Clarke articulates poorly and cringes internally.

 

“I’m afraid I did not follow that.” Lexa says slowly

 

“How did you know you were gay?” She rushes out, cheeks pinking, eyes looking anywhere but the brunette in front of her.

 

And Lexa is quiet for a moment, Clarke can feel her studying her, but doesn’t dare meet her gaze.

 

“I never wanted the prince to get the princess in movies when I was a kid and I had a crush on Ms. Myers in 7th grade that made me realise why.” Lexa says and her face remains somewhat stoic, but Clarke can see the blush creeping up her neck and when she finally meets Lexa’s eyes there’s a hint of vulnerability in them. Clarke contemplates asking more questions but doesn’t want to push Lexa.

 

“Thank you.” Is what she settles with, but it didn’t quell any of her thoughts, just added more.

 

Lexa nods again. “So, number nine?”

 

“Right, yeah I don’t get it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you think? I love hearing your thoughts! Anything you want to see? xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Semi important note/question at the end..sorrt it's a little short but the end note explains that  
> Happy reading  
> Sorry for any mistakes

Wednesday went by slowly, time seemed like it was going backwards. Classes felt like three hours instead of one, every time she glanced at the clock barely a minute had gone by. Maybe it was just one of those days or maybe it was because she was looking forward to Thursday. 

 

Tutoring had gone well, really well if she was honest. She got a B- on her quiz, which normally would make her insides clench, but it was an improvement from her exam and all she felt was elation. Which was only raised when she received a more than just for the sake of being polite smile from Lexa when she told her. and ended the session with a “see you tomorrow” which earned that confused face and scrunched brow Clarke for some reason adores and tries to create as much as she can, but reminded her she'd be at the fencing match and Lexa seemed to stumble slightly before straightening, schooling her features and offering a nod in acknowledgement before they parted ways.

 

So now it’s Thursday, and while the school day definitely didn’t trudge along like it did Wednesday, it certainly took its time ending. Clarke had originally wanted to surprise Octavia by going to the match without telling her, but then she realised she didn’t know what time the match was, Lexa only told her that it was in the gymnasium- which also wasn’t that informative because they technically had two- and she didn’t think to ask until now. Accepting semi-defeat over her plans and believing Octavia would be surprised enough that she was coming- again, really starting to feel like a crappy friend- Clarke waits by their locker knowing Octavia is coming from the other side of the school.

 

“What are you still doing here?”

 

“Am I not allowed to wait for my best friend?” 

 

“You are,” Octavia grunts out as she shifts her backpack in front of her to exchange books. “But you don’t, as soon as the bell rings you’re gone.” She says and Clarke rolls her eyes and goes to protest but her friend isn’t done. “Seriously, if you were that fast during P.E. freshman year, coach Hayes wouldn’t have gone all drill sergeant, ‘I’m gonna make your life a living hell Griffin’.”

 

“Whatever, she had it out to get me before she knew my physical abilities or lack of.”

 

“So you keep saying.” Octavia says, closing the door “But you still didn’t answer my question.”

 

“You have a fencing match today right?” She questions as they start walking towards the exit.

 

“Yep,” Octavia answers and Clarke waits for more information, but her friend doesn’t offer any.

 

“What time does it start?” 

 

“4:00.”

 

“Cool, cool and it’s in the main gym yeah?” Clarke asks and Octavia gives her a curious look.

 

“No it’s in the rec. Why are you being so weird?” her friend asks with narrowed eyes

 

“I’m not being weird!” She says, only her voice is an octave higher than normal.

 

“Uh yeah you are. For one you only say ‘cool, cool’ when you don’t know what to say or you’re trying and  _ failing  _ to be discrete, and you also never ask about my matches. So what’s up?” Octavia says, stopping in the middle of the hall with her arms crossed and brow raised in a manner that leaves no room for talking her way out of it. 

 

“Fiine, if you want to ruin it so be it.” She says in faux exasperation throwing her arms up in the air for dramatic affect. “I was going to, well I am going to, come and you know support, but I wanted it to be a surprise but I didn’t know the details or anything.”

 

“You’re coming?” Octavia asks in somewhat disbelief.

 

“Well, I was planning on it...unless you don’t want me to?” Suddenly unsure of the direction this was going after not getting the reaction she expected, Clarkes own arms cross, but in more of a protective stance than defensive.

 

“I stopped asking because it didn’t seem like something you were interested in. I’d love it if you were there, they might even put up a good fight today so it could be a good show.” Octavia says and that adds a little more guilt to the pile she’s been compiling, but she shakes it off in favor of doing something to shrink it.

 

“Of course I’m interested! It’s something you love and the couple of times I came it was fun to watch. Sorry I sort of dropped the ball on it.”

 

“I didn’t take it personally, I mean I haven’t come to all of your art or science things so...we’re good.” Octavia says “And for future reference, all sport information is on the calendar on the schools website.”

 

“Right. That would make sense.”  

 

They part ways, Octavia leaving to get food before she was expected at pre-match practice and Clarke deciding to go to the library to get her homework done so she doesn’t have to do it after- really what has gotten in to her?

 

\-----

 

Arriving early, Clarke watches the setup of the fencing strip, the piste, if she remembers correctly and sees the two teams on opposite ends of the gym stretching while their coaches talk. Hardly anyone else is there yet, which makes sense given the time, but she feels a little awkward sitting in the bleachers by herself. That is until, Octavia spots her and her eyes light up and she smiles as big as she can while trying to act cool in front of her teammates and then a pair of green eyes find hers and there’s a brief double take and Clarke offers a hesitant wave and receives a small nod in return.

 

Soon enough parents and other supporters fill in the empty spaces around her and the referees- no the directors- are announcing the first bout. 

 

Clarke tries to pay attention, but she doesn’t actually know what’s going on and she doesn’t know the people...fighting or whatever and her gaze keeps drifting over to the awaiting players- competitors- fighters? She really should learn more about this. Octavia bounces back and forth on her feet and occasionally swings her sword, Clarke knows that there are names for them, that there are three types of them, but honestly they all look the same to her and as long as she doesn’t call it a sword in front of Octavia she’s fine. 

 

The first four bouts are over quickly and Clarke’s attention finally focuses as Octavia steps up to the guard line. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that her friend has gotten better since the last time she came to a match, but it’s still a sight to see. Octavia is all about the attack and leaves little room for a counter. The allotted three minutes isn’t even needed as Octavia manages to get the five touches in under two. The opponents salute and shake hands before Octavia turns and salutes the audience and raises her fist in the air. 

 

Clarke jumps to her feet and shouts, “That’s my best friend!” and all eyes in the gym turn to her. She probably would have shrunk back in her seat if it weren’t for the beaming smile Octavia gives her. Clarke ignores the looks and settles back in.

 

The competitions continue on normally, Clarke gets a little more into it the more she pays attention to the details and movements. Her phone draws her away for a few minutes, apparently she forgot to tell her mother what her plans were, so she quickly responds and let’s her know she’ll be home for dinner. When she looks back up the next bout is about to begin and Clarke spots a familiar braid on the person taking stance. Lexa. 

 

Her attention is focused on the brunette, curious to see the girl in action. The director announces the start and Clarke expects it to be a lot like Octavia’s, quick and all action, but it’s not. Where Octavia rushed forward, Lexa waits and draws out her opponent. Lexa’s actions seem precise and calculated to Octavia’s harsh movements. While both are effective and good players on their own, neither letting a single touch against them, Lexa’s motions are smooth and Clarke finds it more like an art form, her fingers itching to draw it. She leans her elbows on her knees to get closer. Lexa uses most of the time to toy with her opponent before scoring the last point with ten seconds left. When her win is announced, Clarke finds herself already out of her seat, mouth open like she’s on the verge of shouting something- but what would she say? That’s my tutor? Can they be considered anything more than that? Maybe to her, but probably not to anyone else, certainly not to Lexa. She sits back down and zones out for the rest of the match, only paying attention for the last two when Octavia and Lexa go again.

 

She hurries down the stands and crashes her body into Octavia’s. “You were amazing!”

 

“I was, wasn’t I?” Octavia grins. “I’m so glad you came.”

 

“Me too, and I’m going to come to the rest of them.” She says nodding to herself.

 

“You don’t have to.”

 

“I want to, it’s either watch my best friend kick butt or lay on the couch doing nothing.”

 

“We both know how much you like doing nothing and how comfy that couch is...”

 

“Yeah well,” She shrugs “I think I like this better.” Octavia looks over her shoulder and her eyes light up, Clarke turns to follow her gaze and spots Lincoln by the door, a shy smile on his face. “Well go on, don’t let me hold you back”

 

“You’re amazing, thank you for coming, I’ll text you later.” Octavia says with one last hug before running over to Lincoln.

 

Clarke shakes her head and is about to leave when her feet take her in another direction.

 

“Hey Lexa.” She says before she can stop herself. The brunette turns at her name and a flicker of surprise and..something crosses her face before the stoic mask is back in place. 

 

“Clarke, you came.”

 

“I said I was going to didn't I?” She smiles “and I'm glad I did, you were- it was great.” She corrects, ducking her head for a second, missing the slight widening of Lexa’s eyes. “congrats on your wins by the way.”

 

“thank you.” Lexa says with a nod and then they just stand there. Clarke, wanting to say more but not knowing what. Just as it starts to feel awkward, Lexa clears her throat, “well I'm sure Octavia was glad you made it, I'm going to go change...so tomorrow at 5?”

 

“yes!” she says quickly before her brain catches up and she remembers something, “wait, no”

 

“No?”

 

“I meant to talk to you about this yesterday, but my mom got scheduled for a surgery tomorrow so she won't be home and we have a maintenance guy coming to fix our furnace so I need to be there and he said he could get there anywhere between 3 and 6-”

 

“It is fine if you have a prior engagement, if you don't want to lose the hour we can add a day next week.” Lexa suggests.

 

“Actually, I was hoping I could see if  it wouldn't be too much to ask if you could come over? It's just since I have an exam Monday I kind of wanted to get as much help in as I could…” she tapers off and meets Lexa’s gaze with a hopeful expression.  The brunette is quiet and doesn't give any hint as to what she's thinking as she contemplates. 

 

“I suppose I could make that work.” Lexa says and Clarke swears she's never been so relieved and happy at the same time and over something like math no less.

 

“really?! Oh my god, thank you so much!” she exclaims and without thinking throws her arms around the brunette and when she realises what she did she freezes, Lexa is rigid and neither of them breathe. Clarke quickly retracts and there's no trying to hide her blush. “I'm, I'm so sorry, I was excited- kind of- and that's just my reaction I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that. I'm just, gonna go” she points over her shoulder before turning around and walking away as fast as she can, ready to find a hole and bury herself in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to split what I had for this chapter so that the next was only them at the house and I can post that later tonight if you guys want...?  
> Let me know what you think! Xx


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day, though it doesn't seem like you guys wanted it... just kidding I'm floored at how many of you responded.
> 
> happy reading xx

Even though Clarke never crossed paths with Lexa during a normal school day, she took extra care to be on the look out for the brunette, so she could avoid her if she did see her. Her initial embarrassment upgraded to pure mortification the more she thought about what happened. It was just a hug, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, and yet...ugh.

 

To make matters worse or at least more complicated, she kind of had to see Lexa since she left without giving the brunette her address and she doesn’t have her number. Maybe she doesn’t need the extra help, maybe she can just study really hard this weekend and do well on her exam and then she can figure out something else for doing better in math..

 

She actually did try to find Lexa after school because she knew how much the other girl liked punctuality and sticking to plans, but she didn’t know where her locker was and neither did Octavia. Clarke thought it was a little odd her friend didn’t have Lexa’s number, being teammates and all, but Octavia didn’t seem bothered by it. So, with no other way to contact the girl, Clarke decided to just go home and try to forget about it.

 

Which is how she wound up sprawled out on the living room couch in her sweats, eating leftover enchiladas while she waited for the maintenance man. The doorbell sounded causing her to groan. She stood ,her body aching from sitting in the same position for too long and threw her plate on the coffee table before making her way to the door. She checked the drawer in the hallway table to double check that the money her mother said would be there was, in case he needed that day for some reason and then opened the door.

 

She froze as soon as she realized that it was in fact _not_ the repair man standing on the front porch but instead the girl she tried not to think about all day. Clarke probably looked like a deer in headlights, but honestly this was the last thing that she was expecting. Lexa shifting side to side, made Clarke realize she’s been standing there for far too long without saying anything.

 

“Uh, hi?”

 

“Hello, Clarke.” Lexa greets.

 

“What are you doing here?” She asks still trying to figure out if this was truly happening, but the question draws a confused look from the brunette.

 

“It’s 5 o’clock, you asked me to come here instead of the library for tutoring did you not?” Lexa asks slightly unsure even though that is exactly what she asked and they both know it.

 

“I, uh, yeah I did. It’s just-” She starts but doesn’t know how to word what she wants to ask. “I never gave you my address.” She ends up saying and her tone makes it come off as a question.

 

“No, you did not, I sent you an email last night asking for it since I had no other way to get in touch.” Lexa says like that somehow answers her unasked question.

 

“You sent a-” Clarke pauses and pulls out her phone, opening up her gmail app and sure enough there’s an unread email from Lexa right under the two blackboard announcements. “I guess I didn’t check my mail, I didn’t even think about emailing…”

 

“It appears not.” Lexa agrees.

 

“That still doesn’t explain how you figured out where I live.” She says and that’s not exactly how she wished she would have said it but it was what she was thinking and it’s out there now so.

 

“Everyone’s addresses are listed in the school’s directory.” Lexa says simply and of course they are, Clarke just forgot the school even had one of those.

 

“Riight.”

 

Lexa shifts from foot to foot again and clears her throat. “Can I- Are we going to have our session or are you otherwise occupied?”

 

It’s then Clarke notices she’s still standing in the doorway, in basically pajamas that are stained with enchilada sauce because she wanted to eat laying down and couldn’t bother with a napkin. Great. She groans internally and opens the door wide enough to let Lexa in.

 

“Sorry, I’m a little out of it, come in.” She gestures, “You can leave your shoes on if you want or by the door if you don’t. We can work at the table.” She says and speed walks in to the kitchen to clear away any messes she left. She quickly runs upstairs to get her backpack and throws her hair into a ponytail. When she gets back, Lexa is already set up with her flashcards and white board placed evenly on the table. Clarke takes a deep breath to psych herself up and takes her seat. “Alright, let’s do this.”

 

Half an hour later the doorbell rings again and Clarke excuses herself to answer it. This time it was the repair man and she quickly shows him where the furnace is before making her way back to the kitchen. She sits down and picks up the note cards in front of her. “Okay where were we?”

 

“Inverses and arc tangents.” Lexa says “We were trying to figure out what z is given-” a loud banging interrupts her.

 

They wait to see if it is going to stop anytime soon but after a few minutes it doesn’t let up.

 

“I’m sorry about that.” Clarke apologizes.

 

“You have no control over it.” Lexa states.

 

“No, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.” She sighs. “I don’t know how long that’s going to take, do you just want to take a break and do something?”

 

“Do something?” Lexa questions and that little brow furrow makes an appearance.

 

“Yeah, I won’t be able to focus on this with all of that noise but we could talk about something else or watch a show or I don’t know anything really.” She says and watches contemplation and hesitancy wash over Lexa. Which makes her feel a little awkward, like Lexa is trying to find a way to let her down easy since that would extend way past normal tutoring activities. “We don’t have to, if you want to go that’s fine too. Like I said I don’t know how long that’s going to be.”

 

“No, I don’t have anywhere to be, we can do...something.” Lexa says almost shyly and Clarke feels that new familiar warmth spread through her chest.

 

“Great! Let’s go up to my room since it’ll be quieter there.” She says and practically jumps out of her seat and skips to the stairs, looking back, Lexa was a little slower in following her and Clarke doesn’t want to over think anything so she just grabs Lexa’s arm and drags her up the steps only letting go after she pushes the door open to her room.

 

“It’s very ...bright.” Is the first thing out of Lexa’s mouth upon entry having taken in the four different colored walls all covered in random photos and artwork.

 

“Thank you.” She says deciding to take it as a compliment. “Did you want to watch something or what?”

 

“I do not believe we have the same taste in entertainment but if that is what you wish to do.”

 

“What do you like to watch?” Clarke asks curiously.

 

“History and nature documentaries, or sometimes I like to indulge in a little comedy with either Charlie Chaplin or ‘I love Lucy’”

 

“Ah, well that last one is something I like as well, but I don’t think I have it. Why don’t you take a seat while I dig around.” She says and makes her way over to the shelf that has her collections. When she doesn’t see anything that might potentially interest the brunette she turns around to say she’d check her computer, but stops when she sees Lexa sitting rigidly in her desk chair. She has to hold back a laugh at the sight but her smile still breaks free. “You know you can relax a bit right?”

 

“I’m quite comfortable thank you.” Lexa says, but Clarke doesn’t believe her for a second.

 

“If you say so.” She hums out. “I’m just going to see if I can pull something up on my computer.” She says and Lexa nods. “That would mean you have to sit on my bed.” She says with a contained laugh, but she can’t stop the next one from coming out after seeing Lexa’s eyes widen. “While it loads why don’t you tell me a little bit more about fencing?” She asks hoping it would relax the girl a bit.

 

“What do you want to know?”

 

“Hmm, is it all solo stuff? Like do you all go against each other?”

 

“Yes and no.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Well, individually we try to earn the highest score we can so we get into a better poule in the final competition, but there is also the team competition so if one of us does not do our best it is up to the rest to make up for it. Which means we have to make sure we are all doing our best. Our individual rankings also count for the school, so if we all did well, the schools rank would increase as well.”

 

“Is team competition where you all fence together?”

 

“No, it’s kind of like a relay where we go one after another, usually the best player is last in case there’s a need for a high point build.” Lexa says and Clarke nods as she processes.

 

“Okay now don’t yell at me or anything because I don’t know the names, but why do some of you guys use different or sometimes multiple...swords?”

 

“There are different events within the overall and they depend on the weapon. The foil is a starter, the epee is more traditional and the sabre is an off branch of that, with more scoring options.” Lexa explains and Clarke can tell how passionate she is about the sport.

 

“And you use all of them?”

 

“Typically you are only supposed to master one, but coach Mathers likes us to be versatile and made us learn and be proficient in all of them. I prefer the epee, your friend Octavia seems to enjoy the sabre best.”

 

“That would make sense, she always wanted to be a warrior growing up.” Clarke acknowledges and sees the program loaded.

 

“And you?” Lexa asks

 

“What about me?”

 

“What did you want to be?” Lexa questions and Clarke is genuinely thrown off and somewhat touched all at once.

 

“I was the warrior princess, but I wanted to be Eliza Thornberry.”

 

“You wanted to be able to talk to animals?” Lexa asks and Clarke swears she sees the girls lips form a small smile.

 

“Who didn’t want that?” Clarke laughs, “What about you?”

 

“I wanted to go to space.” Lexa says after a brief pause.

 

“Is that what you want to do now?” Clarke asks, practically giddy from all of the words outside of math ones she’s gotten Lexa to say.

 

“No, I plan on pursuing something in marine biology.” Lexa says hesitantly.

 

“That’s awesome, I could totally see that.”

 

“Well I-” Lexa is interrupted by the repair man calling out from downstairs. Clarke gives her an apologetic look before going to find him.

 

Apparently he doesn’t have all of the parts he needs and has to come back next week. By the time Clarke shuts the front door behind him, Lexa is back in the kitchen.

 

“It seems we can continue now.” Lexa says and Clarke sighs at the return or tutor Lexa and the end of her chance of breaking through the girl a little more.

 

“Right, so inverses.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you think??  
> Lexa is slowly showing herself, it just takes time xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday!   
> The response this has gotten makes me so happy, I hope you all continue to enjoy it xx

Clarke had just finished the last problem Lexa had given her for the day and the brunette was packing her things up, when the sound of the garage door opening could be heard. Clarke’s head shoots up at the noise and she quickly glances down the hallway before looking at Lexa. The other girl doesn’t seem perturbed by the arrival of what could only be Clarke’s mother, simply zips her bag up and takes the worksheet from in front of her to check over. 

 

“Clarke honey, I’m home!” Her mother’s voice calls out from the mudroom. 

 

“So am I! And we have Lil Roma carryout!” Clarke groans at the second voice and only then does Lexa seem to react to the new voices, setting the paper down and standing up straighter than a post. Her mother and Octavia enter the kitchen laden with carryout bags that emit a savory aroma that has Clarke’s stomach growling. 

 

“How was your day? Is the furnace fixed?”  Her mother asks as she sets the food on the counter and it’s only when she looks like she’s about to greet Clarke that she notices the other person in the room, meanwhile, Octavia having noticed as soon as she arrived just stares at Lexa. “Oh, hello, I didn’t realise you were having a friend over.” Abby says glancing at Clarke before addressing Lexa. “I’m Clarke’s mom and we have plenty if you would like to stay for dinner.” She offers with a smile, and Clarke is still somewhat stuck.

 

“Thank you for the offer ma’am, I was actually just on my way out. I’m Lexa Woods, Clarke’s calculus tutor.” Lexa says with her most professional voice and offers her hand to the older woman, who eyes it curiously for a second before returning the gesture.

 

“Well, Lexa, it is a pleasure to meet you. I have to say, Clarke has always been a good student, but I’ve noticed she’s had a little more drive to do her work over the past few weeks and I can’t help but think there’s a connection.” 

 

“Mom!” It comes out practically a shriek and her eyes are wide in disbelief as she stares at her mother.

 

“What? It’s not a bad thing, quite the opposite and I’m thanking her for-.”

 

“Okaay.” She interrupts not wanting that conversation to continue. “I’ve already kept her longer than normal,” She starts and tries to usher Lexa to the door. “Let’s not make her suffer any longer, we all get your point mom. Say goodbye.” She says mostly to her mother, but Lexa responds instead. 

 

“It was nice meeting you Mrs. Griffin, you have a lovely home.” Lexa says.

 

“Thank you, it’s nice to put a face to the name. Come by anytime.” Her mother says sincerely, waving her off and turning to organise the food.

 

“Octavia” Lexa acknowledges the other girl with an accompanied nod.

 

“Lexa” Octavia responds somewhat curtly.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes at the interaction and quickly guides Lexa to the door.

 

“Thank you for changing things up.” She says when they’re standing on the porch. “Oh and um, for finding my house when I forgot to tell you where I lived.” She tacks on with a nervous chuckle, bouncing on her feet.

 

“Of course.” Lexa nods and then there’s a lull, they just stand there not saying anything. The awkward moment is broken by Octavia yelling for her to hurry up and Lexa clears her throat. “Good luck on your exam, Clarke, I’ll see you on Tuesday.” Lexa says, turning and walking down the steps leaving Clarke with the ‘thank you’ stuck in her throat as she watches her leave.

 

Back inside, Octavia and Abby have cleared the table of her school work and replaced it with plates, drinks, and open food containers. She joins them, filling her plate while she waits for one of them to break the silence with their questions. 

 

It doesn’t take long before Octavia speaks up, “Why was Lexa here?”

 

Clarke narrows her eyes slightly at the question, “Because she’s my tutor?”

 

“I know that,” Octavia says in slight exasperation, “but why did she come  _ here _ ? You only go to the library.”

 

“Because I had to be here and wanted to go over things before my test and she was nice enough to adjust.” Clarke says and Octavia scoffs, “Why is that a problem to you?”

 

“It’s not a problem, it’s just weird is all.” Octavia shrugs and focuses her attention on her food.

 

“Well I think it was lovely that she was able to accommodate the change.” Abby says “I really appreciate that you were able to be here, honey. Did everything get fixed? Did he need the payment today?”  

 

“No, he has to come back sometime next week or so when the part comes in, he’ll call you.” Clarke says, still eyeing her friend across the table.

 

“It’s becoming brisker earlier in the season, so hopefully it’s fixed soon, we’re going to need it.” Abby says taking a sip of water. “How long is your mother gone for? I didn’t get the chance to talk to her before she left.” she asks Octavia, who takes a moment to finish chewing the food in mouth before answering.

 

“She added a couple of extra legs when I told her about homecoming, that way she has a better chance of not working for it. I think she said she’ll be gone until next thursday, but she has over a day in Topeka, so maybe she can see whatever the heck it is they have to offer in Kansas.” Octavia says and they can tell she’s trying to add humor to better the situation, knowing how hard her mother’s job is on her.

 

“We can go grab your bags after we eat.” Abby says 

 

“Oh there’s no need.” Octavia waves off, “I have all I need for the weekend here already and then Bel will be home by Monday before school’s over.” 

 

“Well, alright then.” Abby chuckles.

 

A calm quiet enwraps the room as the three turn their attention to the meal in front of them, only the sounds of cutlery clinking against plates could be heard. After dinner they all helped with clean up and the two girls wound up in Clarkes room as Abby closed herself in the office. 

 

“Turn something good on would ya.” Octavia dictates from the bed.

 

Clarke shakes her head with a small sigh of a laugh, picking up her laptop from her desk and depositing it on her friends stomach. “You do it, I’m going to change into something a little less stained before getting in my bed, thanks for not taking your dirty sock off.”

 

“Okay, sir castic,” Octavia says with an eye roll but pulls the apparently offending garments off and tosses them at Clarke who shrieks and jumps away. She opens the device and furrows when she sees the opened webpage. “Since when are you into black and white sitcoms?”

 

Clarke pauses in her hunched position over her drawer. “Oh, I’m not. Well I guess I could be, I don’t know though since I didn’t end up watching it.”

 

“Why would that even come up as an option?” Octavia asks still confused and Clarke contemplates whether or not to tell the truth given Octavias weird dislike of Lexa, but she’s not one to lie so...

 

“It’s one of Lexa’s favorites.” She says moving clothes around to make her look occupied.

 

“One of..” Octavia tapers. “What? Lexa? What? Why would you...What?” the disbelief and inability to finish a thought almost has Clarke laughing, but she knows it’s a hard concept to grasp considering the nonexistent relationship. “Explain.” Is what her friend settles for, the demanding side back in control.

 

“It was too loud to study so I suggested we watch something instead, that’s what she likes. We ended up just talking instead.” Clarke shrugs like it’s no big deal and tosses a set of pajamas at the agape mouth of her friend who apparently is too shocked to react and they drape over her head.

 

“You’re joking.” Octavia says narrowing her eyes at Clarke as she ignores her in favor of changing.

 

When her shirt is in place she looks at her friend with a tilted head. “About what?” she asks because nothing she said could be misinterpreted to her.

 

“You’re telling me you had an actual conversation with Lexa? Lexa Woods?”

 

“Uh yeah, I mean it was pretty short because we were interrupted but you know words were exchanged.” Clarke says and the intensity of Octavias gaze is starting to make her squirm. “Why are you looking at me like that?” She asks and turns to go into the bathroom, out of the sight range of her friend.

 

“I’m trying to figure out how you managed to get her to talk to you.” Octavia says. “And obviously not about something math related.”

 

Clarke walks back in the room after brushing her teeth and sits on the end of her bed. “I just asked her questions and it went from there, you know like a normal conversation?”

 

“Yeah, except she’s not normal.” Octavia points out and Clarke bristles a little wanting to defend Lexa.

 

“I really don’t see why you have such a problem with her, she’s a lot nicer than you make her out to be.” Clarke says with her arms crossed.

 

“Whatever, I really don’t want to keep talking about her, lets just watch the show.” Octavia says and kneels on the bed to change out her shirt. Clarke just sighs and joins her at the head of the bed, sliding under the covers and adjusting the pillows behind her.

 

\--------

 

The weekend went by all too quickly, filled with lazy mornings that somehow turned into lazy afternoons, a trip to the movies, and a drive to next town over to lunch and smoothies on Sunday. Monday went better than Clarke thought it would, she went into her math class feeling confident, telling herself she was prepared and knew the material, and to her surprise she doesn’t think she did awful on the exam. The rest of the day seemed to go in her favor, as her Lit professor handed back their second essay which she received full marks on, they watched a movie in her history class, and she came home to her mother setting up the old air hockey table which they ended up playing until dinner. 

 

Now, as per her new Tuesday routine, Clarke was sitting at the usual table in the library, only this time she finished the little homework she had within half an hour so she was currently occupying herself with youtube videos on her phone. Watching funny dog videos never gets old to her. In fact she’s so absorbed in them she doesn’t notice the arrival of another person and she jumps, knee smacking the table, when she feels a tap on her shoulder. She quickly pulls out her earbuds with one hand while the other rests over her rapidly beating heart.

 

“Jeez Lexa, you scared the crap out of me!” She says, trying to calm herself, missing Lexa’s amused expression.

 

“I apologise, I did not realise how engrossed you were in your phone, I did try saying your name a few times first however.” Lexa says as she returns to her seat.

 

“I guess I lost track of the time.” She hums, putting away her phone and trying to stop the slight shake of her hands.

 

“It appears so,” Lexa agrees, “Though, you still have a few minutes before we start.”

 

Clarke shakes her head, “No, it’s better that you got here now and pulled me out of it, I didn’t have an alarm set or anything and I don’t want to come off as rude.’

 

“You seemed to be enjoying whatever it was, it’s understandable.”

 

“Have you ever watched clips like that?” She wonders

 

“I have seen a few cat ones but I don’t find myself actively searching for them in my spare time.” Lexa says and Clarke is getting slightly better at understanding the girl to know that it wasn’t a dig at her habits.

 

“Well I highly recommend the dog ones.”

 

“Good to know. Shall we get started? How did your exam go?”

 

“I think it went really well actually, I skipped the first couple, but after doing the rest of it I think I figured out how to solve them.” She says happily, proud of herself.

“That’s great to hear, Clarke.” Lexa says with a small smile and Clarke internally beams from it. “Is there something in particular you would like to work on today?”

 

“Natural logs. I know it’s mostly how to use a calculator, but for some reason I never get the right answers.”

 

Lexa shows her how to properly set up the equations and get them to their simplest form and then tells her a lot of calculators are particular about parentheses. After the fourth problem Clarke feels like she has the hang of it and they move on to tangents.

 

Like always though, her attention only lasts so long and she finds herself staring at Lexa’s face of concentration as she looks over the worksheet.

 

“You’re staring.” The brunette says without looking up.

 

“What got you interested in marine biology?” She asks, having been thinking about it since Friday. 

Lexa sighs, “Why do you continue to ask me questions not pertaining to math?”

 

“Is that a crime?”

 

“I’m your tutor.” Lexa says somewhat pointedly.

 

“Yeah and?”

 

“What to you hope to gain from it?”

 

“Are we not allowed to be friends?” She asks and for some reason her heart starts beating faster and it only increases when Lexa’s head practically snaps up and their eyes meet. Clarke swallows heavily on nothing and watches Lexa’s brow furrow.

 

“What?” Lexa asks as if she heard wrong and Clarke is starting to second guess everything.

 

“You know, you, me, friends, together. Or is there some rule against tutors being friends with their...tutoree? No that doesn’t sound right. Tutee?” She tries with a laugh before settling with, “Person being tutored.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Why would there be a rule?” She asks thinking that’s what Lexa was questioning, “I don’t know, you’re the tutor. Favoritism maybe, I don’t know about any legalities but really I don’t see wh-”

 

“No” Lexa interrupts still looking at her like she’s some type of puzzle. “Why would we be friends?” Lexa questions and there’s a genuine  _ something  _ in her tone that Clarke can’t quite narrow down. All her thoughts are mainly answers that she doesn’t want to give  _ “because I want to know more about you”, “because for some reason I’m drawn to you and want to know why”, “because because because and so on’ _

 

“Why not?” Is what she goes with is seems to be an acceptable answer because Lexa leans back in her chair and gives a small nod. “So, biology?”

 

“Oh, well” Lexa pauses and Clarke might actually think the other girls looks nervous. 

 

“If you don’t want to talk about it we don’t have to, I was just curious.” She says even though she’s practically dying to know now.

 

“Perhaps another time then, it’s just very important to me.” Lexa says and seems grateful for the pass.

 

Clarke nods and smiles. “Another time.” she repeats, happy to have that possibility out there. 

 

“I think we should be able to get in a few more problems before 6, if you’re ready.”

 

“I am, where were we?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow and steady...for now  
> What'd you think? I love reading your thoughts over it and if you have any suggestions or things you want to see don't hesitate to let me know!  
> xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tutoring session extended by weather, a little more is shared, and then some mother/daughter interaction

“You never answered my question”

 

“I’ve answered everything you have asked me, if you need further explanation you need to speak up.” Lexa says as she adds a notecard to the ever growing pile in front of them.

 

“Oh, I actually understand this stuff I think.” Clarke says sliding the finished worksheet over for Lexa to look at.

 

“Then what question were you referring to?” Lexa looks up brow crinkled slightly as if she’s mentally going through their conversations to figure it out.

 

“About homecoming.” Clarke supplies and Lexa sighs.

 

“Do you get this distracted in class? Because not once have we made it through the hour without you getting off topic.” 

 

“Not really, I mean sometimes I zone out, but I’m not thinking about anything in particular it just happens. I really do try to pay attention though” Clarke shrugs and bites her lip at Lexa’s expression.

 

“Can you try to pay attention for the next fifteen minutes?” Lexa asks after glancing at her watch.

 

“Will you answer my question then?”

 

“Perhaps.” Lexa answers and Clarke is going to have to take it because the brunettes attention is already back to the paper in front of her and judging by the amount of marks, Clarke did not know the material as well as she thought she did. Sighing she pushed down her strange desire to learn more about Lexa and pulled out her equation sheet.

 

As it was nearing 6 o’clock, the dark clouds that had been looming over them all day decided to open with a clashing bang of thunder followed by the thudding of the torrential down pour on the metal roof of the library.

 

The two of them look out the window as the sky grows darker. “Well, I’m glad I managed to get a close parking spot today, though I still feel like I’ll get soaked.” Clarke says

 

Lexa hums, her eyes not leaving the window. “That is fortunate.” 

 

“Is your car close?” Clarke asks having seen the slight look of defeat and set shoulders.

 

Lexa rolls her jaw slightly “I don’t have a car.” she admits

 

“Oh.” Clarke can’t keep the surprise out of the small exclamation and Lexa is quick to stand and pack her bag. “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that! A lot of people don’t have one or even know-”

 

“-I know how to drive, Clarke, I just don’t have a car.” Lexa interrupts.

 

“I didn’t mean to offend or anything.” Clarke tries, not exactly sure where all the tension came from.

 

“It’s fine.” Lexa says and they start to make their way down the stairs.

 

“I’ll give you a ride home.” Clarke half states, half offers and Lexa looks like she’s ready to object. “Come on, it doesn’t look like it’s going to let up anytime soon and I’m sure you don’t want your books to get water logged.” 

 

Lexa considers her words before nodding “For the books.” she says and Clarke grins.

 

They make a break for her car, both trying to stay dry under their coats that they hold over themselves, but the rain is coming down from all angles and only a few strands of hair remain untouched by the weather once they’re finally seated and Clarke blasts the heat.

 

“Okay, where do you live?” Clarke asks.

 

“Over by Mill Creek.” Lexa says as she unbraids her hair that had been more than tousled by the wind. Clarke stares at her, slightly mesmerized by the action, until Lexa’s words register.

 

“Mill Creek? Thats on the other side of town! Do you walk to school everyday?” She asks almost in horror at the thought of having to walk so much everyday.

 

“No, I have a bike.” 

 

“Oh like that’s better” Clarke says with a slight eye roll. “Is it here? We could probably fit it in the trunk.”

 

Lexa waves her off after finishing the new braid “That’s alright, my uncle will probably be able to come get it later.”

 

“Oh, okay, if you’re sure?” Clarke asks instead of one of the hundreds of other questions that are swarming her mind right now.

 

“I’m sure.” Lexa confirms.

 

“Alright then, let’s go.” Clarke says, putting her car in reverse and looking over her shoulder as she backs out of the spot.

 

The car ride is silent and Clarke is itching to change that but she doesn’t know how, so she decides that continuing the last one might help open up doors to others.

 

“So do you ride your bike in the winter? And to my house? That’s like 4 miles!”

 

“Typically and my house to yours is almost 6.” Lexa corrects and Clarke takes her gaze off the road for a second to gape at her.

 

“That’s insane!”

 

“I am completely sane, just ask my turtles.” Lexa says and Clarke takes a second to figure out if Lexa is joking and in her spared glance she can see the slight upturn of the brunettes lips.

 

“Wait, do you really have turtles?”

 

“Yes.” Lexa nods.

 

“No, way! How many?”

 

“Three.” Lexa says and Clarke watches her smile grow in her periphery.

 

“That’s so cool.” Clarke says and wants to add on about meeting them one day but doesn’t know how far she can go with tentative maybe friendship they have.       

 

“They’re pretty great.” Lexa agrees. 

 

Wanting to keep the conversation going, Clarke thinks this is a safe topic to stick with. “What are their names?” She asks, taking the redlight opportunity to look over at her passenger and she’s so glad she did or would have missed the blush rising up Lexa’s cheeks.

 

Lexa clears her throat. “Oh, they don’t have names.” And Clarke can tell that’s a lie, but Lexa is shifting slightly in her seat and she doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable so she drops it and when she tries to think of something else to say she remembers.

 

“Oh! I stayed focused for the rest of the session.” She says proudly.

 

“Yes,” Lexa says, brow furrowed slightly at the abrupt topic change. “Would you like a sticker?”

 

“No- wait why do you have some?” She asks before shaking her head at the distraction. “You said you’d tell me if you were going to homecoming.” She reminds as the light turns green and she completes her turn.

 

“Why does it matter?”

 

“I’m curious.” Clarke shrugs.

 

“Curiosity killed the cat, Clarke.”

 

“And satisfaction brought it back, Lexa.” Clarke quips.

 

Lexa shakes her head slightly. “If you must know, I am going.”

 

“Oh awesome! With someone specific or..?”

 

“With friends.” Lexa says and somehow Clarke must show her surprise at the statement because Lexa sighs. “Yes, Clarke I have friends.” It’s not like she thought she didn’t, okay it was, but Lexa wasn’t very approachable or receptive to her at first and it’s not like Clarke knows her well- okay maybe she was the issue- but she didn’t want to make Lexa feel bad.

 

“I know, I’m one of them.” She tries to lighten the mood but falls flat. “Look I didn’t mean to insinuate anything-”

 

“-It’s fine I get it,” Lexa brushes off “my street is the next left.”

 

“It’s not fine, it’s not strange to think you have friends, I just haven’t seen you with them which makes sense I guess since I don’t really see you at school or after for that matter and really-”

 

“Clarke” Lexa cuts her off. “You’re turning this in to something it’s not and you passed my street.” Lexa points out and Clarke realizes she feels more offended on behalf of Lexa than the brunette does. She turns down the next street to do a quick turn around and pays more attention to where she’s going.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“It’s really nothing.” Lexa says again and points at the next road.

 

Clarke turns on to the street and lets Lexa direct her to the house. She pulls into the driveway and parks the car, but leaves it running. Lexa unbuckles and reaches into the backseat for her bag and still soaked jacket; the rain had lessened a little but it was still coming down at a steady rate. “I have an umbrella, I could walk you to your door.” Clarke offers and for some reason her heart starts beating a little faster.

 

Lexa looks at her and there’s a soft half smile on her lips “Thank you, but that’s not necessary, I won’t melt and I’ll change when I get inside. Thank you for driving me home, Clarke.” 

 

“What are friends for” Clarke replies and watches Lexa cover her backpack with her coat. 

 

“Will you be at the match tomorrow?” Lexa asks as she opens the door and meets her gaze.

 

Clarkes heart flutters a little bit at the question and she nods her head. “I’ll be there” She smiles and Lexa ducks her head before darting out into the rain towards the overhang. Clarke waits until Lexa unlocks her front door to put the car in reverse and before she looks over her shoulder, Lexa turns and offers a small wave before stepping inside the house. Clarke smiles the whole way home.

 

\--------

 

“Clarke, honey, you’re late.” Are her mothers first words when she enters the house.

 

“Not by much, I drove Lexa home since it’s pouring out.” She says stripping out of her sopping pants no longer able to stand the feeling on her skin and throwing them in the hamper next to the washer..

 

“Right, it’s pouring out and you weren’t home when you normally are. I was worried.” Abby says and Clarke sees the hints of concern still on her mothers face when she looks up at her. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want her to have to bike home in it, she lives across town.” Clarke tries to justify.

 

“I’m not mad, that was thoughtful of you, next time please just send me a message or something to let me know okay?” Abby asks.

 

“Okay, I will.” She agrees, because she knows her mom worries a little more about her now that it’s just the two of them and she doesn’t want to cause anymore stress. “I’m going to dry off and put some warm clothes on, but I’ll be back down after that.” She says and takes the stairs two at a time as her exposed skin becomes covered in goosebumps.

 

When she makes her way back downstairs, her mother is in the family room watching the news. 

 

“Did you go into work today?” She asks, taking a seat on the sofa.

 

“Yes, I had a few consults and two patient follow ups, but other than that it was a pretty quiet day.” Abby says and Clarke nods along.

 

“Do you miss your old hours?”

 

“It’s definitely an adjustment, but I would much rather be home when you’re home and preferably awake at the same time. It is weird not having as many surgeries, but my research is keeping me busy.” Abby says.

 

“What, finding new ways of organ synthesization isn’t quick work?” She feigns surprise.

 

“You would think it would be.” Abby agrees. 

 

“But then I guess everyone would be doing it.”

 

“Exactly.” Abby chuckles. “Along those lines, when is the next art show?”

 

“Oh, they’re only doing one big one at the end of the semester this year, but I’m pretty sure the hospital is putting on a small showcase next month.”

 

“I think I heard mention of that, but I didn’t know it was affiliated with your school. Would you be in it?” Abby questions and sometimes Clarke still can’t get over the change in her mothers interest in her art.

 

She shrugs “I don’t know what their them or media preference is, but I could be.”

 

“They’d be lucky to show your work and you’ll be lucky if you’re ever able to get it out of the house with me still alive.” Abby jokes

 

“You still display my crap work from elementary school.” Clarke shakes her head, she cringes everytime she walks past them.

 

“It was exceptional work for your age and having it out shows your transition.” Her mother defends the poor choice is decoration.

 

“Just don’t look at me if some of it goes missing.”

 

“You wouldn’t do that to me.” Abby says with a hand over her heart.

 

“One’s a purple dog!”

 

Abby nods seriously, “You were very proud of him.”

 

“Ugh” Clarke groans and throws her head back.

 

Her mother laughs and stands from the couch. “Come help me with dinner and we can talk more about your early stage, that’s what they call it right?”

 

“That would be when they thought I was slow because I didn’t color in the lines.” She says as she follows her mother.

 

“As I’ve said before, your father and I didn’t want to limit you so we never bought you a coloring book. You were quite happy drawing your own scenes even before anyone could tell what they were.” Abby defends

“I didn’t get to go to recess for a week while they tested me.”

 

“And more than ten years later I’m still hearing about it.”

 

“Well who did I get my grudge holding abilities from?”

 

“Your grandma.”

 

“Who also gave them to you.” 

 

“If you say so. Start cutting the peppers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on like 10% brain power and it's 2am so hopefully it's okay and doesn't have too many errors- which reminds me, if anyone wants to be a potential sounding board/proofer for this...that would be cool, but no pressure- anyway what'd you think of the chapter??   
> next chapter- fencing, friends, and...?  
> xx


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to change the order of things up a bit, so this is a filler chapter and is only a fencing match, next chapter will be longer and cover a lot more interactions- it will also be posted normally next weekend and there may be two weekend updates to pick up the pace a little...
> 
> thank you for all of your comments and kudos, they really do mean a lot to me xx

The distinct smell of gym mats, basketballs, and sweat, always makes Clarke scrunch her nose and shudder at the memories it brings from her torturous semester of P.E. Honestly she could go a few lifetimes without having to set foot in a gymnasium and it would still not be long enough. It’s not that she’s against exercise, she just prefers it to not feel like work, like swimming, that’s something she could do until exhaustion and still love it, but highschool gym where you’re graded on fitness and progress, that’s not something she ever got behind and probably used her mother’s doctor excusal notes ten too many times.

 

Now, walking towards the bleachers, her heart rate picks up and Clarke can only think to blame it on the fear of having to show her lack of ability in front of others- even if it feels nothing like that did at the time, she can’t think of another reason for her to be nervous.

 

She’s a little more sure of herself this time and sits in the row behind where the team sits after spotting Octavia’s bag. She watches the team warm up, doing lunges and dueling with each other and pulls out her sketchbook, drawing people has always been one of her weaker points in her opinion so she’s hoping to refine her abilities more by sketching them in movement and maybe also get a few ideas for future projects.

 

There’s a brief announcement over the lineup that she misses, but she looks up when the team takes its place on the bench. Octavia’s eyes light up seeing her and she offers Clarke an appreciative smile as she sits in front of her, but doesn’t say anything as the first match starts. Clarke doesn’t recognize the player and after a few seconds, her gaze travels along the bench in front of her and ends up on a familiar braid. Lexa is the definition of concentrated, her eyes follow the movements of the match and no outside force can distract her, not even when the person next to her bumps into her shoulder. That little brow furrow that always draws Clarkes attention is there and she can’t stop herself when it starts to appear on the page in her lap. Soon, the entire profile of the brunette is displayed and as she starts to fill in the details, adding definition to lips, she realises what she’s doing and quickly shuts her sketch pad, glancing around to see if anyone noticed as she tries to calm her rising pulse. 

 

It’s not like she was doing anything wrong, but for some reason the heat rising in her cheeks makes her feel otherwise. She shifts her focus over to the current match and really tries to keep her attention on it. As the competition progresses, Clarke takes note of the different techniques used, not knowing there could be so much variability in fencing, and attempts to capture them in her book.

 

When Lexa reaches the boundary, Clarke is on the edge of her seat, sketch pad set to the side. The brunette seems a lot more graceful and fluid in her movements than the others do. Lexa draws her opponent in, giving them false confidence, before quickly striking and earning point after point. None of her attacks are the same and Clarke is sure there is a name for each of them and for some reason she wants to know what they are. Lexa gains the win and Clarke controls her clapping to not go above the rest of the audience.

 

As Octavia’s match starts, Clarke does her best to focus solely on her friend. Like last time the actions are fast and hard to follow, but it seems like Octavia has the upperhand. Clarke only gets confused when Octavia and her opponent both strike each other at what appears to be the same time but only the other player scores.

 

She knows she could wait and ask Octavia after, but still finds herself sliding down the bench towards Lexa. They’re friends now right? Even if they weren’t they know each other enough for her to ask questions.

“Why didn’t Octavia also get a point?” She whispers in Lexa’s ear causing the brunette to jump in place. Clarke didn’t move back after asking her question and when Lexa turns slightly, she is eye level with Clarkes lips. Lexa’s gaze lingers for a moment before widening slightly and glancing up to meet Clarke’s questioning stare for a second only to return her attention back to the match. Clarke thinks Lexa is going to ignore her question until she gets a response, barely catching it with how quietly the brunette speaks.. 

 

“She didn’t have priority.”

 

“What?” She asks, hoping for further elaboration.

 

“It’s a weird concept but they parried her attack so they gained priority.” Lexa says like that should mean something. Clarke thinks back to previous matches and only grows more confused.

 

“But how come the other times both score a point?” She questions, remembering when Luna and her opponent both gained a point after a similar play.

 

“That can only happen in epee matches.” 

 

“Why?” She says and thinks she hears a small sigh, but if Lexa doesn’t want to talk she doesn’t have to keep responding.

 

“Different weapon different rules.” Lexa shrugs, eyes bouncing from Octavia’s feet to her opponents, while Clarke considers her answer.

 

“Oh. So how come this one seems the most violent?” She asks as they watch Octavia strike her opponent gaining her last point. Clarke stands and claps as her friend is announced the victor, and then sits back down looking at the back of Lexa’s head expectantly, missing the confused look on Octavias face as she returns to her seat.

 

“Because you can score with any part of the sabre it gives more attack options, with epees and foils you can only score with the tip so it limits offensive strikes.”Lexa explains, focus set on the new set of opponents.

 

“And you can hit arms and legs but they cant?” She asks trying to separate all of her new knowledge of the sport.

 

“Yes.” Lexa nods. “Sabres are limited to above the waist and foils are the most limited, they can only score by tip touches to the torso.”

 

Clarke nods her head even though Lexa can’t see it. “So the lights are for the touching?” She asks, pointing to the score board that flashes different colors when things happen.

 

“Yes, red and green represent the opponents, and white is for a touch that didn’t score.”

 

“Okay.” she pauses to watch more, the girl from their school doesn’t seem as focused or skilled as the previous ones and her opponent quickly gains the upper hand. Lexa’s leg starts to bounce as the other school gains a victory. “Will you teach me?” She blurts out and has no idea where that thought came from or why she said it, but she’s always learned to push through, so there’s no going back now.

 

Especially now that Lexa finally turns her head to look at her, brow furrowed deeper than before and a look of pure confusion on her face Clarke wants to take a picture. “What?”

 

“I want to know more,” she shrugs hoping it comes off smoother than she feels internally. “will you teach me?”

 

“Why me? Why not Octavia?” 

 

She shrugs again and maybe it’s a little more obvious that she’s trying to play it cool. “I want you to, it can be like our new friend bonding time.”

 

Lexa is silent for a moment and she returns her attention back to the piste, Clarke’s heart rate picks up again as she tries to think of all the ways to abort and not make things awkward between them before- “Okay.”

 

“What?” She asks shaking her head slightly as if she heard wrong.

 

“I said, okay.”

 

“Really?” She asks, excitement and somewhat disbelief evident in her voice, because honestly she was on the verge of thinking she needed to find a new tutor.

 

“Yes.” Lexa nods.

 

Clarke grins and before she can do something to ruin the moment, like hug Lexa again, she scoots back down the bench.

 

“What were you doing down there?” Octavia asks with a little bite to her tone and Clarke will really have to sit her down one day to figure out the real cause of it.

 

“Oh, Lexa was explaining some of the rules and stuff to me.” she waves it off, not mentioning the last part of the conversation because she knows her friend wouldn’t handle it well. 

 

“I could have done that.” 

 

“Not while you were fencing,” Clarke points out. “She told me why you didn’t get that point.”

 

Octavia huffs, “I should have had it, I was leading the whole time.”

 

“Yeah well something about priority and you still won.”

 

“Priority can suck it.” Octavia mutters. “I think I deserve ice-cream after that. Menchies?”

 

“Like I’d ever say no to that.”

 

When the last match is over Clarke waits off to the side as Octavia meets with her coach. The other fencers remove their gear and talk amongst themselves. Clarkes eyes drift to where Lexa is bending over her bag, when the other girl stands her gaze meets Clarkes and the blonde has to stop herself from looking away immediately and instead offers a small wave instead. Lexa nods and much to Clarke’s surprise and internal panic, walks over.

 

“Clarke.”

 

“Lexa.” She mimics, earning a small smile .

 

“If you were serious about learning, I-”

 

“I am” She blurts out, interrupting Lexa. “I mean, I do. Want to learn that is, I think it’d be a fun thing to learn.”

 

“Then we will have to find a time that is suitable for both of us.”

 

“Are you free on Saturday?” She asks and curses herself and the way words come out of her mouth before she can think about what she want to say. She definitely needs more time to prepare. “We could hang out a bit, you know like friends do, and you could maybe teach me a little?”

 

“I-”

 

“Lexa!” A voice breaks the little bubble she didn’t know had formed and they both turn to see Anya waving Lexa over. “Let’s go!”

 

“It appears I’m being summoned” Lexa says with a slightly apologetic look.

 

“I guess so.” Clarke says trying to mask the disappointment.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at 5.” is the last thing Lexa says before turning away from her and walking off towards Anya.

 

“Yeah okay” She mumbles and then there’s an arm around her shoulders and her nose scrunches at the proximity to her friend.

 

“Ready to go?” Octavia asks.

.

“Yeah, but maybe you should shower first.” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the little bits are important...

If Clarke is being honest with herself, she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her conversation with Lexa from the previous day and it only circles through her mind more the closer it gets to seeing Lexa later that day. She has no idea where that question came from and really does not have that great of an interest in learning fencing- well she wants to learn  _ about _ it to understand Octavia better and know whats going on when she goes to competition, but really she’s never actually going to fence in her life. The only thing keeping her from changing her mind is that she has an opening with Lexa. She wants them to be friends and knows Lexa isn’t like her when it comes to being comfortable hanging out with new people or at least she isn’t with her. So maybe, by having Lexa teach her how to fence it will make the other girl realise she doesn’t have to be so stiff around her and maybe-

 

A straw wrapper hits her between the eyes and the sounds of the cafeteria fill her ears. “Earth to Clarke” She looks around to see her friends staring her and Octavia pushing the now unwrapped straw into her drink. 

 

“What?” She asks with a fake glare aimed at her friend.

 

“Monty’s been talking to you for the past five minutes but is too nice to break you out of your trance.” Octavia says nodding to the boy next to her and Clarke moves her attention to him, softening her look.

 

“Sorry Monty, what were you saying?”

 

“I was just asking if you were still interested in joining the quiz bowl team because the semester cutoff is next friday.”

 

“Oh!” She had completely forgotten he had asked her to join. “Yeah, yeah, definitely!”

 

“Cool, we’re meeting next Wednesday after school, so just make sure you’re there to confirm your spot” he says causing Clarke to pause, her hand containing a forgotten turkey sandwich frozen halfway up to her mouth. Wednesday after school. Afterschool meaning 3 o’clock. 3 o’clock on a Wednesday. She can’t do that, she has tutoring with Lexa, well she could always move it or worse comes to worse miss a day, but she doesn’t want to. Since when has she cared so much about math?

 

“Is that when you usually meet?” She tries to ask casually.

 

“Yep and the occasional monday or free period, but that’s only when a tournament is coming up.” Monty nods with a smile. “Our first mini series is in two weeks.”

 

“Oh, okay, I’ll be there.” She says with less enthusiasm than intended.

 

“Nerds.”

 

“You’re just as smart as they are Jasper, you just don’t apply yourself.” Harper admonishes.

 

“He’s trying to be the broody and mysterious rebel type, but couldn’t fit into any of those categories if he paid money to.” Octavia adds.

 

“I’m right here you know.”

 

“Yeah and I hate to break it to you but Alyssa hasn’t looked your way.” Monroe tries to say gently while holding back a laugh at the pouting boy with the recently shaved head.

 

“She doesn’t want to let on that she’s into me.” Jasper says with a firm nod as if trying to convince himself.

 

“Just please don’t do anything drastic and ask her to homecoming even though you know she already said yes to Ryan.” Harper pleads

 

“I’m sure she’d change her answer if someone better asked.” Jasper reasons

 

“Unless Ryan Reynolds  _ and  _ Blake Lively come and ask her, I don’t think she’ll find anyone better for herself.” Octavia quips and Jasper sulks.

 

“Anyway,” Harper says. “Clarke do you have a date yet?”

 

At being addressed Clarke looks up and again all eyes are on her. “Uh, no, since I didn’t really want to go in the first place, I didn’t want to drag someone down and was just planning on tagging along with the group.”

 

“Perfect, you can go with Monty then!” Harper says excitedly.

 

“Um, what? Aren’t you two going together?”

 

“My family is apparently having a reunion that weekend in Omaha and attendance mandatory.” The other blonde says with an eye roll.

 

“So you want me to go to homecoming with Monty, your boyfriend?” Clarke asks with slightly narrowed eyes and looks at Monty who just shrugs.

 

“As friends obviously, but you know just so he has someone to dance with” Harper says and then leans closer to whisper in Clarkes ear. “And I don’t want anyone to get any ideas that they can make a move since I’m not there.” And now it’s Clarke’s turn to roll her eyes because she honestly doesn’t see Monty that way so it’s hard to picture other girls fawning over him, it was weird enough for her when he and Harper got together.

 

“Looks like I found myself a date.” she obliges     

 

\----

 

The two hours between school and tutoring pass by quickly with the amount of work she has to do. With it being half way through the semester her teachers seem to think it’s a good time to pile everything they can on and Clarke is drowning in papers.

 

The chair in front of her scrapes along the floor as it slides out and she looks up to smile at the person. “Hey, Lexa”

 

“Clarke.” Lexa greets with her usual head nod as she opens her bag.

 

“How was your day?” 

 

“Uneventful, did you find  out how you did on your test?”

 

Clarke sighs “Yeah, I got a B”

 

Lexa looks up and studies her for a moment. “Why don’t you seem happy about that?”

 

“I thought I did so well on it”

 

“Clarke, you did do well on it” Lexa assures.

 

“I didn’t get an A.”

 

“No, not this time, but A’s aren’t everything and a B is still a great grade. I know your scores are important to you, but look at how you have already improved a letter grade within a month. You have what it takes to keep going and earn that A if you want, I know you can.” Lexa says so assuredly that Clarke feels something take over and settle within her. Knowing that Lexa believes in her for some reason gives her a lot more confidence and determination to push forward. 

 

She manages to not get sidetracked once during the hour long session and even though she doesn’t understand the covered materials fully, a lot of her initial confusion is gone. 

 

It’s when she’s done putting everything in her bag and is sliding her coat on that she notices Lexa is still sitting at the table.

 

“Why aren’t you packing up?” She asks

 

“I’m going to stay her for a little while longer.” Lexa replies

 

“Do you need a ride or something?”

 

“No, I just can’t go home yet so I plan to get my work done.” Lexa says and Clarkes brow furrows, trying to sort through all of the reasons why Lexa can’t go home and only coming up with bad ones.

 

“Why can’t you?”

 

Lexa sighs and looks up at her. “My uncle has a date at the house this evening, I can’t go home until after eight.” she explains

 

“What,” Clarke practically balks “that’s absurd, he can’t do that.”

 

“It isn’t really, he should be able to have a life and I don’t mind.”

 

“Yeah but-”

 

“There’s no need to get riled up over nothing” Lexa cuts her off.

 

“What are you going to do for dinner then?” Clarke asks.

 

“The cafe has bagels and i have some granola bars in my bag” Lexa says and leans over to pull out the mentioned snack food as if to prove she’d be fine and Clarke is not for it.

 

“No absolutely not” She shakes her head and grabs the granola out of Lexa’s hand.

 

“What are you doing?” Lexa asks in a mix of confusion and alarm as she watches Clarke shove the food back into her back pack and grab her folders off of the table. “Clarke” it comes out as a kind of warning but the blonde keeps moving, shoving the school work- but careful not to crinkle anything- into the bag and zipping it up. 

 

“You’re not going to sit in the library all night and not have a proper meal.” She says determinedly and starts walking towards the stairs with Lexa’s bag awkwardly slung over her shoulder bumping against her own.

 

Lexa catches up to her quickly, stopping her on the second step. “Give me my bag Clarke.” She says seriously.

 

“No” Clarke says and stands a little straighter.

 

“Clarke.”

 

“You’re coming to my house for dinner.” She states.

 

“I could have gone to a friends house if I wanted to” Lexa says and tries to reach for her things but Clarke turns to the side and starts descending.

 

“Yeah but I have a feeling you’re big on not wanting to feel like you’re intruding, even with your closest friends” She says and the slight clench of Lexa’s jaw practically confirms her thought.

 

“Or I just wanted to study and get ahead on my work.”

 

“Well, if you really want to do that my house has a nice desk for you to work at after you have real food in your stomach.” Clarke says having no trouble shooting down all of Lexa’s attempts and they’ve already reached the main doors

 

“That’s really not necessary.” Lexa says coming to a stop outside the library.

 

“Just accept defeat and go get in the car Lexa,” Clarke says before pausing. “wait where’s your bike?” She asks looking around all of the bike racks even though she has no idea what Lexas bike looks like.

 

Eventually the brunette relents and they carefully maneuver the bike into the trunk of Clarkes car. 

 

The ride is silent, but thankfully she lives only a few minute away so there isn’t a whole lot of time to dwell of it.

 

As she parks her car in the garage Lexa finally speaks. “Did you ask your mother if it was okay?”

 

“No, but she won’t care, she’ll just be happy to have someone else over.” Clarke says.

 

“You should have at least told her I was coming.” Lexa says slightly agitated.

 

“Lexa, really it’s fine. My mom loves having people over and we always make more than enough food for just the two of us.” She assures and gets out of the car hoping Lexa will follow. And she does.

 

“Mom Im home, we have company” She shouts as she opens the door to the house.

 

“How many times are we going to do this? If I changed your diapers, you’re not company and have to clean up after yourself.” Comes her mothers voice from the kitchen.

 

“Octavia isn’t here, I Lexa is” She corrects.

 

“Lexa?” Abby questions and when they walk into the kitchen a look of recognition crosses her face.

 

“Hello Mrs Griffin” Lexa greets.

 

“Welcome back, Lexa, are you here for dinner?”

 

“I wouldn’t want to imp-”

 

“Yes.” Clarke cuts her off because seriously didn’t they just go over that? “she’s here for dinner”

 

Abby smiles and turns back to the stove. “Do you have any allergies?

 

“Nothing food related”

 

“Great! Why don’t you two wash up, it will be ready in a couple of minutes.” Abby says.

 

“Do you need any help?’ Lexa offers

 

“I think I’m set, all that’s left is drinks, which you guys can grab for yourselves and then bringing things to the table.”

 

Once they are all seated and eating their meal, it’s not as awkward as Clarke thought it would be. To be honest, she didn’t really have many expectations, just from her time knowing Lexa, she didn’t know how she would be interacting with her mom. What surprised her is how well they got along.

 

Now, Lexa did start a little closed off for instance

 

_ “Lexa. is that short for something?” Abby asked curiously, trying to open a conversation. _

 

And Lexa responded with _ “No, it’s just Lexa”  _ and proceeded to stare at her plate for a few moments.

 

But then Abby offhandedly mentioned something about all of her failed gardens and how she apparently didn’t inherit her families green thumb and Lexa’s attention was drawn.

 

Which is how Clarke found herself a sideline witness at dinner, listening to Lexa tell her mother about the walnut tree in their yard and something about chemicals and not suitable planting soil and relocation and really Clarke almost forgot about her food because she’s never heard Lexa talk so much and her mother is just absorbing every word the brunette is saying, nodding along and should Clarke talk her meal elsewhere?

“That was delicious, thank you for letting me join you.” Lexa says once everyone is done eating.

 

“Oh of course, you’re welcome here anytime. Especially if you come with more gardening tips, then maybe I’ll be able to use my own produce.” Her mother says happily. Lexa stands and brings her dishes to the sink. “Oh don’t worry about the dishes, I’ll take care of them” Abby waves off.

 

“Are you sure mom?” 

 

Abby smiles “Yes, you girls go have fun.”

 

Clarke sort of nods in acknowledgement, but she was kind of hoping to use the time spent doing dishes to figure out what to do with Lexa until eight, if Lexa even wanted to do anything that is, the girl might actually want to do school work like she said, but Clarke really hopes that isn’t the case.

 

She looks at Lexa who is standing by the counter looking slightly unsure. “Want to go do something in my room?” She asks.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Cool, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, more them time next time!  
> trying to post a few this weekend since I wont be able to upload next weekend, but we'll see how that pans out xx


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of Friday and the beginning of Saturday

There’s no way to really drag out going up the stairs, going too slow would make the hesitation obvious, but Clarke just needs a few extra moments to think so she moves at a leisurely pace with Lexa following behind.

 

Once they make it to her room Clarke drops into her spring chair, bouncing ungraciously as she watches Lexa slide out her desk chair to take a seat. At the slightly rigid posture of the other girl Clarke does a mental eye roll, it’s going to take a bit of effort to get Lexa to completely relax around her, but she’s up for the challenge.

 

“Do you want to watch something or do something?” She asks.

 

“Either would be fine” Lexa answers, eyes wandering around the room not stopping on anything for more than two seconds.

 

“Okaay” Clarke drawls out at the lack of help, looking around to see what her options were and spotting something that just might work. 

 

“Do you like scrabble?”

 

Lexa looks at her and then over to the stack of games on the bookshelf “Yes.”

 

“Awesome” She bounces out of her chair to grab the game and opens it up on her bed.

 

“Shouldn’t we play at a table?” 

 

“Nah, this’ll be fine, it’s got the grooves to hold the pieces in and it’s more comfy.” Clarke says, laying on her stomach with her legs bent up so her feet knock against the wall and her head propped up by one arm on a pillow as she writes out their names on the scorecard. She looks up when she notices Lexa hasn’t joined her. “There’s plenty of room.” she gestures to other half of the bed and Lexa slowly makes her way over and takes a seat. “You might get a stiff neck like that.”

 

“I’ll manage.” Lexa says 

 

By the sixth word Lexa seems to have managed enough and mimics Clarkes position as they stare intently at the board. For some reason Clarke thought they would be able to have a conversation going during the game, but Lexa likes to focus on the tiles so as to not miss the highest scoring move and when Clarke learns this, the competition is on. 

 

Clarke uses a lot of psychology and medical terms that Lexa’s never heard of and Lexa uses fencing and plant terminology that Clarke’s never heard of, needless to a lot of challenging and googling was happening and it was one of the most heated games of scrabble that Clarke has ever been a part of.

 

“You just lost yourself the game, Clarke.” Lexa says with a satisfactory smile.

 

“I’m sixty-four point ahead of you.” She says with an incredulous look, not seeing how it was possible for Lexa to pull ahead with no double or triple score places in reach.

 

Lexa gives her a smug look as she lays all seven of her tiles, the last of the tiles, down on the board, playing off of her last move.

 

“That is  _ so  _ not a word!” she exclaims, staring down at the board.

 

“Really? You’ve challenged almost all of my plays and all of them were real words.”

 

“Yeah, so you could lull me into a sense of trust so I’d believe you when you tried to play me.” She accuses, jokingly of course.

 

“We learned about parenchyma in Litman’s AP Biology.” 

 

“I had Henderson and I don’t recall learning about this made up word.”

 

“It’s the main cell type of plants and most invertebrates, it’s a pretty important thing to learn about.”

 

Clarke huffs and pulls opens the dictionary app on her phone and after typing in the word, sure enough it’s there. “Whatever.”

 

“I believe that’s seventy-three points plus whatever you have left, which means I win.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, gloat a little more why don’t you.” She tries to sound annoyed but can’t keep from smiling. “I want a rematch.”

 

“You’re on, it’ll have to wait though, it’s ten til.” Lexa says and Clarke glances at the clock which illuminates 7:51 and her smile falls at realising her time with Lexa has come to an end.

 

“Do you have to go? It’s a Friday night afterall” Clarke asks somewhat hopefully and Lexa hesitates with her answer.

 

“I have to get a few things done tonight and I’d rather do them before I get too tired.” 

“Right of course, I didn’t mean to force you to come over here or like kidnap you or whatever.”

 

Lexa’s brow furrows at the change in her tone and her statement. “You didn’t make me do anything. I could have stayed, but I’m glad you persisted, I had a good time and I-” Lexa pauses as if trying to decide if she wants to say what she was thinking. “I would have liked to stay longer, but I really do have things to do.”

 

“No I get it, just let me go to the bathroom real quick and we can go.” She says sliding off the bed.

 

“You do not need to drive me.” Lexa stops her.

 

“I’m not going to let you bike home in the dark.”

 

“It wouldn’t be the first time and definitely won’t be the last.”

 

“Your bike is already in my car.”

 

“There’s no need for you to-”

 

“I insist” She says before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door, missing the “fine” that is muttered as Lexa puts away the tiles.

 

Abby was on a work call in the office when they made it downstairs and it was only with Clarke promising to thank her-  _ again- _ for her hospitality, that Lexa was content to leave.

 

“So is it just you and your uncle?” Clarke asks the question that’s been on her mind since the library as she pulls down the drive.

 

“Yes, he’s never been married and doesn’t have any children that I know of.” Lexa says and Clarke nods tapping her fingers on the wheel.

 

“How long have you lived with him?” Clarke questions hoping she’s not been too invasive, but she’s curious.

 

“Since I was five.”

 

“Oh,” Is all Clarke manages,tightening her grip as she contemplates.  “I lost my dad almost two years ago, it was-”

 

“I don’t mean to interrupt and if you wish to tell me about him I will gladly listen, but I feel as though you are only telling me this because you believe we share something and I don’t want there to be any false pretense. My parents are alive, they are just out of the country more than they’re in it.” Lexa explains and Clarke swears she feels the shift in Lexa’s demeanor.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry I assumed, I just.”

 

“There is nothing to apologise for, and like I said if you want to tell me about him you can.” Lexa says genuinely

 

“I appreciate that, maybe another time” she says and the low volume music fills the would be silence as Clarke controls her emotions and Lexa looks out the window.

 

“Did you still want to learn tomorrow?” Lexa asks after a few moments.

 

“What?”

 

“You asked if I was free Saturday to teach you how to fence.” Lexa reminds her as if she’d forget what she’s been fretting about for the past couple of days, her mind just hadn’t caught up to the conversation yet.

 

“Right, yes, that works for me if it does for you.” she says

 

“Does noon sound okay?”

 

That means actually having to put real clothes on before one, but it’s to see Lexa so…”That sounds perfect, you think you can handle seeing me so many days in a row.” she jests looking over in time to catch the smile on Lexa’s lips.

 

“I think I’ll manage.” Lexa says as Clarke turns on to her street.

 

“Doesn’t that make me feel good.” Clarke says with a small laugh. “Where works best for you? I can come here?”

 

“If it is alright with you and your mom, I think your house would be best.” 

 

“It shouldn’t be a problem, but I’ll ask.” Clarke says which gives her an opening. “Maybe I should have your number, so I can let you know what she says.” she says in her most casual voice even though her heart started beating faster at just the thought of asking. She pulls the car into Lexa’s drive and looks over at the girl. “Or you know for other tutoring or friend related stuff”

 

“That seems logical” Lexa agrees and Clarke hands over her phone and watches Lexa input her number. “Thank you for the ride and for inviting me over for dinner.” Lexa says as she grabs her bag from the backseat. Clarke hops out of the car to help get the bike out of the trunk and stands outside her car as Lexa walks it up to the garage. With one last wave Clarke is headed back home.

 

She stops by the office to see if her mom is still on the phone before going up stairs. Abby is sitting at the desk looking at a bunch of open folders and journals.

 

Clarke knocks softly on the door frame as to not startle her.

 

“Hi sweetie, are you taking Lexa home?” 

 

“Just got back from doing that actually, you were on a call so we didn’t want to disturb you. She said thank you again for dinner and letting her come over.” Clarke relays and Abby shakes her head with a smile.

 

“It would be nice if some of her politeness rubbed off on your other friends.” Abby says only somewhat jokingly.  

 

“We’re working on it.” 

 

“Are you off to bed already?”

 

“I think I might just go watch a show or something until I fall asleep, it was a long week and I’m kinda beat.” Clarke says and as if on cue a long yawn takes over.

 

“Well I hope you sleep well. Do you have plans for the rest of the weekend? I have an out patient surgery at one tomorrow, but should be here after that.”

 

“Actually, is it okay if Lexa comes over again tomorrow?” She asks and for some reason she’s nervous her mother will say no.

 

“Of course, she seems responsible enough to be here with you while I’m gone and I do recall telling her she was welcome anytime.”

 

“Thank you.” she breathes out and goes over to hug her mom. “Goodnight.”

 

“Goodnight honey, I love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

She texts Lexa on her way up to her room, saying that her mother said it was okay and while she changed into her pajamas she heard her phone buzz from the response.

 

**Lexa (9:16):** see you tomorrow, Clarke

 

She slides under the covers completely unaware of the permanent smile on her face.

 

\----- 

 

The next day Clarke finds herself cleaning. Yes, Lexa was just there the day before and nothing has changed, but Clarke still felt the need to make the house look a little more presentable. Her mother of course wasn’t complaining, pointing out missed spots and bringing the vacuum out of the closet for her.

 

When she’s windexing the bathroom mirror her phone buzzes in her pocket and she , quickly pulls it out in case it’s Lexa, she offered to pick her up, but the brunette adamantly refused.

 

**Octavia (11:46):** what r we doing today

 

**Clarke (11:48):** Lexa’s coming over to hang out

 

**Octavia (11:48):** please tell me ur joking

 

She stares at the message, brow furrowed

 

**Clarke (11:49):** Why would I be?

 

**Octavia (11:50):** u cant be serious

 

**Clarke (11:51):** We’re friends, friends hang out

 

**Octavia (11:53):** youre freinds with her now?!

 

**Clarke (11:54):** Yes

 

**Clarke (11:55):** and you can’t change my mind about it

 

She decides to tack on because she knows that’s where this conversation would lead and she doesn’t have the time or energy for it. 

 

**Octavia (11:58):** whatever ill be here when you do

 

Clarke puts her phone away with an eye roll just in time for there to be a knock at the door. She practically skips over to it, yanking it open to reveal Lexa standing on the other side hands gripping the strap of the bag that’s slung over her shoulder.

 

“Hey, Lexa.”

 

“Clarke.” Lexa greets as she walks inside.

 

“I didn’t know where would be the best place or if there was something specific I should wear or if we would even start right away or-”

 

“You’re rambling.” Lexa cuts her off with a small smile. “Anywhere we would have enough space to move around a little would be fine, I would suggest nothing too constricting for clothing but it doesn’t look like thats an issue and I am fine to start when you are ready.” 

 

Clarke nods and leads her into the living room. They moved the coffee table off to the side so they have an open area to be in.

 

“Alright.” Lexa starts and opens her bag. “Most of my gear is at school but I have pieces from my old practise set” She says as she pulls out a mask, a glove, some sort of half shirt and an epee.

 

“Do I get to hold the sword?” She asks excitedly.

 

“It’s an epee and yes.” Lexa nods. “Here’s your glove, you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want I only brought it and the rest to show you.”

 

“I’ll wear it.” She says almost snatching it out of Lexa’s hand and sliding it onto her own. “Why do you only wear one glove?” 

 

“It’s just tradition. You can wear one on your off hand if you wish but then it is often assumed you are going to parry with it or try to grab your opponent's weapon.” Lexa explains.

 

“Oh, well it’s on my off hand now, I’m a leftie.” She says wiggling the fingers of the mentioned hand. 

 

“Good thing this isn’t real then, because I don’t have a left glove.” Lexa says and Clarke smiles. “Here’s your weapon.” Lexa says handing over the epee.

 

Clarke takes it eagerly and moves to the middle of the room waving it back and forth.

“You’re not standing right”

 

“Well considering that you never told me how to stand I think I’m doing a pretty good job, I am upright after all.” 

 

“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke” Lexa says

 

“Yeah, yeah. How am I supposed to be?” She asks not taking her eyes off the weapon in her hand.

 

“Dominant foot forward and your other 2-3 feet back and perpendicular to the front one.” Lexa explains.

 

“Like this” she says after positioning herself with her left foot forward.

 

“Pretty good.” Lexa nods.

 

“Okay now what?”

 

“When you move, the foot closest to that direction goes first, so if you want to move forward…”

 

“My front foot goes first.” She completes

 

“Exactly and it’s the same if you move backwards only your right foot would go first”

 

She nods and practises the flow of the movement while she debates talking to Lexa about what’s been on her mind since Octavia had texted her.

 

“That’s good, do you want to learn some attacks?”

 

“Yes, but can I ask you something first?”

 

“It would appear so”

 

“Why don’t you hang out with the other fencers?” She asks and looks directly at Lexa so she doesn’t miss her reaction.

 

“I do.”

 

“But octavia says you never go to the team celebrations or hangouts.”

 

“That’s true I don’t” Lexa agrees.

 

“Then what…?”

 

“I only spend time with a few of them, Anya, Luna, Caspian, sometimes Rachel, and then I also help Aden practise since he’s new to it.

 

“Why don’t you go to the group stuff then?” She asks curiously.

 

Lexa shrugs “The rest of them hold childish grudges and don’t seem to care for me, I’m not going to waste my time trying to get them to like me or fake being friendly with people who decided they disliked me before they even knew me.”

 

“What makes you think they didn’t like you?”

 

Lexa sighs “I joined late sophomore year and they were all in their little groups already and then they saw that I was better than them, I’m not trying to sound full of myself, I was always used for demonstrations and got picked for captain after not being on the team long, and they all got bitter. Not directly, but they were never outwardly friendly and there were a lot of less than subtle glares when they thought I wasn’t looking. You’d think they would be happy that the team got better, but they took it as a hit to their egos. Like I said it wasn’t everyone and I enjoy it enough that it doesn’t bother me.” Lexa finishes and Clarke tries to process this new information. Is her friend really that hung up and rude towards Lexa simply because she’s good at fencing? There had to be more to it, she has to believe Octavia is more than that, she’ll just have to actually sit her down and ask her instead of dropping the conversation every time one of them gets annoyed.

 

“You still with me?” Lexa questions.

 

“What? Oh yeah, yeah sorry.”

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah, I’m great. Attacks right?”

 

“Let’s see how well you can lunge”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was alright! Next chapter will be the rest of their day and then a small jump through the next week.  
> I'm hoping I'll be able to post sometime mid week, but if not I'll see you in two weeks! Let me know what you thought of the chapter and if there's something you want to see! xx


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of their Saturday.

After practicing different attacks, standing in the position Lexa told her to, Clarke’s thighs are aching. Not that she’d let Lexa know that and who knew holding your arm up for so long could burn? She didn’t realise it was such a workout, that or she’s more out of shape than she thought she was.

 

“Okay, that last one was good, but you let your arm sag too much. If we were sparring, those extra seconds it takes you to adjust would give me an opening.” Lexa nods to herself, walking around Clarke for what feels like the  _ thousandth _ time to observe her stance, it was only around the thirtieth time that Clarke stopped feeling the urge to squirm under the intense gaze.  

 

“Right, sorry.” She says and corrects her arm which is starting to shake a bit. “Uh do you want to maybe take a break for a bit? Give my brain some time to try and remember everything before adding more to the mess that’s inside there.” She waves her epee-less hand around her head.

 

“That is probably a good idea. I am surprised you stayed focused for as long as you did considering our tutoring sessions.” Lexa says and Clarke’s jaw almost drops.

 

“Yea well” She huffs looking for a retort “this is a little more interesting than calc.” She says handing over the sword.

 

Lexa hums in acknowledgment as she slides it into its protector “I suppose it is.” 

 

Clarke watches Lexa organise the rest of her equipment, the care she handles everything with, and momentarily lets herself be distracted enough to not notice Lexa’s hands still as she looks up. 

 

“Are you alright?” Clarke meets Lexa slightly concerned gaze and straightens.

 

“Yea, yes, I’m great.” she nods more so to herself than in answer. “A little hungry actually, did you have lunch before you came over?”

 

“No, but if you would like to eat I can leave.” Lexa says and Clarke has to hold back a laugh. This friend thing is going to take a little longer to soak in for Lexa it seems.

 

“That’s not- follow me.” she says and turns, walking towards the kitchen. She goes to the fridge and starts pulling out ingredients.

 

“What are you doing?” 

 

“Building a rocket” she rolls her eyes “I’m making us food.” She says and grabs a pan out of the cupboard and starts preheating it on the stove.

 

“You don’t have-”

 

“Just accept it and if it will make you feel less...whatever you’re feeling about this then you can cut the peppers.” Clarke says and Lexa opens her mouth to say something, but apparently decides against it and moves to grab the assorted peppers.

 

“Can you point me in the direction of a cutting board?”

 

“Corner cabinet, second shelf, can you get one out for me as well for the onion?” She asks, placing the sweet italian turkey sausage on the hot skillet. When she turns around Lexa is coring one of the green peppers and there’s a spare cutting board to her right.

 

“Are all of your meals this involved?”

 

“Not all of them, but I like to cook when I have time and I don’t just want to make you a boring peanut butter and jelly.”

 

“Those are not boring.” Lexa defends.

 

“Maybe not, but it’s not very nutritious.” Se shrugs.

 

“It’s just, I don’t know many people our age that do this.” Lexa says and Clarke takes a minute to decide how she wants to respond.

 

“My mom said I needed to be able to take care of myself and she wasn’t going to have me only eating sandwiches and pasta.” She explains as she moves from her spot to turn the sausage over.

 

“That makes sense, she won’t be there when you go to college to make sure you’re eating well so she made sure you had the capabilities of doing it yourself.”

 

“Exactly, “She agrees “Plus it was how we bonded.”

 

“You do seem close from the small time I have seen you together.

 

“Yeah it started after our sunday dinners started” She says

 

“What happens on sunday?” Lexa asks

 

“Nothing happens.” She says and when she plays it back and realizes how unnecessarily cryptic she’s being.

 

“I don’t follow.”

 

“After my dad died, my mom and I stopped talking to each other.” 

 

“Oh”

 

“Yeah and after six months of not basically never seeing each other she implemented the sunday dinner rule.” She starts to explain as she tosses the different peppers and sliced onion in a little bit of olive oil. “It started off with takeout and silence, but we were both at the table so that was something. Then she started cooking, but I stayed in my room until it was ready and after it was done I went back up. After a couple months of that, she called me down to help and I almost refused but decided I didn’t have to say anything and it would be over faster.” She sighs thinking back to how awful she had been. “That’s when she said I had to be able to take care of myself. Somehow that got us to really start talking to each other and enjoying the meal which eventually extended past sundays.”

 

Lexa is quiet long enough for Clarke to start regretting telling her that, it was too soon and no she’s made it awkward and -“I’m glad you were able to mend your relationship with your mother.” Lexa’s voices ends her internal beration.

 

“Me too.” She says avoiding Lexa’s gaze and taking the sausage out of the pan and replacing it with the vegetables.

 

“What are we having anyway?” Lexa asks and Clarke sees it as the out it is and is grateful.

 

“I always call it a hoagie, but I don’t actually know if that’s what it is. Veggies and sausage on a hoagie roll.”

 

“I’ve never had one of those before.” Lexa says pointing to the pan.

 

“A hungarian wax pepper? They’re pretty good, adds a little more flavor and depending on the ripeness a bit of a kick.” She says before adding “I hope that’s okay.”

 

“Sounds great actually.”

 

Half way through lunch, they hear the sound of the garage door and moments later Abby enters the kitchen.

 

“Hi girls.” Abby greets

 

“Hello Mrs Griffin.” Lexa says sitting up a little straighter. “How did your surgery go?”

 

“As expected, he’ll be up and running as normal again in a few weeks. Though like always I certainly worked up an appetite and something smells good in here any chance you saved me some?”

 

“That’s so weird. I get that it’s a lot of energy, but it still don’t understand how all the internal nasty doesn’t have the opposite effect on your stomach.” Clarke says scrunching her nose and beside her Lexa slowly sets down her sandwich.

 

“We’ve gone over this and I’m sure you don’t want to hear it again.” Abby says and looks around the kitchen. “Well?”

 

“In the oven, wrapped in foil.” Clarke says and smiles when her mom kisses the top of her head before hurrying over to get her food. 

 

“What have you two been up to?” Abby asks when she joins them.

 

“Lexa’s teaching me how to fence.” 

 

“Is she now?” Abby asks with a raised brow.

 

“Yes, Clarke has shown a lot of prospect with the few movements we went over.”

 

“Has she?”

 

“Why do you sound so surprised?” She asks slightly offended.

 

“Maybe from all of the activities and sports you always begged to join as a kid and changed your mind after the first day, because you weren’t good at them. Even though I tried to explain that you could have fun anyway and maybe even get better with continued attendance.” Her mother says

 

“Yea, well. Maybe I didn’t have someone who cared enough to teach me.” She retorts and her mother shakes her head with a small smile before turning to Lexa.

 

“You’re brave, math and a sport and she’s still friends with you?” 

 

“It has all come as a surprise to me as well.” Lexa says

 

“You’ll have to share your secrets with me.” 

 

“Okay ha ha, jokes over.” Clarke fake pouts.

 

“Alright, we we’re just having a little fun.” Abby placates. “Are you girls excited for the dance next weekend?” she asks changing the subject.

 

“As much as I can be for a school dance.” Clarke practically grumbles. “Which reminds me, is it okay if we take pictures here? I don’t know what we’re doing for dinner, but ours is the best house for the group size.”

 

“Of course, that’s more than okay. I’ll have to pull out your dads nice camera to get some good shots.” Abby says and Clarke groans

 

“Just don’t be embarrassing okay?”

 

“I can’t promise that, but I’ll try my best.” her mom says and Clarke doesn’t miss the wink thrown towards Lexa. “What about you? Are you joining Clarke and her other friends?” She asks the brunette.

 

“No, my friends and I made our own plans. We’ll be having dinner at a restaurant one of my friends family owns after taking pictures at the park gazebo.” Lexa answers.

 

“That sounds lovely. Do you have a date or is it a group thing?”

 

“All of us have dates.” Lexa responds and for some reason at that moment Clarkes stomach starts to hurt, lunch must not be sitting right because it feels like a brick lodged its way in there. 

 

“Do you have a boyfriend?”  Abby asks genuinely curious and Lexa actually hesitates before answering.

“No, I’m going with Lina, she’s an exchange student this semester.”

 

“Oh, so it is a friend thing.” Abby says and Clarke would have cringed if it weren’t for all of the new information she was learning and her body deciding it was having a breakdown over lunch.

 

“Only because she will be leaving by winter break and long distance relationships are hard enough outside of highschool.” Lexa says, eyeing Abby carefully as she processes the Lexa’s words.

 

“Oh.” and then a little louder “Oh. I see. Well that- that is responsible thinking.”

 

“We thought so.” Lexa nods.

 

“If you girls would excuse me, I can’t remember if I logged out at the hospital and want to call and make sure I did.” Abby says standing up from the table. “Thank you for lunch.”

 

“I think I made your mom uncomfortable.” Lexa says as soon as Abby is out of earshot.

 

“She just gets really focused when something is on her mind, she’s fine.” Clarke tries to wave off the awkwardness that’s settled around them.

 

“Does she have a problem with gay people?” Lexa asks outright and Clarke really shouldn’t be surprised by the forwardness anymore.

 

“What? No, no. She doesn’t- no. I mean, no-“ Clarke stutters and Lexa raises a brow. “This is a new discovery, I had no idea and I don’t support her...nonsupport? Obviously and I’m thinking of ways to hopefully change that.” She stops her mess of a thought and swears Lexa gives her something between a sad and understanding look, but she’s probably just seeing things because that wouldn’t make sense.

 

“If it changes anything just let me know, I’ll understand.” Lexa says and starts clearing the table.

 

“What do you mean? Nothing is going to change and you don’t need to do that.”

 

“Manners are important, Clarke, it would be considered rude if I didn’t.”

 

“What if here it’s considered rude if you do?” She asks taking the plates out of Lexa’s hands and putting them in the dishwasher.

 

“We’ll have to come up with a compromise I suppose.”   

“Fine, I’ll wash the pan while you wipe down the table. Deal?”

 

“Deal.”

 

After the kitchen was clean, Clarke asked Lexa for a rematch in scrabble and the two of them spent the next hour trying to out do each others scores. It all came down to Clarke ending up with all vowels for the last four turns of the game, creating a point gap too large for her to make up.

 

“You rigged it.”

 

“That’s literally impossible.” Lexa says putting the tiles back in the bag.

 

“You would think, but somehow you did.”

 

“It was an unlucky couple of draws, the game is half luck of the tiles, half word knowledge. The luck wasn’t on your side today.”

 

“It will be next time.” She says with her arms crossed.

 

“If you’re done pouting, it’s time for me to leave.”

 

“What? Now? You can’t stay longer?” She rushes out before collecting herself. “I mean, you’re welcome to stay.”

 

“Thank you for the offer, but I have to go now so I can drop my stuff back home before going meeting my friends at the movie theatre.”

 

“I can drive you home?” She says, though it comes out as more of a hopeful question. 

“I appreciate you offering, but I think I want to enjoy the last of the good biking weather while I can.” Lexa says and Clarke nods.

 

“I get that, well not the biking for miles, but the weather part.” She says and Lexa lets out a little laugh that has Clarkes insides singing.

 

They make their way downstairs, Lexa helps her more the furniture back before shouldering her bag and Clarke walks her to the door.

 

“I don’t want to disturb your mom, but tell her thank you for letting me come over and again I understand if that changes.”

 

Clarke just shakes her head. “Nothing changed or is going to, but I am sorry if you ever felt uncomfortable today.” She says as she opens the door.

 

“I had fun, you’re a fast learner and if you ever want to learn more just let me know.” Lexa offers, stepping on to the porch. “I’ll see you Tuesday?”

 

“Yep! Oh! Actually is there anyway we can do Monday instead of wednesday? I joined the quizbowl team and that’s when they meet.” She explains.

 

“That should be fine, I will let you know if it isn’t after I look at my planner.” Lexa says after some thought.

 

“Okay, thank you. I know it’s kind of late, I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

 

“It’s fine, Clarke, no need to worry. I think my 3 o’clock is still open.” Lexa says. “I do need to…” She gestures over her shoulder.

 

“Right, yeah, I won’t keep you any longer. Have fun with your friends.”

 

“Thank you, bye Clarke.” Lexa gives her a small wave as she walks down the steps.

 

“Bye.” she leans in the doorway until Lexa disappears down the street. Back in the house she walks down the hall towards the office. “Mom?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Are you busy?” She spots her mother sitting at the desk looking down at something in her lap. 

 

“No, is Lexa still here?”

 

“She just left. Can we talk?” She asks stepping further into the room.

 

“Of course, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about as well.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your support, hopefully I'm back to a consistent update schedule.  
> What did you think of the chapter?  
> Next up- Abby/Clarke talk, a bit of the week, and the start of homecoming  
> xx


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, I split this up so look for an mid week update to make up for the wait

“What did you want to talk about?” Her mother asks and though she doesn’t look nervous, Clarke knows her mother’s tells well enough to see past the business exterior.

 

“Oh, you can go first.” Clarke says thinking it might be about the same thing and it would probably be easier to cover once she knows her mother’s thoughts.

 

“Alright,” Abby sighs and stands, giving Clarke a look at what was in her lap, an old photo album. “let’s move to somewhere a little more comfortable.” so it’s going to be one of  _ those  _ talks, great.

 

They walk in a somewhat awkward silence to the living room and settle on opposite ends of the couch. Clarke just watches as Abby taps her fingers on the album, waiting for her mother to come out of her head.

 

“Have you heard from any schools yet?” Abby asks causing Clarke’s brow to furrow.

 

“Um, no. The earliest I’ll hear is December.”

 

“That’s right.” Abby nods “Well depending on where you decide to go we’ll have to talk about finances.”

 

Except they already have, extensively. When she had first started her applications her mother sat down with her to have that exact talk. Unless something has changed, the only financial expense Clarke had to worry about was text books, which are grossly over priced, or making up the difference if she didn’t live in a dorm. She knows she’s lucky not to have to deal with loans and debt, but she also knows this wouldn’t be the case without her father’s life insurance checks. 

 

“Okay, I mean I’m kind of hoping for State so.”

 

“I think you’d like their program.” Abby agrees. Clarke waits for something else, but nothing comes and another silence settles over them. Her leg starts bouncing as she tries to figure out what was really going on in her mom’s head and whether or not she should bring up what she wanted to discuss.

 

“Is that really what you wanted to talk about?” She finally asks and her mother sighs.

 

“No.” Abby admits and again Clarke is finding out just how patient or really just how well she hides her impatience with how little her mother is giving her.

 

“So?”

 

Abby runs her hand along the album before opening it to a marked page. “You know how much I love your father.” She states and Clarke startles slightly at the subject change.

 

“Y-yeah,” she starts clearing her throat of the sudden frog that made its home there. “I do.”

 

“And that will never change.” Abby says softly. “I didn’t think it would happen so soon.”

 

“Mom, what’s going on?” Clarke asks trying to keep any alarm out of her voice.

 

“I’ve been seeing someone for the last few weeks.” And that stops Clarke, the last thing she expected her mother to say was that she was dating again.

 

“W-what?”

 

“He’s a malpractice attorney.”

 

“Oh” Is all she can stay because honestly processing is a thing.

 

“Yes, I realize how silly that sounds, but we met at a function last fall and then had a few random run ins over the year. We didn’t start going out just the two of us until August.” Abby supplies. August. It’s October. That’s more than what qualifies as  _ a few weeks.  _ And they met over a year ago! How didn’t she know? Where was she when- “I’d really like to introduce him to you.”

 

Wait. “what?” 

 

“I know it’s a lot to take in and it doesn’t have to be soon, but it would be great if you two could meet.” Abby says hopefully.

 

“Oh” she says and cringes slightly at her two word vocabulary. “Um. Okay.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yeah, uh we can set something up, have him over for dinner or something.” She says quickly, standing from the couch.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yep just let me know when. But I was actually supposed to be over at Octavia’s like” she looks down at her watchless arm “twenty minutes ago so I should probably be going.” She moves toward the hallway.

 

“I thought you weren’t seeing her until tomorrow.”

 

“That changed when we talked this morning.”  __

 

“Clarke, honey are you okay? I know this is a lot to take in.” her mother stops her before she has the chance to put on her shoes.

 

“I’m fine, really. I just know she’s going to start blowing up my phone if I don’t get there soon.” She says and feels bad about lying, but needs to clear her head and think before she says something she might regret. Her mother relents and she finishes getting ready to leave. “Set something up and I’ll be there.”

 

“If you’re sure.”

 

“100%” She nods.

 

“Okay. Wait what did you want to talk about?”

 

“Oh. it’s- it’s nothing really.” she waves off. “love you bye.” she says on her way out the door.

 

\-----

 

She knocks relentlessly on the door, her knuckles are probably going to bruise, but Octavia finally opens it.

 

“Done with your new friend?” She asks with a raised brow.

 

“My mom has a boyfriend.” She blurts out.

 

“I’m sorry what?” Octavia says moving out of the entryway to let Clarke in.

 

“My mom is seeing someone and wants me to meet him.”

 

“You’re kidding.”

 

“‘Cause that’s something I’d joke about.” she says and collapses on the bed they somehow walked to with a groan.

 

“Wow.”

 

“That’s a word for it.”

 

“I didn’t see that coming.” Octavia says laying down next to her.

 

“Join the club.”

 

“Huh.” a pause. “how do you feel about that?”

 

“I don’t know, how am I supposed to feel?” 

 

“You’re asking the wrong person. What’s his name?” Octavia questions.

 

“She never said and I didn’t ask. She’s been seeing him for months and didn’t tell me.” She says somewhat disbelief, still unsure of how she didn’t notice and why her mother kept it from her, even just the idea of dating again.

 

“She was probably nervous.” Octavia shrugs.

 

“To tell me?”

 

“No. well probably actually, but for a lot of reasons.”

 

“What do you mean?” she asks, sitting up on her elbows.

 

“I don’t know what went through her mind, but like she was probably nervous or something when she first met the guy because- well I don’t know the timeline of these things but 2 years can feel different to people and maybe she was scared to feel something towards someone again. And then obviously how you were going to take it. She probably just wanted to get a feel for it, see if she was ready before talking with you.”

 

“But she could have brought up the idea of it. It’s not like I expected her to be single for the rest of her life.”

 

“That’s still hard to talk about with the daughter you had with the person you thought you thought you’d spend your life with.” Octavia points out and Clarke groans and drops onto her back again. “How did you leave it?”

 

“I left before we could really talk about it. All I know is that at some point in the near future l’m going to meet him.”

 

“At least you’ll get a better feel for everything that way.”

 

“I guess.” She shrugs. “Is your mom still able to be here next weekend?”

 

“That’s the plan, but she might have to leave early Sunday. Bell made sure he took off work as well.”

 

“You really want to subject Lincoln to that?”

 

“Eh, if he wants to stick around might as well show him what that means.”

 

“Are you ready to show him what that means on the dance floor?” She asks with a grin.

 

“Is that even possible with the ‘respectable distance’ rule?”

 

“You can still get frisky in the middle.”

 

“Who even says that?”

 

“Um I just did?”

 

“Fine, you gonna get frisky in the middle with Monty?” Octavia teases.

 

“Oh gross. No thank you. Plus Harper would have my head.”

 

\-----

 

By the time Monday rolled around, Clarke had a constant chant going in her head so she didn’t forget about tutoring. As soon as Lexa had texted that the day change would work, she set five reminders in her phone. It’s not that she is  _ that  _ forgetful, it’s just that Clarke gets set in routine and if she didn’t remind herself over and over again, she probably would have driven home after school let out instead of walking over to the library. 

 

As much as the sessions are helping her class performance, they don’t get any easier in terms of learning the information. 

 

After trying -and failing- the same problem five times, Clarke drops her head on the textbook with a groan.

 

“What are you doing?”

“Hoping to learn through osmosis.” Comes her muffled response

 

“That’s so inaccurate it’s painful.” Lexa says and Clarke rolls her head to see the slightly appalled look.

“Some of the information could pass through, you never know”

 

“Even if that were possible, which it’s not I want to make sure you know that, it wouldn’t just happen from you smooshing your face in a book.”

 

“Say that again.”

 

“What?”

 

“Smooshing.”

 

“Seriously? Come on you were really close to getting it this time.” Lexa says, pulling the book out from under her and Clarke just lets her head fall to the table.

 

“I won’t get that many tries on an exam.”

 

“No, but you’ll only need one try if you know how to do it.”

 

“My midterm is next week, there’s no way I’ll be able to know everything.”

 

“Maybe not everything, but that shouldn’t stop you from trying. Besides, a lot of these you can work backwards from to figure out how to solve the problem.”

 

“So you say.”

 

“Clarke, we have twenty minutes left, let’s try to at least get through these last three problem set questions.” Lexa says slightly exasperated.

 

“Those are high expectations.” She says, but still sits up in the chair.

 

“Fine, two of them.” Lexa says sliding the sheet in front of her.

 

“Say it again and I’ll try all three.” She says with a grin

 

“No.”

 

“Oh come on.”

 

“No.” Lexa shakes her head.

 

“Please?”

 

“It’s not happening.”

 

“Lexa” she whines

 

“Clarke.”

 

“...”

 

With a heavy sigh “Smooshing.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is homecoming  
> *Also how do you feel toward significant portions of 'texting' in chapters?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so a few things-  
> The character introduced in this chapter is not how they are for the rest of the fic, remember this.  
> I cut this chapter down a lot because writing dancing is awkward so it's not my favorite but it's important because it sets up a few things  
> Next chapter will be posted on Friday- also seen from a new POV for some of it...
> 
> Thanks for all of your lovely comments.

The rest of the week leading up to the dance was uneventful, yet busy. Tuesday included tutoring and being dragged to the store for make-up. Wednesday, Clarke went to her first Quiz bowl meeting, introducing herself to the people she didn’t know - though two people weren’t there- and learning the question system. It was surprisingly more fun than she expected. That night she had to finish a midterm project and managed to get it done an hour before the deadline, a new record. Then Thursday she went to the fencing match and this time wasn’t shy about cheering for her friends. And Friday was more tutoring and the homecoming game which she begrudgingly went to- “to get in to the spirit” for the dance. Which wasn’t very fitting since their team lost.  

 

Now she was wearing her knee length dress, sitting what would be considered unlady-like across the armchair while fighting off a headache from having her hair pulled back too tightly. That or maybe from listening to her friends bicker about pictures, it could honestly be either. Plus they decided to eat first which was a massive mistake because who wants to get their picture taken when they feel bloated?

 

“I just don’t see why you guys need to have a couples picture! Can’t we just do group shots?” Jasper ask for probably the fifth time.

 

“We are doing group shots, but we want pictures of just the two of us too. Why are you being so whiny about it?” Nathan asks and Clarke can tell from his voice that he’s running out of patience. 

 

“I don’t have a date though.”

 

“You’ll still be in the other pictures. You and Zoe could take one together.” Bryan suggests.

 

“That would never happen.” Jasper denies immediately causing Zoe to scoff.

 

“Yeah, well neither would Clarke and Monty but they’re taking one.” Zoe says.

 

“Yeah but you could easily photoshop Harpers face on Clarke and not know the difference.” Jasper says crossing his arms.

 

“I’m pretty sure people could tell.” Octavia says.

 

“Maybe, but It’d be an upgrade, local sledding hill to mount everest.”

 

“Dude”

 

“Jasper what did we say about inappropriate comments?”

 

“It was a compliment!” He defends.

 

“In no way was that a compliment.” Octavia says shaking her head.

 

“Compliments don’t compare people Jas.” Monty adds.

 

“Guys can we save this for later and get the pictures done with so we can go?” Clarke says sensing this could easily veer into a teaching moment that would last far longer than they have. “And Jasper, I don’t want you so much as thinking about my boobs again.”

 

Abby comes back into the room with her camera and everything from that point on goes relatively smoothly. They all get together for group shots, a collection of composed smiles and random poses, and then take their individual date shots. Clarke admittedly feels slightly awkward when it’s her and Monty’s turn, not that they aren’t good friends or haven’t hugged or anything, but it’s a weird feeling having his arm around her waist.

 

By the time they get to the school, the music is already thumping loudly and there is a mass of students dancing as close as humanly possible- with chaperone interference of course. 

 

The group quickly turn in their coats, purses, and cell phones at the check in table, hands getting stamped by the corresponding numbers, and then make their way to the designated dance floor- which is just a section of the cafeteria cleared of tables. Clarke may not like school dances, but she does love to dance. 

 

They all lose themselves in semi uncoordinated movements and swaying, some limbs flailing while others move with a bit more grace. 

 

Clarke and Octavia are in the middle of their routine when she spots a familiar face a few groups over. Lexa, with her hair in an elegant updo and swirling dress and...and Clarkes not sure if she’s ever seen Lexa with more than a little mascara on, but wow. And she’s laughing and dancing and it makes Clarkes insides feel warm. 

 

Octavia and Monty literally pull her out of it as they make a small circle for an improv dance off. She stands slightly back, not paying attention to whatever friend is currently making a fool of themself, because she can’t help but look over at Lexa. God, why can’t she cant stop staring at Lexa? 

 

When a girl grabs Lexa’s hand prompting a twirl, Clarke smiles at the action and the happy look on Lexa’s face. That is until after the twirl is done and the girl doesn’t let go of Lexa. The girl, who Clarke guesses is Lina, moves Lexa’s hands to her hips and hers to Lexa’s shoulders and they start moving together to the beat of the music. 

 

It’s suddenly too hot in there and her stomach twists a little. Before she’s pulled into the center of the circle, she excuses herself. Making her way through the throng of sweaty high schoolers and toward the restroom. She runs cool water over her wrists and pats a little on the back of her neck, feeling an instant relief run through her. Bracing her hands on the sink she takes a moment to collect herself.

 

“Oh, would you look who it is.” She bristles at the new voice, so not wanting to deal with this right now but knowing her only exit is blocked by the newcomer.

 

“Raven.” She says curtly.

 

“Clarke.”

 

“Ruin anymore lives or relationships lately?” Raven asks sharply and Clarke never really new what the phrase glaring daggers meant until this moment.

 

“I’m not doing this with you again. Enjoy the dance.” She says and tries to move toward the door but Raven stops her.

 

“Hard to do when the person that should be here with me can’t because of you.” Raven accuses and Clarke takes a deep breath because the last thing she wants is for this to escalate.

 

“He made his own decisions.” She says calmly, something she’s said multiple times since last summer.

 

“He did it because of you, you ruined his life. You ruined my life!”

 

“I’m so done with this” She shakes her head and moves to leave again but is stopped by a hand around her arm.

 

“What can’t handle the truth?”

 

“I can, but apparently you can’t and I’m not going to stand here and let you belittle me for something I didn’t even do and yet still apologized for.” She says defensively ripping her arm free.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means your boyfriend is a grade A slime mold, who looks for any warm body to feed off of when you’re not around and has an over imaginative hero complex. You know this, everyone knows this and yet you continue to fall for his boyish charms instead of reality and the expulsion that was solely his doing” A new voice joins them. “Now if you are going to continue this...conversation, I suggest you take it elsewhere because your voices are starting to carry.” 

 

Raven huffs and looks like she wants to keep going, but a monitor comes in, oblivious to the tension in the room, and it’s enough to stop whatever this was from continuing. 

 

Clarke sighs and makes her leave, not wanting to stick around now that the exit was clear. Her knight in flowing fabric follows and at the end of the hall Clarke finally manages to find her voice.

 

“Wait Lexa.” She stops them. “Thank you.”

 

“I was merely trying not to have a scene erupt, I was at the drinking fountain when I heard her voice.” Lexa says, their gazes finally meet and Lexa’s make up really makes her eyes pop and it’s really distracting.

 

“Well, still thanks.” She says awkwardly. “Are you enjoying the dance?”

 

“I’m not typically one for dances, but it’s been fun. Are you having a good time?”

 

“Up until five minutes ago” She tries to joke. “No, it’s nice. I figured I might as well go to this stuff since it’s my last year you know?”

 

“My thought exactly, well my friends thoughts and they convinced me.”

 

“Sounds familiar.” She laughs and Lexa smiles slightly, but all of a sudden it drops and her jaw clenches slightly. Before Clarke can ask about it, Lexa is back to composed and nodding her head toward the dance floor.

“I believe your date is waiting for you.” Lexa says and Clarke follows her line of sight to where Monty is looking around seeming so much like a lost puppy. If only she didn’t promise to stay with him.

 

“Oh, yeah, gotta keep an on him, Harper would have my head if another girl got so much as 5 feet from him.” She jokes and Lexa’s brow furrows.

 

“Harper?” Lexa asks

 

“Monty’s girlfriend?”

 

“You’re date has a girlfriend” Lexa states.

 

“Yeah, she had a family thing and couldn’t come so I lucked out with him” She says in what she thinks is a kidding manner, but Lexa still doesn’t seem to catch on.

“I see.”

 

“Well, I won’t keep you from your date, thanks again for back there.” She gestures “Enjoy the rest of the dance.”

 

“You too.” Lexa nods and starts walking again.

“Oh and Lexa?” She says and waits for her to look at her, but also to build up courage. “You look really beautiful tonight.”

 

Lexa ducks her head and Clarke thinks she sees a faint blush and a not so faint smile and it make all of the nerves worth it.

 

“Thank you Clarke. You are quite captivating yourself.”

 

Her cheeks burn at the compliment and she hardly notices the torrent of butterflies swirling in her stomach as she tries to hide her face. She mutters a quick thank you and with less poise than she thinks she has, rushes back to her friends.

 

“Clarke, I’ve been looking for you!” Monty says worriedly.

 

“Yeah, you’ve been gone for twenty minutes we thought you might have gotten sucked into the toilet.”

 

“We didn’t think that, but we were starting to get worried.” Octavia says and then notices the red on her cheeks. “Oh my god were you with a guy? You were weren’t you!”

 

“I, what? No, I wasn’t with a guy!” She splutters and it really only adds more heat to her face.

 

“Then where were you?” Monty asks.

 

“I went to cool off and ran into Raven.” She says knowing that will completely drop the topic of her being with anyone.

 

“Where is she?” Octavia says already posturing.

 

“I don’t know, when I left she stayed in the bathroom. She’s probably not there anymore though.” She shrugs

 

“Well if she comes over here we’ve got your back.” Nathan says joining their little huddle.

 

“Um, Clarke” Monty says somewhat nervously. “There’s something I should probably tell you about her.”

 

“Can it wait? I just want the rest of the night to be fun and that means dancing until our feet hurt and then staying up way too late watching crappy movies while we all try to fit on the floor of my living room.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Monty sighs.

 

“Your mom bought the good snacks right?” Jasper asks.

 

“Has she ever bought bad ones?” She asks with a raised eyebrow.

 

“No, but you always have to make sure.” He says.

 

“Alright guys less talking more dancing!” Nathan claps and they let the music overcome them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this Raven bothers you, look at what I said at the beginning (also the dislike goes along with canon so)  
> Thanks for those who responded about the texting matter!
> 
> Also if you can put together what Monty needs to tell Clarke, you get all of the virtual cookies (the good kind).


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I didn't realize how long this was so I split it (shocking), but that just means there's a promising outlook for a sunday post which would actually be the mostly Clexa chapter.
> 
> This is a whole pile of random, really it's a bit different so I hope it's okay!
> 
> Also hope you enjoy the new perspective!

The thing about spending hours in a crowd of people, especially if those people are sweaty teenagers who probably don't all practice proper hygiene rituals, is that more than likely a few germs were spread around. At first, Clarke brushed off the feeling, thinking it exhaustion from dancing and lack of sleep, but as Monday morning rolled around her head felt like it was being constantly drilled by a jack hammer and a fire was started in her throat.

 

Despite that, she still ends up driving to school and sitting in a miserable state during first period, not retaining any information presented. By the time she gets to her calc class she can feel her body slowly shutting down.

 

“Are you feeling okay, Clarke?” She vaguely registers Mr. Jones voice and attempt to nod her head as speaking only makes her throat feel worse, but the slight motion causes a spike of pain to shoot through her head.

 

“Alright, let’s get you down to the nurse.” He says placing a hand on her shoulder to encourage her to turn around.

 

“Test” She manages to get out.

 

“You’re in no state to be here, let alone take an exam. You can take it when you’re well.”

 

Somehow they make it to the office and even though time feels like it’s moving at a snail's pace, suddenly a concerned Abby Griffin is cupping her face.

 

“Clarke, honey, look at me please.” Abby says softly and Clarke slowly lifts her head from a pillow that magically appeared beneath her. “Oh, honey why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?”

 

“Mm”

 

“Okay, let’s get you home.” Abby says, gently helping her sit up and waiting a few minutes before helping her stand. It’s a slow walk to the parking lot, but eventually Clarke finds herself being buckled into the passenger seat.

 

“M’car.” she mumbles

 

“I’ll come back for it later, right now we need to get some medicine in you and then you’re going to sleep.” Abby assures, pulling onto the main road.

 

“Mm” She rests her head on the window, closing her eyes as she gets a slight relief from the cold glass.

 

“Sweetie, you have to wake up for a second, I’m not as strong as I used to be and we have to get you inside.” She slowly blinks her eyes open, seeing that they made it home faster than usual as she just closed her eyes a second ago and now here they are. Clarke stumbles out of the car, leaning on her mom for support as they walk into the house.

 

Not having the energy to even think about using the stairs, she forgoes being comfortable in her bed in favor of collapsing on the couch.

 

“Are you sure you want to sleep there?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“Okay, well take this first and drink all of this.” Her mother prompts holding a few capsules and a glass of water out to her.

 

“Hurts.” she groans

 

“It will hurt less after you take it.” Abby says and Clarke begrudgingly tilts her head up enough to swallow the pills, wincing at the sting of her throat.

 

Who knows if she actually drank the rest of the water because that’s the last thing she remembers and there’s still a full cup on the coffee table when she wakes up later. Her headache has subsided a little but her throat still feels raw. She grabs her phone from where it must have fallen on the floor and if she didn’t feel like death she would have smiled at seeing texts from Lexa. She’s always the one initiating things so it’s safe to say her curiosity is peaked. That is until she opens the thread and if it were possible she feels worse than she did earlier.

 

 **Lexa (2:58):** I'm surprised you aren't camped out at the table like usual

 

 **Lexa (3:04):** Was there another change in schedule?

 

 **Lexa (3:11):** Clarke you know my policy

                  I can't change it because were friends

                  Although a friend would let the other know if they were going to be late

 

 **(3:20):** This is the second time

 

         **(4:17):** I’m no longer at the library and remaining sessions are discontinued.

 

Clarke hastily types out a message, feeling her heart rate pick up at the thought of Lexa thinking she stood her up.

 

 **Clarke (4:37):** I'm so sorry! I left school early and fell asleep as soon as I got home

 

 **(4:39):** also are you really still counting the time I was barely a minute late??

 

She tacks on the second message, because seriously that was a bit absurd. Her fingers tap against the screen as she waits for a response. If she thought time was moving slow earlier it’s nothing compared to now.  

 

 **Lexa (4:45):** Haven't you heard the phrase early is on time and on time is late?

 

She rolls her eyes which slightly aggravates her headache, but of course that’s Lexa’s motto .

 

 **Clarke (4:46):** do I get a sick excuse? I was kind of out of it before I passes out

 

 **Lexa (4:49):** You didn't tell me

                I waited for you

 

And she does feel bad about that, in any other circumstance she probably would have remembered, but cut her some slack. Was Lexa really going to hold it against her?

 

 **Clarke (4:50):** I'm sorry I fell asleep.well not really I obviously needed it but Im sorry I didn't text you that I was sick and wasnt going to be there

                Did I lose my tutor?

 

She bites her lip debating about sending the same message only about losing a friend but decided that would be a little too extra even for her. While she waits for the longest four minutes of her life to pass, she downs the water and the pills she noticed when she picked it up. She didn’t feel like she could eat anything, but knew she probably should, it’s just nothing seemed very appetizing. Her phone interrupts those thoughts and she anxiously opens the message.

 

 **Lexa (4:54):** No.

                   Just let me know when you are going to be back

 

         **(4:55):** Feel better

 

She smiles and sets her phone down after sending a quick “I will, thank you”.

 

“I know you won’t want anything solid to eat, so I made a smoothie as a compromise.” Abby says walking into the room with the drink in one hand and cough drops in the other.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“If you’re feeling up to it we can get you upstairs, but I understand if you want to stay here”

 

“Here’s good.” she rasps

 

“Alright, drink some of this before you fall asleep again okay?”

 

“okay, stay?”

 

Abby brushes some hair out of Clarkes face before lifting her legs to sit under them. “Of course, I’ll put on a movie.” And that’s how Clarke finds herself drifting off again a few minutes later, with her mothers fingers running through her hair and The Princess Diaries playing in the background.

 

\------

 

Free period is always the same for Lexa, while others consider it a social hour, she takes it seriously and either works on homework or reads ahead for her classes. That fact is why it’s a blessing and a curse that most of her friends are in the same room. For the most part they respect her drive and leave her to her work, but other times… Lexa thinks she needs to find new friends. One of those moments is right now as she feels her phone vibrate in her coat pocket. Her friends know she doesn’t like using her phone during school hours unless it’s an emergency, which it’s obviously not or they would have just come up to her, but sometimes they do it just to annoy her.

 

She debates ignoring it, but it’s probably better to put an end to it before it even starts. She pulls her phone out, unlocking it, and her eyes widen slightly at the name on the screen. She quickly looks around to make sure no one is paying attention to her before opening the message.

 

 **Clarke:** Lexa

 

Well that’s vague. That could start a plethora of conversations. Also no punctuation, it’s not a question or an exclamation, does it warrant a response and if so what kind?

 

 **Lexa:** Yes, Clarke?

 

 **Clarke:** i have a very important question for you.

 

Her heart rate picks up after reading that. What could that possibly be about? They agreed that tutoring would continue and Lexa doesn’t remember having any conversation that would lead to a text like that. Unless. Maybe it’s about- no, no she’s not even going to go there.

 

 **Lexa:** Okay

 

And of course it’s not a swift reply after that and Clarke leaves her on the metaphorical edge of her seat- it would never be literally, good posture and back support are important.

 

 **Clarke** : Which came first the chicken or the egg

 

Her brow furrows and she feels a small frown pulling at her mouth. That’s it?

 

 **Lexa** : Is that seriously still a thing?

 

 **Clarke** : I mean I am asking you so yes

 

 **Lexa:** That's ridiculous

 

“Who are you texting?” Anya queries.

 

“No one.” She says as indifferently as possible, setting her phone down in her lap so the vibration doesn’t draw attention and picking up the forgotten worksheet.

 

“Someone and obviously someone important if you’re breaking your ‘no texting during class even free period rule’”

 

“I text during class occasionally.” she justifies

 

“Yeah, when Henry tells you if he’s working late or not or if someone needs a tampon.” Anya points out.

 

“That still counts as texting.” She says and shifts a little to cover the incoming notification.

 

“What don’t you want me to know?” Anya asks

 

“It’s nothing, really.” Lexa says

 

“It’s Clarke isn’t it?”

 

Lexa considers lying or deflecting but knows that will only prolong the conversation.

 

“Yes, but only because she’s probably bored at home.” She rationalizes and opens the message.

 

 **Clarke:** It's just a funny question

 

 **Lexa:** It's dumb

 

 **Clarke:** If you don't want to answer...

 

Lexa sighs, it’s such an overused bit, but at the same time she doesn’t want _this_ conversation to be over.

 

 **Lexa:** the egg came first.

 

 **Clarke** : Why?

 

“So you’re fine with her after yesterday?”

 

“It’s not like I can be upset, I heard how sick she was. It’s understandable that she didn’t tell me.” In fact she actually felt bad about it. She didn’t give Clarke the benefit of the doubt and let her uncalled for feelings and anticipation for seeing her get the better of her.

 

“So are you going to tell her, now that you know she doesn’t have a boyfriend?”

 

“You don’t know that for sure.” Lexa says. "And even if that were true she's straight."

 

“You are talking about Clarke, yes?” A voice comes from behind, the accent giving her identity away and Lexa looks over as Lina slides into the seat next to her. “You like her, no?”

 

“We are not talking about this.” Lexa shakes her head and looks back to the unanswered message, debating her response. She probably puts a little too much thought into her answer, but hopes Clarke will appreciate it.

 

 **Lexa:** In more sense than one its the obvious answer, the line doesn't specify its a chicken egg and could mean eggs in general which have been dated back to around 600 million years ago. If they actually specified it would still be the egg because two other species mated and created the chicken so that egg would have been the first chicken

 

 **Clarke** : Um…

 

 **Lexa:** satisfied?

 

 **Clarke:** yeah thanks. You got really into that

            Did you, like, Google that or something?

 

 **Lexa:** It can all be inferred

 

 **Clarke:** huh

 

 **Lexa:** Why was that important question on your mind

 

“Lexa.” Anya says accompanied by a slightly rough foot nudge.

 

“We’re not talking about it.” She denies.

 

“I may believe that Clarke is very much single.” Lina adds. “Her friends are very loud.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me that when we talked about it this weekend fraulein?” Anya questions the exchange student.

 

“You did not tell me you wished to know this information.” Lina shrugs.

 

“I do not appreciate you talking about me or this topic in general, but especially with each other” Lexa says seriously.

 

 **Clarke:** I’ve already taken all buzzfeed quizzes known to mankind and know what type of lizard I am, five different “real” ages, patronus’, personalities, when I’ll get married, where I should live, how many kids I’ll have, what show I should watch, so many things.

         oh and what kind of potato I am. Do you know? What kind of potato would you be Lexa?

 

 **Lexa:** Potato?

 

This is the most bizarre conversation she’s ever had and yet somehow it’s endearing. Clarke texted her. Clarke wanted to talk to her. Clarke wants- no, stop, she’s just bored don’t go there.

 

 **Clarke** : what type

 

 **Lexa** : you mean like idaho or russet?

 

 **Clarke:** lol no though I think there’s one for that too. like mashed, fried… I got potato salad so I’m taking it again because I don’t agree

 

 **Lexa:** How am I supposed to know?

 

 **Clarke:** just a feeling, trust your instinct

 

“What kind of potatoes do you like?” Lexa asks without looking up.

 

“Excuse you?”

 

“Please don’t make me repeat that.”

 

“Then why are you asking?” Anya asks

 

“Are you hungry Lexa? I have some trail mix in my sack, no potatoes.” Lina offers.

 

“I’m alright, thank you though Lina. I was asking for a kind or potato dish for another reason.”

 

“Mm bratkartoffeln is my favorite potato or potato salad.” Lina hums

 

“Just say scalloped.” Anya adds.

 

 **Lexa:** scalloped

 

“What is she doing to you?”

 

“Nothing”

 

 **Clarke** : interesting, is it okay if i pretend to be you for the rest of the quizzes

 

 **Lexa:** sure, just don’t sign me up for anything

 

She cringes after hitting send, humor for her is hard enough in person, attempting it over an interface is her downfall.

 

 **Clarke** : oh... so you don’t want the 10 year subscription to Sheep! magazine?

 

 **Lexa:** Is that really a thing?

 

 **Clarke:** Apparently. Don’t goodle weird magazines, i didnt realize what I was geting into

 

 **Lexa** : thanks for the advice

 

“You’re even stiff when texting her jeez”

 

“I am not and mind your own business.”

 

“You honestly wouldn’t be able to tell you have a massive crush on the girl based on how you interact with her, well your eyes betray you, but for the amount of time she spends staring at you during bouts I’d say it balances out.”

 

Lina nods along, “Yes, she draws you a lot as well”

 

“What?” Lexa looks up to see if she missed the joke. Clarke stares at her? It's probably in the professional or friendly way, Lexa would be competing after all, but Clarke draws her?

 

“They are very nice. I believe she likes your eyes the most, I have been seeing her draw those more.”

 

 **Clarke:** actually, do you play words with friends?

 

She wants to ask about these so called drawings, she really does, but at the same time that thought both thrills and terrifies her.

 

 **Lexa:** no, I do not

 

 **Clarke:** will you?

           Because I need more things to do when I’m not sleeping and I also need to redeem myself

           Although my brain isn’t at full capacity

 

Lexa opens the app store and downloads the game. Ignoring the look Anya gives her, because yes she knows her phone lacks all things social and fun, but whatever.

 

 **Lexa:** Okay I have it, user woods.lexa

 

 **Clarke:** Yes! Lol how original

 

“Lexa, it is time to leave.” Lina says.

 

“What?” She looks at the time and sure enough free period is over… and for the first time she did not finish a single assignment. “Oh” she quickly packs her bag and walks out of the room and toward her next class.

 

When she sits down she checks her phone and sees multiple notifications from the new app.

 

 **Lexa:** four games seems a little excessive

 

 **Clarke:** I’m bored lexa! I don't feel up to moving and I can only sleep and watch tv for so long

 

 **Lexa:** well, I have to go pay attention to my classes now, I’ll try to play during lunch to quell some of your boredom

 

 **Clarke** : oh right, have fun

 

 **Lexa** : you too. Feel better and if you run out of things to do, perhaps study a dictionary, you might actually win.

 

Lexa knows she probably has a smug look on her face, but she's proud of that line and can only imagine the look on Clarkes face when she reads it. She quickly mutes her phone and tucks it in her backpack so it won't be a distraction- or well less of one if she can't reach it- and pulls out her notebook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I appreciate all of your comments, they really do motivate me to write more
> 
> Clexa interact in person next time! Well and text again


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't have power for most of the day so that delayed posting a bit, but it's still Sunday here!
> 
> nothing significant happens (yet (end notes are fun)), but they get closer

**Lexa:** And you accused me of cheating!

         I would never have accepted if I knew you weren’t going to play fair

 

Her eyes roll at the message, she had been waiting for something along those lines to come since yesterday. Clarke’s actually surprised it took Lexa that long to break. 

 

**Clarke** : I’m not cheating, i’m playing the game!

 

She continues getting her stuff together as she waits for a response. As much as she knows she needed to stay home the past two days, Clarke doesn’t want to get too far behind. The more work that piles up, the more overwhelmed and less motivated she gets. So, she decided to go in after lunch to collect her work and attend the remaining classes.

 

**Lexa** : half of your words aren’t real! Chimnal? Planch? Rowth? Tav?

 

**Clarke** : they were accepted weren’t they??

 

**Lexa** : only because this game has ludicrous principle

 

**Clarke** : don’t be salty just because you lost

 

**Lexa** : I wouldn’t have lost if you played fairly

 

She’s never seen it before and honestly it’s probably not happening, but Clarke can imagine a pout on Lexa’s face and she lives to see that in reality one day. Lexa’s lips just seem like they would form the perfect pout.

 

**Clarke** : all of my words are valid in the game… all is fair in words with friends

 

**Lexa** : No, I don’t accept that.

 

**Clarke** : and yet you keep playing… :D

 

**Lexa** : I can stop

 

**Clarke** : NO!

            I’ll play real words

 

**Lexa** : as happy as I am that you admit that, the game accepts it. I’ll just have to stop going easy on you. Your fake words won’t stand a chance.

 

Clarke smiles at that, Lexa has definitely become more playful, at least competitively, with her lately and she hopes the brunette continues to feel more comfortable around her.

 

**Clarke** : Oh I’d like to see you try!

           On another completely unrelated note, are you free after school?

 

**Lexa** : today?

 

She rolls her eyes, when else.

 

**Clarke** : yes today

 

**Lexa** : yes

        Why?

 

**Clarke** : I’m coming in for a half day because I don’t want to miss anymore and was hoping we could go over my midterm review again

          I’m not contagious

          My moms a doctor, she would know

 

She probably didn’t need to add that, but doesn’t want Lexa to be grossed out or worried about catching anything. Clarke looks at the time and quickly fills her water bottle, slides it into her bag along with a pack of tissues and a few cough drops and then puts her coat on.

**Lexa** : We can do that, 3 at the library?

 

**Clarke** : Actually...do you think maybe we could study at my house? It’s just more comfortable 

            Unless you’re not comfortable with that, then the library’s fine

 

**Lexa** : That’s fine

         Going to your house that is

 

**Clarke** : Awesome, thank you! I just have to tell the qb team I won’t be there and then I can drive us

 

**Lexa** : okay, I’ll wait by the east entrance 

 

**Clarke** : see you then!

 

\------

 

Clarke may have thought her energy was back, but there’s a big difference between walking from the couch to her room or the bathroom and walking around a school, that seems to have expanded in her absence, with a heavy backpack. By the time she’s talked to all of her teachers and sat through the remaining three classes, she’s seriously questioning her decision making abilities and everything is starting to look like a bed. 

 

Only one thing stands between her and her cozy blanket, the staircase leading up to the class room where quizbowl meets. Okay so maybe it’s two things since once she makes it up, she’ll still have to go talk to them before she can go. Technically it could be considered three things since after that she still has studying with Lexa, but Clarke is pretty sure Lexa won’t mind if she makes herself comfortable or at least Clarke isn’t going to let it stop her.

 

With her remaining energy store, Clarke climbs the steps, only becoming slightly winded at the top, and walks toward room 203. Certainly not expecting the greeting she receives when she enters.

 

“What are you doing here?” There has to be some sort of candid camera on her, because this can’t be happening. Clarke doesn’t spare Raven a glance, instead walking toward Patrick, the team leader.

 

He speaks up when the question hangs over them. “She’s part of the team now.” 

 

“Youve got to be kidding me. You let her join?”

 

“She’s proved to be a great asset so far.” He says, unclear as to why there’s an issue. 

 

“Whatever just don’t put us in one on ones together.” Raven huffs, taking her seat at the table.

 

“Don’t worry you’ll have time to get over yourself,” She says flatly to Raven before turning to the rest of the group “I’m only here to let you know I can’t stay today, I have a lot of make up work to do and I’m still not 100%. I’ll be here next week though.”

 

“Monty told us you were sick as well, we figured you wouldn’t be here either” Patrick shrugs “you can take a copy of today’s quiz cards if you want.” He moves to the table to pick up a packet of paper and brings it over to her.

 

“Thanks, I’ll look it over.” She says awkwardly, the tension in the room more than obvious.

 

“Sure thing, feel better.”

 

“Thanks.” She offers him an apologetic smile and quickly makes her leave.

 

Any remaining tension she had dissipated as soon as she saw Lexa sitting on the bench by the doors with a book held up in front of her face. She shakes her head slightly to fight off a smile.

 

“Lexa,” she greets catching the girls attention.

 

“Clarke, hi,” Lexa stands, tucking her book away. “Are you feeling better?”

 

“Not as good as this morning, but definitely overall. Ready to go?” She asks.

 

“Yes, though if you’re not up to it anymore that’s fine.” Lexa says as they start walking through the parking lot.

 

“I wish it was that easy, but I kind of told Mr Jones I could take the midterm on Friday.”

 

“He didn’t offer for you to take it Monday?” Lexa says in surprise.

 

“Oh, no, he did.”

 

“Then why…?”

 

“Because I like to torture myself,” she laughs “No, because I knew I would think that would give me more time to study, but then I wouldn’t actually end up using it and I would know less than I do now.” She explains and unlocks her car as they approach.

 

“I guess you know what works best for you.” Lexa says as they fit her bike in the back.

 

****

 

She’s been in Clarke’s car before, somehow multiple times, and yet it feels different. More awkward. Though apparently it’s just her feeling that because Clarke doesn’t seem fazed as she hums along to the radio, tapping the wheel, while waiting for the light to change.

 

“Anything interesting happening in your classes?” Clarke asks and Lexa, well she doesn’t panic because that’s not something she does, but she does cycle through everything she’s been doing in the past couple of weeks to figure out what to say. She finds a lot of it interesting, but that doesn’t mean that other people do, that Clarke will.

 

“Well, in AP environmental we started working on our final project and part of mine covers ergot, which they now believe is what caused the hysteria that lead to the Salem witch trials.” She says confident in her choice because who doesn’t like talking about that bizarre point in history?

 

“I’m sorry what? What the heck is ergot?” 

 

“It’s a fungal disease that contaminates grains.” She says and starts to second guess her topic, because who really wants to talk about fungi?

 

“And that caused people to think their neighbors were practicing witch craft?” Clarke spares her a quick glance as if to check if she were joking.

 

“Yes, it’s a hallucinogenic, so basically people were high and accusing each other of spell casting.” 

 

“You’re kidding.”

 

“Well, a lot of it is speculation, but the descriptions match what is now know to be side effects of eating ergot contaminated grain products.”

 

“That’s insane.” Clarke says after a few moments. “That’s  _ insane.”  _ she says again and Lexa gives herself a mental pat on the back. “So how does that relate to your project?”

 

“Oh, well, my main focus is on conditions ideal for the spread of dormant or not as prominent parasitic fungi and disease especially related to future outputs from changing climate.” Lexa says trying to underplay her enthusiasm over her choice of study.

 

“Well, we’re all doomed if that comes back. Though maybe it’ll mellow everyone out this time.” Clarke jokes, pulling the car into the driveway. “That’s an interesting study, but I feel like it could be really depressing.”

 

“Perhaps, but it will also tell me what regions to avoid.” She says, stepping out of the car and following Clarke inside.

 

“Do you want anything to eat or drink?” Clarke asks

 

“I’m fine, thank you.”   
  


“Okay, should we get started then?”

 

“Whenever you’re ready.”  Lexa nods.

 

“Alright, let’s go up to my room.” Clarke says and turns down the hall. It takes Lexa a moment to follow her though, she had been expecting to work at the table again, not Clarke's bedroom. It makes sense, Clarke didn’t want to work at the library because of comfort and that would have been a table, so of course she wouldn’t want to work at just a different table at home.

 

She shakes her head and makes her way towards Clarke’s room. A thought crosses her mind briefly, that if Clarke actually  _ did  _ draw her, the drawings would likely be kept in her room and if they were, maybe they would be somewhere that Lexa could just stumble across. Accidentally knock something off the desk, place her folders on top and pick them up all together, offer to put Clarke’s things away- okay she’s getting away from herself and that was definitely more than a brief thought.

 

Clarke is already sitting on her bed, leaning against the wall, wrapped in a blanket when Lexa walks in. Way more than brief thoughts. 

 

“Are you sure you’re up for studying?” She checks again.

 

“Yeah, just wanted to get cozy, hope that’s okay.”

 

It’s more than okay, at the moment only Clarke's face is visible and her cheeks are still slightly flushed from her fever. If Lexa was one for sappy thoughts she’d swear the redness makes Clarke's eyes bluer and more captivating, but she’s not and she’s good at ignoring the little flutter she feels at the other girls cute nature.

 

“Whatever you need.” She says instead.

 

Lexa’s surprised by how focused Clarke stays throughout the entire time they review. Usually she has a timer going in her head for the next groan or insistence in taking a break or the ‘I’m never going to be able to remember everything’. Not one of those happen, just a few sniffles or coughs here and there which should absolutely not be considered adorable and yet, Lexa finds herself endeared by them. By the time they call it quits, Clarke's eyes are looking slightly more droopy than before and her body is a bit more hunched in her blanket.

 

“Have a game of scrabble in you?” Clarke asks.

 

“I don’t think you do. It looks like you’re slowly melting into your bed.”

 

“Yea, feels like it too. I’ve probably kept you too long any way, you must have other things to do.”

 

Lexa shakes her head “Not really, I do my home work in free period and everything else isn’t due for a couple weeks.” She slowly packs up her things, not wanting to leave yet and Clarke did make it seem like she didn’t want that either, but she doesn’t want to impose.

 

“Do you maybe want to stay a bit then? Watch a show or something.” 

 

“Yeah that would be nice.”

 

And that’s how she finds herself no more than ten minutes later trying not to move as Clarke’s head rests on her shoulder after she fell asleep to Person of Interest. She definitely is not enjoying this and she  _ definitely  _ didn’t act like a creep and smell Clarke's hair, it just happened to be under her nose when she shifted her head slightly. The sketch book will have to wait for another time, but Lexa supposes she can settle for this instead.  

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: Fencing and Clarke sits with someone new + more hanging out ( and significance happens...)
> 
> I don't know when I'll post it, I'm hoping for next weekend, but it's the last two weeks of my final semester so things are busy :/


	16. Chapter 16

Lexa is  in the middle of  doing a few warm up lunges when Anya settles in next to her , quickly copying her routine.

 

“Ready?” Anya asks after a few minutes

 

“Always am.” she replies with her exhale

 

“They’re our toughest competition yet.” Anya points out as if she didn’t know, like she hasn’t been following every teams progress and watching any available clips.

 

“Doesn’t mean I’m going to prepare any differently.” She shrugs before moving on to the next exercise. “I’m not going to let it get to my head and neither should you.”

 

“Yeah, well not all of us have a clean sweep this year,” Anya says nudging her slightly to throw her balance, but Lexa quickly adjusts with an annoyed huff.

 

“You’re a good competitor, you’ve still won yours bouts even after letting a few touches through, and you’ll still rank high in finals.” Lexa assures.

 

“Maybe I should find myself a little sideline motivator like you did.” Anya teases and Lexa clenches her jaw slightly, not wanting to talk about Clarke or think about Clarke, because she needs to focus.

 

“She’s here for Octavia.” She says even though part of her hopes that’s only partially true.

 

“I didn’t even say who I was talking about, could’ve been anyone really.”

 

“For the amount of times you bring her up, I know you’re talking about Clarke.” Lexa says and glances over to where said blonde is currently sitting. To make it worse there’s a sketchpad in her lap and now that Lexa knows that there’s a good chance she’s in it, all she wants to do is go over and find out. 

 

“You have to admit, you’ve been showing off a bit. Plus even for you and your love of drawing things out, you’ve been scoring faster.” Had she? She hadn’t really been paying attention to her times, just her placements and those of her opponents. Even if she had that didn’t mean it had anything to do with Clarke, although it did feel good that she was showing her best work.

 

“I’m enjoying the sport more.”

 

“Sure. Well on the bright side we might learn if she likes you or not today.” Anya says and Lexa looks at her with slightly narrowed eyes. What does that mean?

 

“What did you do.” she accuses

 

Anya holds up her hands “ _ I  _ didn’t do anything.” She says and nods toward the bleachers. Lexa follows the movement and doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary. She’s just about to ask Anya if this was some sort of joke when she sees Lina making her way over to Clarke.  _ No no no no no no  _ this isn’t happening.

 

******

 

Even though she has a lot of make up work to do, Clarke still wanted to go to the fencing competition and so she made sure to get most of assignments that were due Friday done in free period. She made it to the gym early and took her usual spot toward the front of the bleechers and instead of being productive she was currently adding some finishing touches on one of her sketches. As she blends the shading together she feels a vibration on the bench and reaches down for her phone.

 

**Unknown:** Hey Clarke, this is Patrick from qb, forgot to tell you we’re having a mock tournament this Sat at the library. meeting room two at 3. Hope to see you there.

 

She’s typing out her response when she notices out of her periphery that someone is standing oddly close to her given the plethora of open seats.

 

“Clarke, yes?” She looks up at the person who somehow new her name and is met by the girl she saw dancing with Lexa at homecoming. 

 

“Uh, yes?” She replies dumbly, setting her phone down and shutting her sketch book to stand because it feels awkward to crane her neck to talk to this - Lina- to talk to Lina.

 

“My name is Lina.” The girl says and Clarke holds in her snarky  _ I know. _

 

“Nice to meet you.” She comes up with because she’s honestly just confused as to why she was approached by this girl in the first place.

 

“It is very nice,” Lina nods, “May I sit here with you?” 

 

_ Why  _ she wants to ask but settles for a polite “Of course” and sits back down soon joined by Lina who sits a little too close for comfort.

 

“Do you like this sport?” Lina asks and okay, they’re really going to do the whole talking thing. That really shouldn’t annoy her as much as it is, if it were anyone else Clarke would be the one starting random conversation. What makes Lina different?

 

“The more I learn about it, the more interesting I find it.” She says.

 

“It is a small amount of home for me because it is very popular at my school and all of my friends participate, I like it better than what you may call football, but I have been finding myself interested in other sports here.” Lina divulges and Clarke isn’t sure how to respond to that share of information. “Do you participate in sports?”

 

“Um no, I’m better at watching.”

 

“It is nice that you come here. Is that for when you are boring?” Lina asks pointing to the forgotten sketch book.

 

“I’m not boring” she says defensively, she’s anything but boring. The opposite in fact..

 

“What do you do when you are?” Lina pries unfazed by Clarke’s attitude.

 

“When I’m what?”

 

“Boring.”

 

“I just said I’m not boring.” She says trying to stay calm

 

“Never? When I am, I like to write or play with Anya’s dog or if it is a good time I will call my mother.” Lina supplies and suddenly Clarke feels slightly ashamed of her demeanor because she knows it’s hard and she used to be a part of the program as a conversationalist before she fell into her own pit of despair.

 

“I’m not boring, but when I’m  _ bored  _ I do like to draw or hang out with friends, maybe watch TV, but I don’t get bored here I just also like to draw when I’m inspired.” She says and watches as Lina processes.

 

“I find some English verbs to be difficult, I asked Echo if she was scary when I should have asked if she was scared and people laughed. It is difficult to not say what I would like to say because I do not know the words” Lina muses and Clarke suppresses a smile. “You have been inspired here?” Lina continues and Clarke pauses.

 

“Yes, my friends are a good inspiration.” 

 

“May I see?” And Clarke could very well say no, that they are private or that they aren’t finished and she’s a perfectionist, but for some reason she finds herself handing over the pad.

 

Lina delicately flips through the pages and Clarke realizes after the tenth page how much she actually draws Lexa and little else when she’s here. Sure there are other sketches from other things, but everything from fencing is Lexa save for one drawing she did of Octavia.

 

“She is very beautiful, no?” Lina asks after stopping on the last page, a profile of Lexa’s face.

 

“Uh, yeah, she is,” she says after clearing her throat, and her heart beats a little faster, probably because she’s talking to Lexa’s could’ve been girlfriend and doesn’t know how this conversation is going to go.

 

“You picture her well.”

 

“Thanks. She makes it easy.” she says, taking the pad back and setting it down beside her. “Good bone structure and all” 

 

“I am sure that is it.” Lina says, but there is something to her tone that Clarke can’t quite make out. “Thank you for sharing with me.”

 

Clarke nods “Sure.”

 

“Would you show her?” Lina asks and Clarke freezes. What would Lexa think of her drawing her all the time? She doesn’t want to scare the other girl off by coming off as a creep, Clarke just really likes to draw and Lexa just happens to be what her focus is at the moment, nothing more.

 

“Uh, maybe someday, but I think I’ll wait.” She says and hopes Lina doesn’t go off and tell Lexa she has a whole notebook filled with drawings of her, at least she only knows about the one.

 

Lina gives her a smile that Clarke feels has more meaning behind it “I think she would like that very much.” Lina says and Clarke feels like that’s the end of their talk and when she turns forward she’s surprised to see that the first four bouts have already happened. They sit the rest of the competition out in silence, except for the few times Lina explains a rule or move made by a player. Clarke is almost mad at herself for liking Lina, but she can’t help it when the girl is so nice.

 

Of course Lexa wins her bouts (so does Octavia) and when Anya and Lexa walk over to them once it’s over, Clarke doesn’t miss the strange look Lexa gives Lina.

 

“You two have fun?” Anya asks.

 

“Yes,” Lina responds, “We can sit with together now. It is better to have each other as company and we did the bonding like you said Anya. You and I are friends now, yes?” she asks and all Clarke can do is nod. “I know more than Clarke about fencing and she showed me her drawings.” Lina says catching both Anya and Lexa’s attention, while Clarke can only hope the topic of her sketches will not come up or she’ll probably melt into the floor.

 

“Oh really?” Anya asks before saying something in German causing Lina’s eyes to light up and she responds quickly.

 

“We should as you would say ‘hang out’ and not be boring together” Lina says to Clarke with a wink completely throwing her off.

 

“I think you mean bored” Lexa says eyes moving between, her, Lina, and Anya as if trying to fit together a puzzle.

 

“Clarke knows what I mean. I am living with Anya and do not know how to drive here, but I do not mind walking. We could have a “girls” night or a party, throw the house out the window” Lina says and Clarke has no idea how it jumped to this, how their minimal conversation turned them into best friends or what that means or why Lexa’s eyes widened. 

 

“Clarke!” Octavia calls from across the gym “Let’s go!”

 

“I better-” she points behind her “- it was nice sitting with you Lina, we’ll talk more about possibly hanging out another time. Anya, Lexa, congrats on your wins.” She says and turns to leave.

 

“Good luck on your exam tomorrow.” Lexa calls after her causing her to turn around “Oh, yours or the library?.”

 

“thank you, mine? I’ll see you after school same place?.” Lexa nods with a smile that Clarke returns before making her way across the gym.

 

\------

Lexa is leaning against the wall already waiting for her by the time Clarke gets to the east entrance after school on Friday. 

 

“Hey, you.” She greets with a smile and Lexa stands and matches her pace as they exit the building.

 

“How’d the test go?”

 

“I think it went well.” She admits “Number 12 from the study guide was on there, with different numbers obviously, but we worked on that a lot and I feel like I got it.”

 

“That’s great Clarke” Lexa says sincerely. “I’m sure you did, you studied hard, so I’m sure you got the others too.”

 

“I don’t know about that, but thanks.” She smiles. “So I have to admit something. I really don’t feel like studying, after having that exam and doing nothing but homework for the past two days, my brain is kind of fried.” She lets out a small laugh and looks over at Lexa. She see a look of what seems like disappointment quickly pass over the brunettes face before it’s gone and Lexa’s nodding.

 

“Oh, that’s fine. I’ll see you Monday then?”

 

“What? I mean yeah, but if you don’t have anything else to do, did you want to hang out for a little?” She asks and her stomach swoops at the small smile she receives.

 

“Yeah, okay.” Lexa nods.

 

They fit Lexa’s bike in the car and then are off to Clarke’s house. It’s a quiet ride, but one of those nice, comfortable quiets, with only the radio on low breaking it up. Once they arrive and remove the bike before Clarke pulls in the garage- they finally learned that would make it less of a hassle than removing it once in the confined space- Clarke grabs a few snacks and brings them into the family room.

 

“I have a game I’ve been wanting to play with you, but I didn’t want you to think it was a dumb idea.” She admits

 

“Clarke, I’d never say that” Lexa assures, “I might think it, but you’d never know.”

 

“Hey!” She pushes Lexa’s shoulder which only elicits a grin.

 

“No, but really, I won’t think it’s dumb and I’ll try anything once. Within reason.” 

 

“Okay.” She says and begins setting up the wii. “I figured since you’re so good with a sword, sorry epee, that we could test your dueling abilities.” She explains handing over a remote.

 

“I have a feeling this is going to be quite different and not an actual representation of my skill.” Lexa says, examining the device in her hand.

 

“Well, that just gives me more opportunity to win!” She jokes and selects the game and picks her mii. “Oh we should make you a mii!”

 

“I think I’m fine how I am.”

 

“No, a mii, a wii character.” She laughs

 

“Oh, I can just pick one of those.” Lexa says scrolling through the default ones.

 

“Fine, I’ll make you one later, but that just means you have no say in what you look like.”

 

“Oh I’m shaking.” Lexa deadpans and Clarke sticks her tongue out at her.

 

“You’ll regret that.” She warns and Lexa laughs. “Let’s just start.” 

 

Clarke wins the first round rather quickly with her frantic arm waving, but once Lexa realized that it’s not about actual technique, she takes the second round.

 

“Oh it’s on.” Clarke taunts, gripping the remote tighter.

 

The countdown begins and it’s almost like you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. When it starts, both of them are violently moving their arms up and down, slowly inching closer and closer to the TV. Their mii’s go back and forth, alternating who is on the verge of falling off the platform.

 

“Just give up.” She grits out and changes her arm movement hoping for an advantage. 

 

“Never.” Lexa ups her attack.

 

The time runs out and they go into the sudden death round, at this point Clarke’s arms are getting tired, but she refuses to lose. 

 

It happens so quickly, Clarke almost misses it. There’s a sudden clatter to her right that startles her out of her competitive haze. She glances over at Lexa and notices her now empty hand and surprised expression. Before she laughs or does anything to help, she waves her arms three more times, knocking Lexa’s mii into the water.

 

“Yes!” she cheers throwing her arms up in the air.

 

“Hey! I didn’t even have the chance to fight back”

 

“Not my fault you lost your remote. Wrist straps for the win!” She shouts, doing a little victory dance.

 

“You didn’t tell me I had to put that on.” 

 

“Hey it’s a personal choice.” Clarke says with a grin and she was so right the other day about Lexa’s pout. 

 

“Sure, even though you know I’ve never played and wouldn’t know that.” Lexa says and Clarke is pretty sure that’s sarcasm. “We’re going to play again later, and we’ll see if you can win without that advantage.”

 

“Bring it on.”

 

“First I need water and my arms need a break.” Lexa says opening and closing her hand and rolling her shoulders.

 

“Oh thank god, my arms are killing me.” Clarke admits, she walks into the kitchen and fills two glasses of water, bringing them back and handing one to Lexa before she sinks to the ground, resting her back against the couch.

 

“There’s a perfectly good piece of furniture to sit on you know,” Lexa says, joining her.

 

“This is more fun.”

Her phone chimes and she awkwardly maneuvers to get it out of her pocket. Her pulse quickens at the notification.

 

“Oh god, he already has my grade posted.” She groans.

 

“I thought you said it went well, why do you sound like that?”

 

“I did, it did, I think, but that’s usually when I don’t do well. It covered the whole semester so far that’s a lot to remember!” 

 

“You studied hard for it and you’ve improved a lot since we started.” Lexa points out.

 

“Ugh I just want to pass-” She throws her arm over her head “-I don’t want to look.”

 

“Then don’t.”

 

“But I want to know!”

 

“Then look?”

 

She shakes her head “I can’t”

 

“Seems like you’re stuck then.”

 

“Could you look?” She turns her head and gives her best puppy dog eyes.

 

“No” Lexa denies immediately.

 

“Why?” She whines.

 

“Because that has all of your grades on it.”

 

“I’m giving you permission, though.” She says and wiggles her phone in front of Lexa.

 

“Why?”

 

“Please”

 

Lexa sighs. “Fine hand it over” she types in her login in information and gives Lexa her phone before closing her eyes.

 

“Let me down easy, okay?”

 

“What would you be happy with?” Lexa asks

 

“I’m just hoping for something above a 75 at this point.”

 

“Well..” Lexa says and goad why is it so hard to read her tone

 

“Oh god it’s bad-,”

 

“-You scored a 89-”

 

“-all of my dreams” Wait. she shoots up “wait what did you say?”

 

“-You got an A minus” Lexa says with a genuine smile showing her the screen.

 

“I did?” She asks in disbelief and leans in closer.

 

“You did, congratulations, Clarke” 

 

“Oh my god!” She exclaims, elation and relief coursing through her. “I did it! Thank you thank you thank you, you’re the best” she rushes out in excitement and pulls Lexa into a bone crushing hug, moving side to side, only slightly awkward in their seated positions. 

 

“It was all you” Lexa says sincerely returning the embrace with a little less of a vice grip than Clarke, but still with enough pressure that Clarke doesn’t want to let go. It feels nice and Clarke tells herself they need to hug more.

 

But she eventually slowly releases her hold, leaving them a lot closer than before and something shifts around them as her eyes flick between Lexa’s watching the brunettes gaze drop to her lips and Clarke feels another swoop in her stomach and her heart starts beating faster. And then Lexa is leaning forward, and Clarke watches it happen and pretty sure she’s stopped breathing. 

 

Soft lips are one hers and her eyes flutter closed. Lexa’s lips move slightly, but Clarke is frozen because this is only her second kiss and it’s the first time she’s kissed a girl and she’s never thought about kissing girls before and Lexa’s lips are  _ really  _ soft, like she didn’t realize lips could be that soft and they draw her in and suddenly like one of those cliches she’s never believed in, everything starts to make sense and yet nothing makes sense which confuses her and how does that make sense? Lexa is kissing her, and now her lips are moving at their own volition, she’s kissing Lexa. She’s kissing back, and she’s enjoying it, until lexa shifts up to her knees and Clarke’s mind catches up to her and she slowly backs away.

 

“I’m not-” she starts then shakes her head slightly because she doesn’t know what she was going to say and anything coming to mind now feels like a lie.  _ I’m not gay?  _ That’s true, at least her posters of various male actors and the associated crushes makes her believe that, but there are other sexualities and if she were straight she wouldn’t feel like this would she?  _ I’m not interested?  _ That doesn’t feel right either, she liked the kiss and that terrifies her, but what scares her the most is that even though she’s never thought about it before, all she can think of now is wanting to do it again and what does that say? 

  
While she’s lost in her internal battle she misses the garage door opening, she misses Lexa’s rushed out apologies, she  misses the girl hastily get up and pull her shoes on, she misses her mothers greeting, but she doesn’t miss the sound of the front door closing, shaking her from her thoughts and Clarke looks around to find a Lexaless room. Lexa left. Lexa left and a pit forms in Clarke’s stomach. Lexa didn’t even wait to see what she was going to say, but what  _ was  _ she going to say? Clarke groans and falls back onto the floor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's fine, everything is fine


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving you hanging, life's insane and I busted my wrist so that makes typing a challenge. Thanks for all of you who kept bringing me back and apologies for not posting when I said it was, lets just pretend that was today.  
> Also just stick with me for one more chapter, this is the processing before the resolution and I rewrote it like 4 times which is also why it's late

Technically they’ve been in the same schooling system since kindergarten, but they never shared a class or social circle and Lexa doesn’t recall any interactions before high school or at least that’s when she started paying attention to any.

 

It started freshman year; they were in the same history class- though Lexa doesn’t think Clarke remembers that- and everytime Clarke would question the validity of a decision made by a dead white guy hundreds of years ago, which honestly was a lot, Lexa was enraptured by the ensuing debate. After that, she slowly became more aware of the girl At that point It was just a silly crush, a simple infatuation and admiration, she didn’t know Clarke, she just liked the idea of her.

 

Sophomore year, her crush grew when she heard Clarke comforting a girl in the locker room. She tried not to eavesdrop, but she had to get ready and the room had an echo, it wasn’t her fault Clarke had such a loud and drawing voice, especially when talking about body positivity. Her feelings may also have escalated only slightly that day from catching a glimpse of Clarke in a swimsuit, which may or may not have been ironic after hearing that conversation.    

 

The first time she saw Clarke at a fencing competition was as Lexa stepped up to her bout- it was also the first time she let her opponent get a hit, but those two things have no correlation whatsoever- Lexa could tell how lost the blonde was, her attention not staying on the match for very long, but she admired Clarke’s dedication to her friend.

 

And then when Clarke approached her in the library Lexa had to control her face not to give her feelings away. She had to be professional and not let some silly crush get in the way of someone else’s success. Clarke needed her and while that made Lexa feel stupid inside, math was the only reason they interacted. But of course Clarke Griffin isn’t one to accept knowing someone without trying to befriend them, and her stubbornness helps her accomplish that.

 

Every time Lexa tried to shut her feelings down, Clarke would do something like hug her or be interested in the things Lexa liked or smile and that would have them shooting back up ten fold threatening to break through her practiced stoic exterior. And then it was a full on crush. No, it was so much more than a crush, because she got to know Clarke, she spent time with Clarke, and her feelings didn’t go away, only intensified, because Clarke is weird and smart and funny and beautiful and really, Lexa never stood a chance. 

 

Clarke liked her...but as a friend. And now she’s ruined it.

 

Stupid stupid stupid.

 

She didn’t even ask!

 

They just had a seminar about consent two weeks ago! But Clarke kissed her back! Hadn’t she? Lexa swore she did, but maybe she was imagining it or Clarke was being nice or...nothing, Clarke isn’t- what? Interested? Into girls? She didn’t want to wait and find out, needing time to sort through her embarrassment and come up with a good enough apology. Plus Mrs Griffin came home and Lexa’s pretty sure she wouldn’t be comfortable with Lexa there if she knew what she almost walked in on. What was she thinking? But there were signs! Or at least she thought there were- she caught Clarke staring at her a lot and Clarke seemed to be touch her more than a just friend would do, but maybe that’s just who she is and what she does and Lexa turned it into something it wasn’t.

 

Stupid. Her legs burn as she pedals as fast as she can, trying to get away from her mortification. Her eyes are slightly blurry, but she won’t let any tears fall. It’s fine. She’ll go back to focusing on Clarke’s education, they’ll only meet in the library and talk about math or anything school related until she can get over her feelings and hopefully, if she’s lucky, Clarke will still want to maybe eventually be friends again.

 

******

 

By the time Clarke opens the front door and rushes toward the street, all signs of Lexa are gone. It’s conflicting, on one hand she’s kind of relieved because what would have happened if she caught her? On the other, she knows - or at least think she knows - Lexa and can only imagine what it sounded like, plus she really didn’t want Lexa to leave anyway. That has to mean something right?

 

“Clarke?” She turns around to meet her mothers questioning gaze. “What are you doing?”

 

“Uh...I was going to check the mail.” She says but it comes off as more of a question.

 

“And you stopped in the middle of the yard?”

 

“Yeah, I realized it’s not 5 yet so it’s probably not going to be here.” Her mom hardly looks convinced, but doesn’t question her further.

 

“Well okay then, are you alright with an early dinner? My bed is already calling me after the long day I had, I have to stop letting myself be on call for the overnights.” Abby chuckles.

 

“Sure, I could eat.” She really couldn’t even think about food right now.

 

“Alright,shall we go inside then?” Her mother gestures and Clarke realizes she hasn’t moved from her spot. She quickly shakes herself out of it and with one last glance down the street heads back to the house. “Why don’t you put the Wii and glasses away while I set the table.”

 

Clarke nods and moves to do as asked. It doesn’t take long with it only being two glasses and remotes, but she pauses for a moment when she picks up the fly away controller, smiling at the look on Lexa’s face. This only brings up what happened shortly after and she quickly sets it in the bin and puts the glasses in the dishwasher.

 

“Here’s your salad.” Abby sets their plates by their respective seats.

 

“But I don’t like caesar.” She frowns.

 

“It’s italian.” Her mom studies her for a moment. “Are you alright honey? You seem a little out of sorts.”

 

“What yeah, I’m fine.” she brushes off and stabs a leaf with her fork. She’s not fine, not really, but she’s not really sure how to explain what she is or what she wants to tell her mom. If it’s nothing, why should she tell her, but if it’s something…well, she has to figure out what it is first. Apparently she also needs to work on her attention because her mom has been talking and she hasn’t no idea what about except something is happening Monday at 6 and it sounds like a reminder.   

 

What’s happening Monday? She runs through her mental calendar, which is mostly filled with Lexa and that’s not helpful right now because then she can only think about that kiss. What is supposed to be happening on Monday- make-up test? Done. Assignment submission? No. Tutoring? Kissi- god yes, but no. What is she missing?

 

“David’s really looking forward to it.”

 

David? Who’s- oh David! David her moms..boyfriend(?). That David. Just great. Perfect. This is exactly what she needs to think about right now...ugh even sarcasm is not helping. 

 

“Oh, yeah me too!” She puts up her best fake smile. “Is it okay if I go over to Octavia’s after dinner’s cleaned up?” She asks abruptly.

 

Abby cocks her head slightly “That’s fine, are you spending the night?”

 

“No, just...hanging out.”

 

“Are you sure everything is okay?” Her mom asks, reaching across the table and Clarke feels a little pang at keeping something from her mom.

 

“Oh yeah, totally, I think she’s having like boy troubles or something and wants to talk. You know I’m not really great at that.” She shrugs and the partial truth makes her feel a little better.

 

“You’ll know more about that when you have a boyfriend,” her mom assures and Clarke would have laughed if her stomach hadn’t knotted up, “but I’m sure saying it out loud to you is all she needs and a little support”

 

“Yeah...probably.” She mutters.

 

\-----

 

The door is barely open before she practically pushes herself in. “I need you to be my best friend right now” She say in lue of a greeting.

 

“Hello to you too.” Octavia snarks. “Have I not been?”

 

“No, you have, but I need to talk about something and I need you to be serious.” She says, pacing the length of the small living room..

 

“I’m trying not to get offended here so why don’t you just say what you need to say” Octavia says with her arms crossed.

 

“I don’t know what I need to say. Well I kinda do, but I don’t know” she groans

 

“I need more than that.” 

 

“I kissed someone.” She blurts out.

 

“You what?!” Octavia exclaims suddenly blocking her path

 

“Well technically they kissed me, but I, uh kissed them back?”

 

“This is so great! It was good right? It had to be or you wouldn’t be acting like this.” Octavia asks while dragging her down to the couch.

 

“Uh, yeah, it was.” She blushes slightly.

 

“Who was it? Do I know him?” 

 

“Well, you see, that’s the thing.” She says hesitantly.

 

“I do? Who is he?”

 

“Um, so, they aren’t a he…” She says slowly, staring at her friend to gauge her reaction.

 

“What?” Octavia’s face is only one of confusion and Clarke rubs her hands along her thighs.

 

“Yeah, so, I think I like girls. Or at least I like one girl.” She confesses.

 

“You’re gay?”

 

“No!” She immediately says, but that doesn’t feel completely true. “I don’t know. I’m not straight right? Because I liked it and I kinda want to do it again, but I also like guys so…”

 

“But it’s just the one girl? Who is it?” Octavia asks.

 

“Well I don’t know, I never really thought about it before, because I always had like what I thought was admiration or maybe jealousy of some actresses but what if I was just crushing and telling myself it was something else?” She reasons.

 

“Does it feel the same?”

 

“What?”

 

“Whatever you normally feel for guys and how you feel about this girl or other ones.” Octavia says and Clarke stops fidgeting for a second to think. 

 

“It’s different.” She says after a moment.

 

“Different how?”

 

“I don’t know, it’s just a different appreciation I guess. Like I like different things about them. Is that normal?” 

 

“For you it could be, I know that isn’t how I see it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not normal.” Octavia shrugs and Clarke feels something loosen up inside her.

 

“So it’s okay if I am- if I do, if I liked a girl?”

 

“It doesn’t change who you are you know?” Her friend reasons, “Nothing about you is different, unless you have like a major personality swap, but even if you cut your hair or wore more flannel you’d still be the same Clarke.”

 

“You’re stereotyping you know that right? Although flannels are comfortable.”

 

“See. You get my point though.” Octavia says.

 

“Yeah, I do.” 

 

“So, do I get to know who it is?”

 

“This is where I need you to not freak out or anything.”

 

“Why would I freak out?”

 

“It’s Lexa.” She says with a partial wince as she waits for the backlash.

 

“Lexa?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Huh.” is all Octavia says and somehow that’s worse.

 

“What?”

 

“I just don’t see it.” Octavia shrugs, but Clarke knows there’s more to it.

 

“And why’s that?” Clarke asked trying to keep any defensiveness out of her tone.

 

“I don’t think your personalities go together.” 

 

“They’ve been going together just fine the past couple of months.” She says, narrowing her eyes. 

 

“Not in a relationship way though. I just don’t think she’s right for you.”

 

“Probably because you don’t know her.”

 

“I know enough” Octavia scoffs.

 

“You don’t though and I’m not going to pretend like you do, especially when you’ve never even given her a chance.” 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means you think you know everything about a person before they even open their mouth and if they’re better than you it’s an immediate dislike and that’s exactly what happened.”

 

“You think she’s better than me?” Octavia asks incredulously.

 

“That’s not the point! You have never given me a valid reason for not liking her. Yes, she can be a little standoffish, but only when she is protecting herself which you have to admit you do too. If someone ignored you or shut you out without even knowing you, you’d act like that too.” Clarke reasons, stopping her fists from clenching and her voice from rising.

 

“Please. She acts like she’s better than all of us, has since the beginning and I’m not just talking about fencing, that’s reason enough.”

 

“If you actually got to know her you would realize that isn’t true. She’s actually really nice, blunt sometimes, but I like that about her, and she’s funny in a weird way, and knows a bunch of random but cool things. Yeah, she’s serious too, but not overly and that’s also what I like about her. And the whole time she’s tutored me she hasn’t acted superior or like she’s better than me and she  _ is  _ better than me, she’s helped me and you know how I am about math.”

 

“I have a hard time believing we’re talking about the same person here.”

 

“Whatever, I don’t know what your actual problem with her is, but until you figure it out this conversation isn’t going anywhere. I’m not going to change my mind and it doesn’t seem like you are either.” She says, grabbing her coat that she apparently took off at some point. “I think I’m just going to go, I don’t want this to turn into anything more than it already is. Thanks for being supportive of who I am, I needed to hear that, I hope you support any decision I make in terms of who I decide to be with in the future.” Her walk to the door is silent, though she’s not surprised that Octavia doesn’t stop her or say anything. When she gets home she quietly goes up to her room, not wanting to wake her mom up if she’s asleep and not wanting to talk about anything if she’s awake. 

 

\----- 

 

She was actually looking forward to the quizbowl meeting, she needed to not think about everything that’s happened in the last 24 hours. 

 

Since they were doing a mock tournament they had different divisions of the team to practice with and because they have the maximum number of players so at least two people always sit out. Clarke has already been in a 4 versus 4 and a 1 on 1 trial and is now sitting off to the side, trying to focus on the questions being asked because even though she wasn’t being tested, it was still good practice...and a good distraction.

 

But she can’t help but pull out her phone and open her thread with Lexa for probably the hundredth time. She hasn’t heard anything from Lexa, though she can’t really blame her, she hasn’t reached out either, but she doesn’t know what to say! What’s really making her worried is that all of their games have gone unplayed by Lexa and she doesn’t want to be cut off completely from the girl. She wants to say something though, but how would she even start that conversation though? Clarke looks down and starts typing random starters because she’s a visual processer and seeing it written out is a lot more helpful than trying to work through it in her mind.

 

“You’re supposed to be paying attention” A disinterested voice startles her and she fumbles with her phone as she looks up.

 

“What, no, I am” She defends and then glances back down and instant panic settles in her. “No no no.” She rushes out hoping there’s something she could do to stop what’s already happened, but the little delivered check is glaring at her.

 

“Yeah, it looks like it.” Raven scoffs and Clarke momentarily forgot that someone was next to her. “Hey Mr. Morley! Can you tell Clarke here that meetings are phone free zones and if she uses it again I would gladly dispose of it for her?”

 

The room goes quiet as everyone turns to look at them. Mr. Morley sighs and then clears his throat before addressing the issue.

 

“Clarke, unless it’s an emergency, phones should be put away as they would be during an actual tournament. It will not, however, be disposed of in the event that this happens again.” He says before moving hi attention to the person next to her. “Raven, you are not permitted to take or ‘dispose’ of another persons property without permission. Now if we could get back to the questions, we have two more before our last grouping is up.”

 

******

 

Lexa was sitting at her desk attempting to write a paper- although only one word has appeared on the screen in the last two hours and the cursor seems to be taunting her every time it flashes- when her phone buzzes. She rolls her eyes thinking it was just going to be Lina or Anya trying to either apologize or see how she is, but when she clicks the home button to open it she freezes at the name. As dramatic as it sounds, Clarke has been haunting her mind for the last twenty four hours, even in her sleep she didn’t get a moment to herself. Haunting may be the wrong word to describe it, but Clarke has literally been the only thing she can think about. It’s a good thing that it’s the weekend or she would have suffered in class performance. 

 

As much as she prides herself for having a level head or being one of those cool, calm, and collected types, when it comes to Clarke, all of that flies out the window. 

 

She spends the next ten minutes debating whether or not to read the message. If it’s bad, part of her wants to know just so she can finish her wallowing faster, but at the same time, if it’s bad she wants to wait a little longer and hold on to the last shred of hope that things are going to work out. Which brings her to the slim chance that it’s good. Obviously if it was she would want to know as soon as possible, right? But then what would happen? Ugh. 

 

A few more minutes of psyching herself up and she finally picks up her phone and opens the text.

 

**Clarke:** You kissed me and I neverp0

  
What??  _ What!  _ What does that even mean! How is she supposed to respond to that? And why can’t Clarke ever finish a sentence? Especially over text, seriously that is supposed to prevent things like this from happening. ‘ _ I never want to see you again?’  _ that would be a little harsh, but if that’s how she feels, Lexa will respect that.  _ ‘I never thought about you in that way’ _ ?  _ ‘I never kissed a girl’  _ that’s better than the others, but still the majority of what she’s coming up with is on the negative side. She can only hope it’s not the first, she can handle anything else that may come from this except that.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter starts with Monday tutoring...how will it go?  
> Thanks for all of the comments and kudos'! If there's anything you want to see let me know!
> 
> also weird thought of the day - a pregnant woman swimming is a human submarine... okay bye


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they finally talk- somewhat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not my best, but I wanted to give you something since it's been longer than usual.

To say Clarke was nervous on her way to the library would be the understatement of the century. Okay, maybe it’s not to that degree, but still insanely nervous. She hadn’t heard from Lexa since the drawn out apology text that had been sent following her own little snafu. No, she didn’t reply. She wanted to, she did, but this wasn’t a conversation to have over text and she _really_ didn’t want to mess up again. She spent the rest of the weekend thinking, overthinking, and researching. A scrolling browser history worth of researching. And it cleared a few things up, but it also added a whole smorgasbord of other questions and possibilities. She felt like she could probably at least- hopefully- talk to Lexa now, if Lexa was there. What if she wasn’t? They didn’t confirm their meeting and Clarke didn’t want to text her about that without responding to- or talking about- the massive elephant in the room. If everything was normal she wouldn’t have to worry about Lexa being there or not, but everything is _not_ normal right now.

 

Her feet feel like lead as she slowly climbs the three flights of stairs to where she hopes to find the person who has been at the forefront of her thoughts for the last few days. It’s the kind of nerves where she feels like she has to pee, but doesn’t actually need to, that are taking over her body the closer she gets to the back corner table.

 

She releases a long breath at the same time her heart starts beating faster when she sees Lexa at the table. Giving one last mental pep talk and quick shake of her hands to get some of the jitters out, Clarke approaches the table like normal, well as normal as possible.

 

“Hey, Lexa.” She says with an air of forced casualness.

 

“Clarke.” It’s only one word, but the manner in which it’s said- formal and dull, a way she’s never heard before- has her pausing as she takes a seat.

 

“Can we-”

 

“If you do not have anything from your new unit today we can work from the beginning to keep everything fresh.” Lexa cuts in and it’s not whiplash per say, but Clarke is certainly not prepared for this.

 

“What?”

 

“I took the liberty of putting together study guides from past exams. You did well on the midterm, but the final will be harder and will cover everything.” Lexa says impassively. 

 

Clarke tries to make eye contact with Lexa, but the brunette only focuses her gaze on the work in front of them.  

 

“Lexa can we talk?”

 

“If it is about calculus, yes, anything else I'm afraid will have to wait for another time.”

 

She narrows her eyes “And when will that time be?”

 

“It is best if we go back to a strictly professional relationship between the two of us, if you still have something you wish to talk about when I am no longer your tutor you can bring it up then.” Lexa offers like it’s simple.

 

“What are you talking about, that's not- are you serious?”

 

“Yes.”

 

So this is how it's going to be? Really? She rolls her jaw to work out the tension. “What about last Friday? Because I have-”

 

“-Clarke,” Lexa sighs, her facade crumbling, “please, can we let it go? I will apologize again if that's what you would like but I don't-”

 

“-but that's not what I want!” Clarke rushes out. 

 

“Then what do you want?” Lexa asks tiredly meeting her gaze. 

 

“I want to talk about what happened and say I'm sorry I didn't respond to your text, I never meant to send anything and I couldn’t send another one to say that after it happened and then I got your message, but I was confused and didn’t want to say the wrong thing and then when I knew sort of what I wanted to say I wanted to do it in person.” She trails off because that was a lot less eloquent than what she had in her head and by the look on Lexa’s face, did nothing to ease the possible tension.

 

“If you'd like a new tutor I could recommend someone for you.” Lexa offers and Clarke has to hold back an eye roll. 

 

“That's not what I want either, can you just... hold on a second and let me figure this out.”

 

“Figure what out?”

 

She holds up a finger, covering her face with her other hand. “Please, I just-”

 

“Okay.” Lexa appeases, but after two minutes and nothing else spoken the girl gets restless. “What if we work on this,” A packet thicker than Cara Delevingne’s eyebrows is slid in front of her, “and then after the hour is over perhaps you’ll have come up with something.” Lexa says and Clarke knows it’s to give the other girl time and possibly an out, she probably hopes Clarke will forget about it and maybe it would be better to have more time and get her mind off of it for a little…

 

...It’s a horrible idea. She knows this for a fact five minutes in and after fifteen she’s pretty much hopeless at paying attention. She’s trying her best- okay maybe not her best, but she’s trying- but she can tell Lexa’s patience is waning.

 

“This isn’t working.”

 

She looks up from the word problem she’s been staring at for the last couple of minutes to see Lexa studying her.

 

“What?”

 

“You are not retaining any information,” Lexa says bluntly, Clarke opens her mouth to say something, but Lexa keeps going, “We worked on 9 and walked through every step until you got it and then you stared at 10 like it was hieroglyphics and it’s the exact same set up just with different numbers.”

 

“Oh...I didn’t even notice.”

 

“Exactly. Perhaps we should call it a day.” Lexa suggests.

 

“Yeah maybe.” She agrees and Lexa starts packing up her things. “So, can we talk then?” She asks hopefully and Lexa pauses, her binder halfway in her bag.

 

“You really feel the need to?” Lexa looks at her and Clarke can see her walls going back up.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Lexa nods though it seems more to herself than Clarke “Okay, but not here.”

 

Once they finish packing their things Clarke follows Lexa out of the library and behind the school. There aren’t any places to sit that she’s aware of so she’s not exactly sure where they’re going aside from away from prying ears. Lexa eventually sets her bag down on the ground and hops up on the retaining wall that runs behind the tennis courts. It wouldn’t have been Clarke’s first choice, but she’ll give it to Lexa if it makes her more comfortable. She drops her bag next to Lexa’s then pulls herself up with a little less grace than the brunette, criss-crosses her legs, while leaving plenty of space between them. 

 

“Did you figure out what you wanted to say?”

 

“Not exactly, but I’m hoping if we just talk it will all come out right.” She shrugs trying to cover her nerves.

 

“Okay, you do know in order for that to happen you have to start right?”

 

“Right.” She nods, wringing out her hands in her lap.

 

“So?” Lexa prods.

 

“I wanted to talk about Friday.” She states and out of her periphery she swears Lexa stiffens

 

“So you said.”

 

“More specifically the um kiss.” She says somewhat awkwardly before pausing to figure out how she wants to go about the conversation.

 

“Right. Look, if things are going to be awkward between us or if you won’t be able focus during tut-”

 

“Sorry, I’m going to stop you there. That’s not it at all. I liked it. A lot,” She admits and Lexa looks over at her, but she can’t meet her gaze yet because she knows she’ll lose her nerve, “Which confused me.”  

 

“Why?”

 

“Because, I don’t know I’ve never really thought about it before you know, kissing a girl or...or liking a girl. Everyone has always talked about me having boyfriends or “a good man” someday and like, I’ve had crushes on boys before so why wouldn’t I also think that?”

 

“It makes sense,” Lexa nods, “but...you liked it?”

 

Clarke would laugh at the disbelief with underlying hope that etched Lexa’s words if it weren’t for her own anxieties. “Yeah. I did and it made me realize I’d been having crushes on girls too they just weren’t the same and I hadn’t been openly looking for it so I guess I didn’t see it. I guess we can’t all know when we watched Disney movies as a kid.” She lets out a small sigh and Lexa straightens.

 

“I only say that about princesses because it gives tangibility, people can apparently make sense of that reasoning. People want some sort of proof, so I say I was jealous of princes, they believe the mind of a child over the thoughts of a practically adult, but most still say I just haven’t found the right one yet. Honestly, I just never pictured myself with a boy or found them attractive. I find some nice, but I never want to kiss one or see a future with one and I can see that with a girl.” Lexa explains “But anyway, you were saying?” 

 

“I don’t even know,” she laughs, shaking her head, “People really believe the princess thing over you just saying you like girls? You shouldn’t have to give them a reason.”

 

“I know, it just makes it easier sometimes.” Lexa sighs, adjusting her position “So, you’ve had crushes on girls?”

 

“Yeah, I think so, it makes sense at least. I just evidently like different qualities and was too clouded by others prompting and influences growing up to figure it out. Like I know about the different sexualities, I just never thought about me being anything other than straight and then after we kissed, I knew I felt something that a supposedly straight person wouldn’t feel and I did a lot of googling and I read and watched peoples stories about figuring out their sexuality and I saw some of myself in them which has to mean something right?” She asks looking at Lexa as if the other girl can solve all of her uncertainties.

 

“If you think it does. You are your own person, you can identify with other people’s feelings, but you have to decide for yourself what that means for you.”

 

Lexa’s words resonate in her and she thinks this could be her moment. Clarke turns herself so that she’s facing Lexa, taking a deep breath to muster courage she waits until their gazes meet. This is it. “And what if it means that I like you?” She asks tentatively, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. Lexa’s eyes widen slightly and her gaze flicks between Clarke’s eyes and drop to her mouth briefly before meeting her eyes again and they’re full of unexpressed hope.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa practically whispers.

 

“Lexa.”

 

“Are- are you sure?” 

 

“I really like you, Lexa.” She says with more confidence than before and Lexa is still staring at her like this is either a joke or a dream and Clarke wants to fix that, make her believe this is reality. “Can I-” the familiar ringtone of her mother calling interrupts her and Clarke wants to throw herself off the four foot wall, really, now? She lets it go to voicemail and notices she’s missed a few texts asking when she’d be home. The dinner! It’s one of the last things she wants to do right now, but she has to be there for her mom. “I’m so sorry, I forgot my moms manfriend is coming over for dinner tonight to meet me so I kind of have to be there and my mom is probably freaking over the food and presentation of it all which means I should probably be going…” she rushes out looking at Lexa who seems to be frozen in her spot. “Do you think we can talk more later?” she asks hopping off the wall, shaking Lexa from her stupor.

 

“Of course.” Lexa says softly. “I hope your dinner goes well.”

 

“God me too.” she laughs “Do you want a ride home?” 

 

“That’s alright, thanks though.” Lexa smiles, sliding off the wall and shouldering her bag. “I’ll walk you to your car though.” 

 

It’s a simple offer and one made before by Lexa, but this time when it sends a warmth through her chest she’s not blind to acknowledge what it means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any criticisms or suggestions welcome


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short walk to the car, a long dinner, and the beginning of something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to be MIA for a month! Life was crazy, but it's settled down now and I'm back to writing! Also I started watching B99 and it took over my life
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Also in case you didn't know- all clown fish are born male

The walk to her car is a quiet one. Clarke doesn’t know what to say because everything she wants to talk about needs more than five minutes to get through. It’s not uncomfortable, though, and Clarke notices Lexa walking slightly closer to her than usual. Clarke has this overwhelming urge to reach over and hold Lexa’s hand, which is new and both terrifying and thrilling at the same time.

 

Would that be awkward? Sure she said she liked Lexa, but they never really got to talk about what that meant - in general or for them- and that’s what’s holding Clarke back, that and the fact that they’re in public and even though she’s accepted her feelings, Clarke isn’t entirely ready for everyone else to know about them until she’s sure Lexa is on the same page as her.

 

  
“Do you have anything going on tonight?” Clarke asks as the parking lot comes into view.

 

  
“Other than finishing my assignments? Not particularly, Mondays are typically my free day. though my uncle may occasionally have an odd job around the house he needs my help with, but I believe he’s working late tonight, so that will not likely be the case,” Lexa explains and Clarke nods along, “Are you looking forward to meeting, how did you put it- your mom’s ‘manfriend’?” Lexa asks, causing Clarke to groan.

 

  
“I wouldn’t put it that way, but I am curious to know who my mom has apparently been seeing.”

 

  
“She seems like a sensible person, I’m sure he can’t be that bad,” Lexa reasons.

 

   
“One can only hope,” Clarke agrees, slowing her steps as they approach her car. She’s not ready to leave, would rather skip the dinner entirely to keep talking to Lexa, they don’t even have to talk, Clarke would be fine with just being in Lexa’s vicinity. Ugh, why does everything need to happen today?

 

  
“Well,” Lexa starts before looking down at her shuffling feet, “again I hope it goes well and I’ll  see you tomorrow?” Lexa asks even though Clarke knows their tutoring sessions and anything else important are probably written down in three separate places because Lexa just seems like the type of person who does that.

 

  
“Yeah, I’ll be- well, I’ll be here, again, tomorrow,” Clarke laughs awkwardly, “And um, maybe if you’re free after we can talk more?” she asks hesitantly.

 

  
“I am and I would really like that,” Lexa says softly. Their eyes meet and Clarke can’t help but stare, even though extended periods of eye contact usually freak her out, this doesn’t. Every time she looks at Lexa she notices something new and honestly Lexa is just really nice to look at. This time , though, instead of searching for another detail to add to her sketch book later, Clarke just looks at Lexa’s eyes and sees that hopeful expression from earlier.

 

“Me too,” she says. They stand there for a few more moments. Clarke knows she needs to leave, that she should have already left, but she doesn’t know how to say goodbye. It seems like a trivial thing to fret over, but at the same time it means a lot to her. A simple ‘bye’ doesn’t fit the situation in her mind, it’s not enough, but everything else she can think of is too much and definitely much further down the road from where they are right now.

 

Lexa bounces on her heels and looks like she’s about to leave when Clarke makes her decision. She takes a step forward, gently rests her hand on Lexa’s elbow, then closes the remaining gap to place a kiss on Lexa’s cheek. “Bye, Lexa,” she says and then quickly gets into her car as her nerves get the better of her.

 

As Clarke pulls out of the parking spot, Lexa doesn’t move and Clarke can only hope it’s for the same reason her heart is beating so quickly. A surge of happiness overcomes her and Clarke doesn’t think she’d be able to stop smiling if she wanted to. Even with the slightly rocky start and unfinished ending, things with Lexa today went better than Clarke could have hoped for and she’s more excited than nervous for what’s to come.

 

The music goes unlistened to as her mind is distracted by other thoughts. Mostly of Lexa, but branching from those come thoughts of relationships, of what it could mean for Clarke now and in the future, and of her mother. It’s a somewhat scary thought, but she wants to talk to her mom about this. They’re in a good place and this won’t change that, not after everything they’ve done to get to where they are now. Maybe after David leaves, if it’s not too late, they can talk.

 

The sound of running water and clanging pots greets her when she enters the house. Clarke dumps her things by the door and quickly makes her way into the kitchen where her mom is moving from one end to the other faster than she’s ever seen her.   

  

After a few more seconds of watching the seemingly frazzled woman flit around, Clarke clears her throat gaining no attention, “Mom,” she says with a little more volume than usual causing her mother to whip around.

 

  
“Clarke! You’re home! Where have you been?” Abby asks before turning back to the cutting board.

 

“I'm only ten minutes later than usual,” she points out.

 

  
“Your school gets out at 2:50.”

 

  
“Yes and then I had tutoring , ” although not much of that happened, not that she was going to tell her mom that , though. Not yet at least.

 

  
“Right, that's right,” Abby nods, “Sorry, that must have slipped my mind and I was counting on you for prep.”

 

“Well I’m here now.”

 

“Can you start prepping the zucchini?” Abby asks.

 

“I thought we were having stuffed peppers, why do we need zucchini?” she questions as she washes her hands.

 

“Change of menu, David wanted more meat, so I’m making chicken wellington since I don’t have time for beef, with haricots verts and zucchini as side, though I suppose we could throw in some pepper since we already have it and if you want creamed potatoes you could make a small pot,” Abby rattles off.

 

“Don’t you think that’s a bit much?” Clarke asks, trying to wrap her head around the extensive food being listed and the fact that this guy took away her stuffed peppers and shouldn’t he just be happy that he’s getting a free meal? “And there are a lot of other ‘meat’ meals that aren’t this intense, you shouldn’t be stressing about it.”

 

“I want it to be on the nicer side, turn the left burner up a notch for me?”

 

“Sure, but all of this only takes ten or so minutes, he's not going to be here for like another hour," she says glancing at the time “we have plenty of time.”

 

“David is very punctual, which means his on time is everyone else's early, so chop chop.”

 

Clarke obliges, finishing up the vegetable prep in silence, not wanting to question her mother further.

 

They finish cooking everything way earlier than Clarke thinks they need to, but she keeps her mouth shut as she covers it to stay warm. As she sets the table her mood drops slightly seeing the three place settings, it’s not like this is the first time three people will be at the table- it happens more than it doesn’t honestly- but it’s the first time a man who is more than just a friend and not her dad will be sitting with them and she needs a second to process.

 

A second is all Clarke gets as the doorbell goes off followed by a series of knocks that just seems excessive. And just like her mom told her earlier, he’s twenty minutes early...again excessive.

 

“Abigail,” she hears followed by a sound she never wants to hear again, at least from her mom and some guy, gross.

 

“Come in, dinner’s ready and Clarke is in the kitchen.”

 

Her mom enters first and gives her a look she can’t decipher, though it looks slightly pleading. Then David comes in, with his hair slicked back with probably a whole jars worth of gel, shoes still on, and reeking of cologne. Okay, she has to stop making judgments before she even knows him. Just give him a chance, more so for her mom.

 

“Clarke,” he extends his hand and after a second she places hers in his and man does he have a firm grip, “I’ve heard a lot about you,” David says with a partial smile or maybe it’s a full one, she doesn’t know, but it looks weird.

 

Clarke bites her tongue to refrain from saying she can’t say the same and instead says, “I’m looking forward to getting to know the man my mom won’t stop talking about,” in the nicest voice she can muster.

 

“Let’s eat,” Abby breaks the little non official size up.

 

“So Clarke, what are you doing for work?” David asks after they settle in.

 

“I'm going to school.”

 

“Obviously, but you must have an evening job, do you not?” he questions before taking a bite.

 

“No, I don’t,” she says simply.

 

“Oh,” his hands pause mid cut as he glances up at her, “and why is that?”

 

“I need all of my focus on my studies right now and I am fortunate enough to be able to,” Clarke answers, she knows she’s one of the few in her class without a job, but she also knows what works best for herself at this point in time and that is focusing on school, something she struggled with after her dad died and it took her well over a year to get herself back on track.  

 

“That won't fly in university. You know, I worked three jobs as a full time student and came out with enough to pay off all of my loans after a few years,”  

 

“Good for you,” Clarke says with probably more sass than she intended if the look her mom is giving her is anything to go by.  

 

“It doesn't hurt to have some drive. If I had a kid they’d be working as soon as they were able to. That’s how I grew up, paper routes, mowing lawns, shoveling snow, I was always working,” David continues and Clarke is really over this conversation.

 

“I’m planning on getting a job when I go to college,” she says hoping it will placate him for the time being. She really doesn’t need to be having this conversation with some guy she’s just met.

 

“That’s a start, but you’ll be behind your fellow classmates in experience. What major are you interested in pursuing? Are you following Abigail’s footsteps? I’ll tell you if more doctors were like her, I’d be out of a job, thank god they aren’t,” he laughs and Clarke is surprised when she hears her mom laugh along as well, how can her mom find this funny? He’s basically telling Clarke she’s setting herself up to fail. “So?”

 

“Not exactly following my mom, but I’m looking to major in nutrition and health sciences,” Clarke says happy to move on to a topic that she’s more comfortable with even though it probably won’t stay that way for very long at the rate things are going.

 

“Does that make good money? You can’t be living off your mother’s income forever, right? I’m not familiar with that end of the field, I only handle surgical malpractices not pharmaceutical.”

 

“Well, pharmacology is a different major and not what I am interested in, and depending on what area or specialty I go into the salary will vary,” Clarke explains gripping her fork a little tighter as she tries not let everything he’s saying get to her.

 

“It would be smart to choose the better financial package in the long run,” David says nodding to himself, “Abigail, have you heard anything about the potential horizontal moves the board is making? Anthony from HR was telling me the vertical shift has greater potential, but a heavier risk factor.”

  
Clarke zones out the rest of their conversation, pushing around her food and occasionally taking a bite even though she’s not that hungry anymore. Her appetite all but vanished during the inquisition. Dinner with David is not going how she expected, but her mom seems to be having a good time so she’ll push through for her.

 

“That was a good meal, it was no filet or rack of lamb, but chicken is always a nice palate cleanser,” David says after they’re done eating and Clarke and her mom start cleaning up.

 

“I’m glad you enjoyed it and could make it tonight,” Abby says, “We’ll have to do this more now that you two know each other.”

 

“If you cook, I’ll come,” David says and Clarke wishes she had been looking anywhere else when his hand finds its way to her mom’s backside.

 

“Why don’t you guys go sit on the porch or something, I’ll finish up the dishes,” Clarke offers quickly, not wanting to see anymore and after a moment her mom kisses the side of her head in thanks and leads David out back.

  
Unlike most people, Clarke likes kitchen cleanup. Aside from drawing, it’s where she can just get some of her frustration out and simply be, which she needs right now. Unfortunately , after finishing she is still slightly aggravated . T he rest of the meal had only been filled with more of how great David thinks he is and him stealing the conversation from her mom or on the rare occasion Clarke.

 

Knowing that she needs to relax a little before potentially having to interact with him again, Clarke goes up to her room for some space and pulls out her phone, the only way she’ll be able to let everything go is by telling it to someone else. Her thumb hovers over the call but before she switches back to the home screen, collapsing on her bed with a heavy sigh. Her go-to person is Octavia and they haven’t spoken since Clarke left Octavia’s house after their...disagreement. Normally Clarke would be the bigger person and reach out first, but she doesn’t want to this time, she still doesn’t understand what the problem is and doesn’t want it to somehow come up tonight. None of her other friends are the type to be helpful in this kind of situation or really just listen to her vent.

 

There might be another option, although that might be awkward and dive into a lot of new territory… she could always ask.

  
Before she can second guess herself, she sends off a text. She stares up at her ceiling waiting for the little chirp signalling a response. Clarke is surprised when barely a minute later her phone starts ringing.

  
**_(incoming call: Lexa)_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me! Let me know what you thought!  
> hopefully we all have the same stance on David...
> 
> And thanks to my lovely sounding board and beta, really helped break a bout of writers block (say that 3x fast)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little insight into Lexa and the phone call

It was one of those random days of the season where a sporadic warm front rolled through, leading everyone outside in a good mood and wearing shorts for the last time of the year before winter hit full force. Lexa, however, was in a good mood for an entirely unrelated reason. Clarke  _ liked  _ her. Lexa heard it herself even though she thought she was imagining it the first time, but the second time it was definitely real. Lexa still had trouble believing it though. She liked Clarke and Clarke liked her. This had to be a dream.

 

And Clarke kissed her on the cheek! That was real . Lexa could swear that  the spot that  Clarke’s lips touched  had tingled for a good hour after Lexa shook herself from shock and somehow managed to bike home.

 

That definitely has to mean something, right? Aside from old family members and some people from other countries, only people that like you more than platonically kiss your cheek. 

 

But at the same time, Lexa has no idea what any of this means. Does Clarke want a relationship out of this? Lexa does, without a doubt she’d say yes if that’s what Clarke wants. Does Clarke just want to test things out? Lexa’s alright with taking things slowly if it means they’re taking it somewhere at all, but she’d be gutted if it turned out to be some experiment, not that she thinks Clarke is like that  _ at all _ , she just can’t stop her brain from going there. What if Clarke likes her, but doesn’t actually want to be with her in any capacity other than friends? That might crush her, if she’s allowed to be dramatic about it, but come on , she just found out her  _ crush  _ likes her back.

 

She’ll just need to prepare herself for every outcome of their future conversation, it’s the only logical thing to do. 

 

It’s also the only thing on her mind right now , so needless to say it’s a good thing Lexa is always ahead in her school work because since she got home she’s only gotten as far as  t aking her books out of her bag.

 

“Lexa?” her uncle calls from somewhere inside the house and Lexa quickly covers the sheet she had started formulating her thoughts on.

 

“Backyard!” she calls back loud enough for him to hear and turns in her seat to face the door.

 

“Tasting the last lick of good weather?” he asks plopping down next to her.

 

“Thought I’d enjoy it while it lasts,” she says and he hums in agreement

 

“Did you eat?”

 

“Yeah, I had the rest of the leftover ziti. How was your new customer?”

 

He groans and Lexa holds back a smile as she waits for his response, “I don’t know if I can get past the monstrosity she has in her sitting room.”

 

“No? Improper back to seat ratio?” she guesses.

 

“Worse, she’s got this real ugly shin eater in the middle of the room.”

 

Lexa faux gasps, “You’re kidding, who would do such a thing?” 

 

Her uncle gives her a light shove, “You mock me, but I’m telling ya, the wood and the style of the piece don’t match anything else in the entire house let alone room!” 

 

“So are you not going to make whatever it is she asked for?” Lexa asks already knowing the answer.

 

“I should kick you out for even thinking that, you know I love a good brain hurdle.”

 

“That I do,” she agrees.

 

“Enough shop talk, you seem less tough kicked puppy than you have for the past  couple  days, did you and no name work it out?” he asks causing her to groan. She was hoping he either wouldn’t notice or talking about work would distract him long enough before she could slip away into her bedroom.

 

“She has a name,” a very unique and fitting name, if you ask Lexa.

 

“You’ve never shared or cared for my other nicknames for the girl, therefore ‘no name’ won out. Now, you doing better?”

 

“Yeah, I think so,” she says smiling, it’s certainly better than it was this weekend and she’s definitely more hopeful than she wants to believe she is.

 

“Good,” is all he says and then they both close their eyes to enjoy the last hour of the sun.

 

Lexa loses track of time as she listens to the rustle of the remaining leaves in the trees when the wind blows. Even with the unusual warmth she can still smell the faint hint of the oncoming winter. It’s one of her favorite seasons. She loves how clean the snow makes everything look. She loves wearing sweaters and seeing the lights along the houses as she rides her bike through hopefully well plowed streets. She loves playing broomball with her friends on the pond and hopes to bring Lina in on the tradition. Maybe even Clarke if she likes it. Lexa knows Clarke hasn’t participated in any school sport, but that doesn’t mean Clarke doesn’t like to play any for fun. It’s not like they take it that seriously, well Anya does, and one time that left Lexa with stitches in her chin, but that was only one time and Lexa got Anya back for it. Okay, maybe if Clarke wants to play Lexa will have to talk to Anya about going easy on her. 

 

A nudge to her foot startles her from her thoughts and she looks over to see he uncle with an amused look on his face.

 

“What?”

 

“Your notebook buzzed and you seemed to be taproot deep in thought over there.”

 

Lexa reaches under the book for her phone and practically shoots out of her chair when she sees the name light up on the screen.

 

**Clarke (7:24):** Are you busy?

 

She runs her fingers through her hair as she stands and gathers her things. What does that mean? Obviously she knows what it means in general, but what does it  _ mean _ ? Why?

 

“I’m going inside, if I don’t see you again before bed, goodnight,” she rushes out and does her best not to run inside.

 

“Say hi to ‘no name’!”

 

Lexa makes it to her room and is immediately pacing. They weren’t supposed to see each other until tomorrow. That didn’t mean they couldn’t talk before then, but Lexa wasn’t expecting it and even though typically Clarke’s texts are random in occurence and questions and this is random,  this  question is very specific and lacking emoticons. Does she want to have the rest of their talk right now? No, Clarke would have been  upfront about that. Does she want to hang out? It’s a little late for that, but Lexa wouldn’t be opposed to it. Deciding to just jump the bullet, Lexa presses the call button and holds the phone up to her ear. It rings three times and each one makes her regret the decision to not text back. This was a mistake, maybe she can hang up now and say it was a misdial.

 

_ “You called me,” _ is the first thing she hears in lieu of a greeting and it’s said with such surprise that it throws Lexa off.

 

“Is that not okay?” she asks panicking slightly, this seemed to be the fastest and most efficient way to answer Clarke’s question, but maybe Clarke doesn’t actually want to  _ talk  _ to her right now. “It seemed as though- I thought this would be a better form of communicating,” she finishes and almost holds her breath waiting for a response.

 

_ “Yeah, no, it’s fine, I just- I wasn’t expecting it _ _ , _ _ I guess,” _ Clarke says and Lexa can almost picture the accompanying little furrow to her brow as Clarke talks.

 

“Okay,” Lexa says and waits for Clarke to explain her text or at least say something else, but it doesn’t come and Lexa can only take the silence for so long before the unknown starts to get to her, “Was there a reason you inquired about my activities? Which by the way, I am not busy.” 

 

_ “Oh, yeah, there was, but it was stupid don’t worry about it,”  _ Lexa’s never heard Clarke sound so defeated before; sure there were times during tutoring during an especially hard problem, but this is a new kind and Lexa’s not really sure how to go about it.

 

“I’m sure it’s not and we can talk about it if you would like or we can talk about something else,” Lexa offers hoping that she can in some way either make Clarke feel better or at least distract her. 

 

_ “Do you know any good jokes?”  _ Clarke asks after a little while  and Lexa drops into her desk chair. Does she? Not really. Well a few, but they’re not really good at least for what she assumes are Clarke’s standards.

 

“Um, let’s see. Do you know what the difference between a cheetah and a comma is?”

 

A pause,  _ “One has spots and a tail and the other is a spot with a tail?” _ Clarke says and Lexa blinks. Well she certainly wasn’t expecting that answer. Thinking about it though, in a way it’s true. It might even be better than her answer. What if Clarke doesn’t like her answer now? She has to stop thinking this way.   _ “Well? Was I close?”  _ Clarke’s voice brings her back and she realizes she’s gone longer than normal without responding.

 

“That’s not exactly what I was going for, but I like that one.”

 

_ “So what’s the difference then?” _

 

“Well, one has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause,” Lexa says with conviction. Clarke doesn’t answer right away, in fact Lexa can’t hear anything coming from the other end, but when she looks at her phone it says the call is still going. “It’s two variations of the words. P-A-W-S versus P-A-U-S-E and of-” laughing cuts through the line causing Lexa to stop her explanation. 

 

_ “Oh my god. I should have- of course it involves grammatical organization,”  _  Lexa frowns, is there something wrong with that? But Clarke is still laughing and it's a sound Lexa wouldn't mind hearing more of so she doesn't care if it might be at her expense at the moment. Clarke sounds better than she did a few minutes ago, that's a win in her book.  _ “I'll have to add that to my list, I hadn't heard that one before.”  _

 

It was good! “You liked it?”

 

_ “Yes and no explanation was necessary.” _

 

“ O h, I apologize if I offended your-"

 

“ _ N _ _ ope, you're good. Just telling you for future reference!”  _ Clarke says and that could mean anything really, but Lexa is going to take it as part of their future , not just future joke telling for anyone. Clarke’s laughing ends abruptly with a huff,  _ “ _ _ W _ _ hat kind of full grown attorney lawyer whatever says the word vegebles non ironically?”  _ W ait what? 

 

“I’m sorry what? Is that the start of a joke?” Lexa asks completely thrown by the sudden change of topic and tone. Clarke sounds more annoyed now than defeated.

 

_ “And doesn't bring flowers or anything!”  _ Clarke continues.  _ “And he only calls her Abigail, I thought she hated when people called her that, but apparently I don’t know anything because I’m focusing on my education and not building up any experience which is going to lead to my demise in college and the real world, especially if I don’t choose a well paying career in which case I’ll end up being a freeloader. A leech  _ _ on _ _ my mom. A parasite to the world. A-” _

 

“Clarke-” Lexa tries to stop Clarke’s spiral, her own head spinning from all the information coming through the phone, but Clarke is stuck in this loop and maybe it would be best to let her get it all out.

 

_ “I don’t want to do that. I work hard. Just because I don’t have a job right now doesn’t make me any less driven or successful or- or lacking in potential. That’s not all that matters. I know it’s important and I  _ will  _ get a job at some point, but that can’t be the basis of my- that can’t be the only thing going for me _ _ , _ _ can it?” _

 

_ “ _ I don’t think-”

 

_ “But what does he know? Sure he’s, in most standards, successful, but he lacks all sense of respect! And he voted for that orange cheeto, that right there tells me something’s wrong with him. I don't understand what she sees in him!”  _ Clarke’s breathing is heavier, the more she spoke the more worked up she became and Lexa is utterly lost in terms of what to do. She’s not usually the friend people go to for things like this. Sure she can listen well, but if someone wants advice? Lexa would be better off trying to explain quantum field theory to a group of kindergarteners.

 

“I’m guessing you’re referring to your mother’s partner,” Lexa says still trying to process everything that came out of Clarke’s mouth so she can formulate the correct response.

 

Clarke sighs, “ _I am-_ was _. Sorry,_ _I shouldn’t have just gone off like that, you don’t need to hear it. I’m sorry, I was just really frustrated and needed to let it out, but I shouldn’t have bothered you and now I’ve probably made things weird and...yeah I’ll just see myself out of this phone call.”_

 

“Clarke!” Lexa says with a little more force than necessary, but she wants to make sure she’s heard and that Clarke doesn’t just hang up. That’s the last thing she wants , honestly.

 

A few tense moments of quiet pass before a small “ _ Yeah?”  _ is heard.

 

“You didn’t make anything weird,” Lexa stresses before taking a larger breath than necessary, but it feels like this moment calls for it. “and if you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Although I can’t promise I’ll be good at it.”

 

_ “Thanks,”  _ Clarke sighs _. “I really appreciate that.” _

 

“Do you-” Lexa starts then clears her throat “-do you still want to? Talk about it that is.”

 

“ _ Um, yeah maybe. If you really don’t mind?” _

 

“Not at all.” Of course she doesn’t. Why would she mind talking to Clarke? She would mind  _ not  _ talking to Clarke, but that’s not even being considered right now. 

 

“ _ Okay _ _ , _ _ ”  _ is all Clarke says and Lexa waits for more, waits for anything, but nothing comes.

 

“The dinner didn’t go well?” Lexa asks even though she already knows or at least feels like she knows the answer. She’s just hoping that will help Clarke open back up.

 

Clarke scoffs,  _ “That’s an understatement, except I’m pretty sure I’m the only one that thought so.”  _

 

“Why do you think that?” Lexa asks, because questions are good, she can always come up with another question. Advice and potential comfort? The jury isn’t looking too good.

 

“ _ Because David is too full of himself and back handed compliments to see that what he was saying was actually hurtful. He made assumptions, incorrect ones by the way, and then proceeded to tell me pretty much everything wrong I’m doing with my life, with implied laziness from not having a job and lack of ambition from not wanting to pursue a career solely for financial gain. That’s not even what bothers me the most though. He showed so little respect for my mom in the few hours I was with him he lost all of mine. Like, he changed the meal the day of, which isn’t awful, but it’d been planned for a week and my mom obviously works and had bought all of the stuff early and then he calls the food a ‘palette cleanser’! Like ‘oh I’m a real manly man, I only consider red meat real man food, everything else is for weak women’,”  _ Clarke mocks with a faux deep voice and if the topic weren’t serious, Lexa might’ve laughed. _ “He also interrupted her and practically groped her in front of me, it just doesn’t feel like he thinks they are on the same level, like he thinks he’s better than her. Than us.”    _

 

Wow, this guy seems like a real ass is all Lexa can think and apparently verbalize because Clarke makes a noise of agreement. She doesn’t know what else to say, how does she respond to that? She has to, she knows she does, but she can’t really respond with a question can she? Maybe she can.

 

“How was your mom when he was saying and doing all of that?”

 

_ “Fine. She was fine _ _ , _ _ ”  _ Clarke says in disbelief. _ “Didn’t say anything when he was telling me I should have a job now and was setting myself up for a hard future, even though she knows why I don’t. Was fully supportive of the decision actually. She just sat there the whole time like everything was normal and I knew she could tell it wasn’t. They’re sitting on the deck like that wasn’t the most uncomfortable dinner ever, hopefully sitting ten feet away from each other.” _

 

“Maybe you should try talking to her, see how she feels the night went and tell her about how he made you feel,” Lexa suggests , not really happy with the basic response, but it does seem like the best thing to do in this case.

 

_ “I just don’t get why she’s with him,”  _ Clarke sighs. Lexa doesn’t know either. Why would someone be with a man like him? She could guess, but she doesn’t know Mrs. Griffin well enough to hypothesize about her love life choices. She’s not sure she really wants to know that kind of information, but for Clarke she’ll at least try to come up with something.

 

“You said this is her first relationship since your father?”

 

_ “Yeah, at least that’s what she said, but she kept that from me for so long so who knows.” _

 

“Well,” Lexa starts as her mind tries to string together the right thing to say , “perhaps her standards aren’t set as high as you think they would be.”

 

“ _ What do you mean? How can she go from someone like my dad to someone like him? It doesn’t make sense.” _

 

“In a way it might. She was with the person she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with, right?” Lexa states more than questions. “Well, no one in her mind is going to live up to that. To  _ him _ . At least that’s how I would feel,” she adds. “No one will ever surmount to that and  be as right for her and whether that’s true or not has nothing to do with this,” Lexa says , her own brow furrowing in confusion at the direction she’s going, but she shakes it off and pushes on. She’s committed to this now. “Only that it might have made her, let’s say more open, to certain aspects and personalities she would not have been open to before your father. She found someone who expressed interest in her, maybe had a few things in common with, and who made her feel ‘something’ and she went with it. This is pure speculation, I truly don’t know a lot about this subject. Maybe she’s settling or maybe she truly likes this guy and you got off on the wrong foot. I don’t really believe that, but I needed a counterpoint,” Lexa clarifies.

 

She hopes she gave a reasonable response. It’s true what she said about not knowing a great deal on the topic. She doesn’t have a lot of examples, her own parents being away and her uncle being a casual dater. Lexa herself has only had one sort of serious girlfriend, but even that wasn’t some great learning experience. The majority of her knowledge comes from old television shows. 

 

Clarke is quiet for a moment and Lexa thinks she should have gone down a different path for explaining her opinion. 

 

_ “We really don’t talk about him much. At least not how we should. They really were happy together, not perfect, but definitely happy. Maybe you’re right, at least I hope you are, I really don’t want to have to get used to him. Maybe if she knows there’s better out there and that she can have that again, she’ll see how wrong he is for her.” _

 

“It does seem like an odd pairing from what you’ve told me,” Lexa agrees. “And I’m sure if you told her how he made you feel she would do something about it, if not leave him.”

 

_ “Yeah, maybe. We’ll see, I’m going to wait until it’s a good time.” _

 

“That’s thoughtful of you, but I hope you know her happiness isn’t more important than yours. Don’t let it wait too long.”

 

_ “I know, I know. I’ll let her have tonight at least,”  _ Clarke says.

 

“Oh, and for the record you are not lazy,” she stresses, she needs to get that point across, should have done it when it first came up. “I know personally how much effort you put into your studies and needing time for yourself doesn’t negate the work you do, everyone needs a break or else they’d burn out. I also know people who didn’t have a job in high school as well as people who didn’t even finish high school and they are doing very well for themselves doing what they are interested in. I know if you continue to put the work into what you want to do, you will do well, but this is also the time when we’re supposed to be living our best lives before we get sucked into the dark realm that is adulthood.”

 

_ “Thanks, Lexa,”  _ Clarke says quietly. _ “Really, that means a lot. You aren’t as bad as you think you are at this.” _

 

Lexa smiles leaning back in her chair. “My practice is paying off then.”

  
_ “One of these days I’m going to meet your turtles and find out their names,”  _ Clarke says seriously. Hearing that gives Lexa an irrational sense of happiness. Partly because Clarke remembered, but mostly because that meant Clarke really did want to get to know her more and saw them seeing each other more outside of school. Her heart  does that little flutter it always does when she thinks of the possibility of her and Clarke as more than friends. It’s nerve wracking and exciting that there is a chance that possibility could become a reality. And talking about random things for the rest of the night with Clarke certainly  doesn’t  make that feeling go away.

 

As Lexa lays in bed after the call ended, she knows she’s going to have a hard time trying to fall asleep. Her mind is full of thoughts of Clarke and she wants to be able to remember this moment. This feeling. Clarke called her. Okay, she called Clarke, but Clarke sought her out for comfort first. Thinking over that fact again, Lexa starts to wonder. Why did Clarke come to her? Yes, they were some variety of friends who were possibly on the verge of becoming more with the reveal of feelings, but aside from a conversation of said feelings they didn’t really discuss a lot of personal issues. Surely she has other friends to talk to about matters like that. Lexa knows how close Clarke is with Octavia if no one else. So again, why didn’t Clarke go to her, why Lexa? Was everyone else busy? Is something going on between them? Lexa can only think of a few scenarios that could have them not on speaking terms and all of them seem far fetched.

Would it be over stepping if Lexa asked Clarke about it? She doesn’t want to ruin anything or upset Clarke further. Maybe when Clarke meets her after fencing practice tomorrow she’ll see how Octavia and Clarke interact. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are happening...  
> Are they good or bad? I don't know
> 
> I'll be out of town next weekend and most likely won't be able to post...so I'll see you in 2 weeks!
> 
> the african penguin is also commonly referred to as the "jackass penguin" because it makes donkey-like braying sounds


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot and a little happens in this- to be honest I'm not even sure if I finished this, but it's something after awhile and I was hesitant to post it so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> also Happy 20biteen!

“You seem less you today”

 

“I’m not quite sure what you mean by that” Lexa says as she puts her gear into her bag. 

 

“You smiled like three times unprovoked during practice,” Anya points out. Had she? “You never break commander face.”

 

“I don’t recall those moments”

 

“I know you well enough to see past...that” Anya says gesturing at Lexa while looking expectant.

 

Lexa sighs and looks around the locker room to see if anyone else is left, but per usual, she and Anya are the last to clean up. She takes longer than necessary zipping her bag up while she thinks of the best way to say what she wants to without making a big deal out of it. “I’m going to tell you something, you get two questions and a controlled reaction”

 

“All of my reactions are controlled.”

 

“That’s valid.” Lexa waits a beat, taking a larger breath than necessary. “Clarke told me she likes me,” and to her credit, Anya’s face remains neutral other than a raised brow.

 

“Oh did she?”

 

“Yes, you only have one question left”

 

“That was rhetorical and you know it” Anya protests.

 

“It still counts”

 

“Don’t be a shit, no it doesn’t. When was this?”

 

“Yesterday after school,” Lexa says smiling slightly at the memory.

 

“And I’m just hearing about it now?”   
  


“Is that really how you are going to use your last question?”

 

“You look like more than that happened. Did you kiss her again?” Luckily Lexa has enough control to keep from blushing.

 

“No. We’re not- I didn’t want- She actually had to leave before we finished talking.”

 

Anya narrows her eyes at Lexa, deciphering all of the little details that weren’t mentioned, but were alluded to by Lexa’s body language. “That’s not all though”

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“You honestly can’t leave it there.”

 

“That’s all!”

 

“Lexa.”

 

“Well, it’s nothing momentous, but we talked again last night.”

 

“Is this where you talk more about feelings and I just believe you without needing to hear more?” 

 

Lexa rolls her eyes, shuts her locker door and swings her bag over her shoulder. “Not in the way you think. She was upset and needed someone to talk to.”

 

“And she went to you?” Anya sounds incredulous and honestly it’s a little offending. “I don’t mean it like that, I just mean, it’s not like you too are that close, maybe you’re getting there, but I would just think that she has someone else to confide in.” Does Anya have to be logical about this right now? Lexa just wants to bask in the knowledge her crush likes her back. So what if they haven’t truly known each other long, Clarke was comfortable enough to tell her, that should be all that matters. 

 

“I know she has other friends, but I think she typically would talk to Octavia and I believe they are not on the best terms although I’m not sure why. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a tutoring session with Clarke.” They walk past a row of lockers before being cut off by Octavia storming past them and through the door.

 

“Doesn’t look like that’s still happening,” Anya mutters.  

 

******

 

“What the hell, Clarke?” Octavia startles her from her zoned out state sitting on a bench.

 

“What?”

 

“I can’t believe you!” Octavia exclaims, pacing in front of her.  

 

“What did I do?” 

 

“You went to her?” 

 

“Who?”

 

“Instead of me. I can’t believe it.”

 

“Octavia stop for a second,” Clarke says grabbing Octavia by the arm to slow her down and turn them face to face. Confused would be an understatement at the moment, Clarke doesn’t understand why Octavia is upset or how it relates to her and she’s pretty sure she couldn’t have done anything wrong since they haven’t really spoken in days. “What are you talking about?”

 

“Lexa!”

 

“What about her?”

 

“You went to her!”

 

“For what?”

 

“Exactly! I don’t know because you didn’t come to me. You always come to me when you’re upset, that’s what we do.”

 

Clarkes brow furrows as she tries to process the information. Did Lexa tell Octavia she was upset? Why would she do that? “Lexa told you I was upset?”

 

“No! She was talking to Anya about you and the two of you and you talking to her because you were upset about something and Anya thought it was weird you went to her too!”

 

“She was talking to Anya about me? About she and me, her and I, the two of us? What- uh what exactly did she tell Anya?” Did she tell her? Oh god, Lexa told Anya. Anya knows. Anya knows she’s...that she likes girls- likes a specific girl at least. Three people know and Clarke is mildly panicking. Was her heart beating this fast a minute ago? Sure Anya seems fine with Lexa, but they’re friends, she doesn’t know Clarke, she could tell other people before Clarke has the chance to, she could-

 

“You’re missing the point!” 

 

“What?” Clarke says slightly dazed from her reeling thoughts.

 

“Why are you shutting me out?”

 

“What are you talking about?” Clarke says slightly exasperated 

 

“You didn’t come to me.”

 

“You’re this mad because I didn’t tell you one thing?”

 

“No, I’m mad because you’re pulling away,” Octavia says still tinged with anger and something else Clarke doesn’t register. 

 

“I am not!” 

 

“We used to hang out all the time and now we hardly even text each other.”

 

“It’s been like less than a week and our last conversation didn’t end on a good note.” 

 

“It started before that though, and I’m not the only one that’s noticed. The last time we all hung out was homecoming and before that it was even longer and aside from Monty, you only see our friends at lunch. Ever since you started hanging out with Lexa, all of your free time goes to her,” Octavia says crossing her arms. 

 

“She’s my tutor, of course I was spending time with her and we’re friends now, friends hang out and for the record I can have other people I hang out with regularly, especially when I don’t really enjoy all of the things you guys like to do or feel like I fit in anymore. It hasn't even been that long! Also you could have easily texted me first! I don’t always have to initiate it,” Clarke points out, quickly becoming done with the direction this is going, “Oh! And you’ve been hanging out with Lincoln, yeah he’s always waiting for you after fencing so how is that any different?”

 

“You say that like you pay attention to anything other than Lexa while you’re there,” Octavia scoffs, “it’s funny as soon as you start hanging out with her you start coming to practices and competitions when we’ve been friends for years and you never came.”

 

“That’s not true.”

 

“Oh please, every time I looked at you you were looking at her or at your sketch pad and I only need one guess as for what you were drawing or should I say who.”

 

“I decided to go for you, I paid attention to all of your bouts, I learned more than I’ll ever need to know about that sport so I could understand you when you talked about it and if Lexa so happened to help me learn it, that shouldn’t make a difference.”

 

“Could’ve fooled me.”

 

“Why are you being like this?”

 

“Oh so I’m the problem?” Octavia scoffs and starts to walk away.

 

“I didn’t say that! God, it’s like you have this whole you against the world thing or at least you against me and now when something doesn’t go how you see it you lash out and I don't want to be a part of that.”

 

“Oh I’m sorry” Octavia says sardonically, “We can’t all have a perfect life like you.”

 

Nostrils flared, Clarke closes her eyes and counts to five, before releasing a forceful exhale through her nose. “I’m going to try really hard to pretend like you didn’t just say that and unless you can tell me what’s really going on, I’m going to go.”

 

She stands her ground, slightly guarded, as she waits for Octavia to do something, anything, but Octavia won’t even make eye contact with her anymore.

 

Resigned, Clarke just sighs before turning around. “Alright then,”

 

She begins walking away only to stop and look back when she hears Octavia quiet “I don’t know, okay?’

 

Not moving closer, Clarke leans against the wall next to her. “That’s not really an answer”

 

“That’s all I have,” Octavia says shaking her head looking far less intimidating than she did a minute ago, Clarke watches the facade fall and the sudden change feels like whiplash. “that’s the only answer I have for everything.”

 

“What?” Even though they’ve been friends for so long, Clarke still isn’t that good at reading Octavia, maybe it’s because she holds everything in or maybe Clarke just hasn’t tried hard enough, but the sudden 180 has Clarke thrown off.

 

“ I don’t know anything!”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Everyone asks the same questions and I don’t know the answers. Where are you going to college? I don’t know. What do you want to do with your life? I don’t know. What city is your mom escaping reality in now? I don’t know! Why don’t you have better grades? Because I don’t know what I’m doing? I don’t know! Everyone’s talking about college and knowing what they’re going to major in and I haven’t even applied because I have no idea what I want to do with my life and my grades aren’t even that good so scholarships aren’t even a thing for me which means financial aid and debt and why would I open that hell hole just to go in undecided. I don’t even like school, I’m not good at it, but everyone expects me to go and to know everything, but they don’t actually care and the people that are supposed to care aren’t even here to care and you were my constant and you’re slipping away or I pushed you away because we haven’t been normal in awhile and I don’t know how to handle it. And I’m just so  _ angry  _ all the time and I hate it and ... I just don’t know.” By now Octavia has slid down the wall opposite Clarke and is gripping her knees, breathing heavily as she stares blankly at the tiles in front of her, refusing to let any tears form.

 

Clarke has only seen Octavia cry once- the first time her mom forgot to call on her birthday- since then, Clarke assumed that Octavia only let go when she was by herself, but somehow it seems she’s converted anything sad or upsetting into anger and Clarke isn’t really sure what to say, besides it being out of the blue, she is still trying to wrap her head around the anger and her apparently large impact on Octavias life.

 

She decides to take it piece by piece and hope for the best, “You don’t have to know what you want to do for the rest of your life right now,” she says earning a half-hearted scoff.

 

“Everyone else says you’re wrong.”

 

“So? It’s your life.”

 

“And what am I supposed to do with it?”

 

“You have time to figure that out,” Clarke says with a shrug. “You could work for a while and see if you find something you like doing or maybe go to trade school if you don’t want to go to a 4 year university or if you think you might want to go to a university at some point you could even do your pre-recs at a community college to save a little while you decide what you want to do. You have options.” 

 

“That still requires money that I don’t have.”

 

“Mr. Baker said that there are more options now for aid, we talked about it when I wasn’t sure about having enough to cover potentially more than four years. He said they’re more forgiving now and the pay back is easier. That’s also where I saw the pamphlets on the different trade schools around here. Maybe you should talk to him and see if he can help point you in the right direction,” Clarke suggests

 

“I hate asking for help.”

 

“I know, but I think it might be the best thing to do right now...and I’m not just talking about financial aid,” She says hesitantly, “You should talk to someone or find a good outlet for what you’re feeling” Octavia releases a shaky breath and Clarke swears she sees a nod. 

 

“I don’t even know where to start with that.”

 

“Well, you have to start somewhere. Talk to Mr. Baker and then maybe a counselor, I know you think they’re all quacks, but Ms. Jenkins managed to get through to me when the fancy shrink couldn’t so you never know,” Clarke shrugs. “You’re my best friend O, I love you and I’ll always be here for you, but I can’t be your only crutch or take the blame for things I don’t know about, that’s not fair on either of us.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Octavia chokes out.  

 

“Yeah, me too.”

 

\------

 

Her drive home was weird, she wasn’t really sure what she should be feeling as so many different emotions swirled around her mind. Mostly she just wanted to forget it for the night and worry about it later. She hoped a night on the couch with her mom would help, but all thoughts of that were quickly squashed once she entered the house. 

 

It seems like everything is going against her today. She stands in the entryway watching her mom apply a layer of mascara in front of the hall mirror, wearing a dress too nice for a night in and Clarke’s heart drops. 

 

“Clarke!” Her mother turns when she spots her in the reflection, “oh good, you’re home, I was afraid I wouldn’t see you before I left.” A brief hug is exchanged and Clarke swallows the lump in her throat.

 

“Where are you going?” She asks even though she already has a pretty good idea or at least knows who her mom is going out with.

 

“David and I are going out. He wants to take me to a new sushi restaurant.”

 

“Oh.,” she says hoping that she was able to keep the disdain out of that one word. “Wait, but you hated sushi.”

 

“Well, I might like it tonight.”

 

“Hmm” Doubtful, but she doesn’t really want to get into another debate of any kind tonight so she drops it.

 

“Everything alright?”

 

“What? Yeah, just tired I guess.”

 

“Well, if you don’t have too much work you can have a quiet night to yourself.”

 

Solitude is the opposite of what she wants, but again since when had the day gone in her favor. “Yeah, that sounds good”

 

Her mom pausing rummaging through her bag to look up at her. “Are you sure you’re alright?” 

 

“Uh huh,” Maybe she should just say it, well not _it-_ not right now at least- but something. “Well actually, Octavia-” she’s interrupted by a car horn outside. A car horn? Seriously? That better not be who she thinks it is.

 

“Oh, David’s here. Sorry honey, we’ll talk later,” her mother gives her a quick kiss on the side of her head, “enjoy the peace and quiet.” And with that she watches her mom leave to go off with a guy who couldn’t even be bothered to come to the door to get her and here Clarke thought she couldn’t think any less of him. 

 

With a sigh Clarke drags herself up the stairs and into her room, collapsing on the bed she opens her computer to pull up take out menus. As it boots up, she grabs her phone out of her bag, noticing a few messages from her friends she scrolls past until she sees one from Lexa. 

 

**Lexa:** is everything okay?

 

And Clarke kind of hates that a simple text can make her a little better when just a second ago she felt like breaking down. At the same time, she's also conflicted when it comes to Lexa. She knows that the talk, if you can even call it that, with Octavia was bound to happen eventually, Lexa and Anya's conversation simply expedited it, and she doesn't care about that, no she cares about Anya knowing she isn't straight. It's not like Clarke is ashamed per say or that she blames Lexa for confiding in a friend. She never outright told Lexa not to tell anyone and it wouldn't really be fair of her to ask that of Lexa would it? But maybe she could bring it up though? Anyone could have overheard the them talking, Octavia being proof of that and Clarke doesn’t think she’s ready for the whole school to know, especially if it doesn’t come from her. Sighing, she looks at the message again deciding what to write back. she already feels like she might have over vented yesterday, but Lexa was the one to call her... Clarke just doesn't want Lexa to think that's all their conversations will ever be.

 

**Clarke:** yep! Sorry I missed tutoring... am I going to need to ask Murphy to take over :D

 

**Lexa:** Clarke

 

God, she can even hear Lexa say her name over text. The only problem is she doesn't know the context. Is she supposed to know what that means? Is she really that easy to read even over text? Times like these Clarke wishes she had an iPhone so she could see if the little dot things were there. Thankfully she doesn't have to wait long for an answer as another text appears.

 

**Lexa:** I'm unsure if you are being sarcastic or if everything is truly fine. However if you would like to talk about something on your mind now or in the future I would like you to know that I would gladly listen.

 

That’s new, well not new, but definitely unexpected.

 

**Clarke:** Thank you

            I wouldn't even know where to start though and I don't really want to dump all my problems on you

 

**Lexa:** I understand the offer will always be there

 

**Clarke:** I appreciate that

            are you still at the library? 

 

**Lexa:** No, I’ m home now finishing my lab report for dinner  

 

**Clarke:** fun...lol I don't feel like doing school work. I do need to figure out what I want for dinner... Panera or pizza? Or somewhere else that delivers I’m not picky 

 

**Lexa:** what does your mom want?

 

**Clarke:** apparently sushi

 

**Lexa:** and you don't want it?

 

**Clarke:** no she doesn't

 

**Lexa:** I feel as though I am missing something

 

**Clarke:** sorry, it's just me tonight... mom's on a date

 

There isn't an immediate response, so Clarke takes the time to change into something more comfortable, might as well tuck in for the night.

 

**Lexa:** would you like to come over for dinner?

 

**Clarke:** I didn't tell you that to get an invitation. I'm okay with take out

 

**Lexa:** I didn’t say you weren’t, but if you would like some company the offer is there. It’s okay if you want to be alone, I won’t take it personally.

 

Clarke pauses to think about it, Lexa and her many offers. She really  _ would  _ rather not be by herself right now and it's not a full-on pity invite…  she would have to change again though, there’s no way she is showing up in Lion King pajamas no matter how amazing they are.

 

**Clarke:** okay I'll be over in like 15?

            and thank you 

 

****

 

After she finishes her assignment, Lexa walks into the kitchen where Henry is whistling some unrecognizable tune while stirring a pot on the stove.

 

“is there enough food for me to invite a friend over?” She asks hoping the answer is yes since Clarke is already on her way. If not, she’ll just say she already ate and give Clarke her portion or order in food, no big deal.

 

“On a school night? You feeling right?”

 

“yes, I've already finished everything due this week so it will not take away from my work.”

 

“You’re the one with all the rules, but hey there's plenty of chicken shit to go round,” Henry says waving the spoon over the pot causing sauce to spatter on the stove and counter. If it isn’t cleaned soon, it will probably stain, Lexa reasons grabbing a sponge. 

“Great, except can we maybe not call it that in front of her?” She asks as she wipes the mess up. 

 

“Why the sudden problem with the name? ‘Case you’ve forgotten this kept-”

 

“-everyone on the boat alive, I know, you tell me literally every time we eat this.”

 

Henry whips around flinging more sauce, this time it lands all over the floor, Lexa sighs. “Now I know you didn't just call that beauty of a frigate, a boat.”

 

“oh never, I think all that water in your ears has made you hard of hearing or you’ve suffered some type of memory loss from all that pressure on your brain, don't worry I won't put you in the home for another year or two,” She teases throwing the sponge at his face.

 

“I oughta-”  the doorbell cuts him off and after one attempt at a warning look, Lexa hurries to answer it.

 

She opens the door to a tired-looking Clarke and it takes a lot of self-restraint to keep from hugging her. They aren’t there yet, at least she doesn’t think so. She’d like them to be, but Lexa doesn't want to scare Clarke off with any unwanted affection. Which is weird because she’s usually never the initiator of hugs or anything of the sort.

 

She greets Clarke with a hopefully friendly smile, takes her coat, waving off another thank you and shows her into the kitchen. “Clarke this is my Uncle Henry, Henry” she eyes him “this is Clarke”

 

“good to meet you, hope you're hungry, this chicken shit ain't gonna eat itself” he grins at Lexa “y'all go finish settin’ the table while I finish up.”

 

“I'm sorry about him, “ Lexa groans, seriously she asked him for one thing! “What would you like to drink with dinner?”

 

“Water's fine.”

 

*****

Clarke never pictured what Lexa’s uncle would look like, but if she had it would not have been anything like who she just met- a tall average built man with unkempt hair, a bushy red walrus mustache, freckles and a thick southern accent- no resemblance to Lexa whatsoever. Yet, that’s who is sitting across from her right now.

“So Clarke, what brings you out to our neck of the woods?”

 

“Um,  Lexa invited me over for dinner?” Was that a trick question?

 

“Your folks don't mind you bein’ out?”

 

“No my mom is out for the night.”

 

Henry whistles, “Oo I'm sensing some strife,” he says and Clarke chokes on the forkful of food she just put in her mouth, apparently she needs to work on her delivery if he could already guess that. 

 

“Henry” Lexa warns, sliding Clarkes water closer to her.

 

“No pushin’ from me,” he raises his hands

 

“it's fine,” Clarke waves off after a few large sips of water “you're right anyway. I'm not really a fan of the guy she's out with.”

 

“Oh let me guess.”

 

“Henry.”

 

“One guess. 'less you mind?" Henry directs his question to Clarke waving off Lexa’s protest. Not knowing exactly what's happening Clarke simply shakes her head.  "Tell me first, he gel his hair?”  he asks leaning forward on the table like they’re playing some type of game.

 

“I’ve only met him once, but it was slicked back somehow,” Clarke says

 

“What’s he do?”

 

“He’s a malpractice attorney.”

 

“Where at? Duey Cheetum and Howe? No, I’m just playin’” Henry laughs and then rubs his hands together. “He’s one of them too big for his britches highfalutin’ types yeah?”

 

Only understanding half of that sentence, Clarke just nods, “Um, sure?”

 

“I knew it, shame though, those type ain’t fun to be round.”

 

“That’s a fact,” Clarke agrees and she honestly can’t believe she’s smiling while talking about it, but she can feel the pull of her cheeks and it only gets stronger when she hears Lexa’s exasperated sigh next to her. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is the rest of the night at Lexa's and then possibly a very small time jump ~like weekish unless I come up with something else. You never know...
> 
> hate on me kindly- thoughts are very much appreciated, though unnecessarily negative ones tend to lead to 6 months of no updates so keep in mind there is always the option to just not xx
> 
> yell at me on tumblr if I fall off the earth again


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey it hasn't even been a full month so that's progress- this isn't completely done or edited (is it ever- let me know if you see any mistakes I'm sure they're in there) but I heard there are some nasty fics that need to be pushed down into the void so here you have it! I've had nothing to do for three days with the polar vortex practically shutting the city down and still couldn't complete a chapter- writers block is a fickle thing
> 
> Thanks for all the comments, kudos, and love on this!

“Your uncle is-”

 

“-I apologize for him, he always over does southern phraseology around new people, well he does say a fair amount of odd phrases normally, but usually it is not as laid on thick,” Lexa says quickly before adding “I’m not actually related to him if that makes a difference.”

 

“I was going to say nice, but thank you for that.” Clarke laughs. “I _was_ wondering about the relation between you two though, I mean I know how genetics work, and you could have been related for all I knew, I was just trying to figure out who had all the recessive genes because I didn’t see any resemblance.”

 

“No DNA is shared between us, unless you want to back source it to species origin.”

 

“Nope, no, no more knowledge talk,” Clarke shakes her head “I don’t want to hear anything school related until 7:15 tomorrow morning and even that isn’t actually a want.”

 

“Suit yourself,” Lexa shrugs

 

“I will,” Clarke says ending the conversation.

 

Neither know what to say after that, at least Clarke doesn’t and based on Lexa’s semi stiff posture in the chair next to her, she’s at a loss as well. It’s not to say that the silence is uncomfortable or awkward -well maybe a little awkward- this is a new place for Clarke, and she doesn’t want to dictate what they do. She does want to talk about a few things, mainly what liking each other means for them and Lexa telling Anya about her liking a girl- in general and because it was overheard thankfully only by Octavia who already knew. Both of those seem heavy though and Clarke isn’t sure she wants to go down that path right now.

 

She rubs her hands over her legs and lets out a long exhale looking around the room. There’s matching light wood furniture with some sort of grey stone top, a large fish tank on one wall with a collection of exotic rainbow looking fish, and a dog bed in the corner.  

 

“You have a dog?” Clarke asks hoping for a distraction, though she hasn’t seen or heard anything other than the bed to confirm the presence of a canine.

 

“He’s my uncles, but I live here too and help take care of him, so I guess he’s technically mine too.”

 

If she wasn’t so anxious, Clarke would laugh at Lexa’s answer, it’s never a simple yes or no. “Where is he?”

 

“At the vet, he’s incredibly intelligent yet remarkably dumb at the same time. He got into Henry's workshop and ate a rag covered in wood polish; they're just keeping him for a couple nights of observation.”

 

“Oh,” Clarke breaths out, at a loss for what to say to that unexpected answer “well I hope he’s okay.”

 

“This isn’t the first time he’s gotten into something he shouldn't have” Lexa shrugs, “they didn’t seem too concerned when we took him in, they are just being cautious.”

 

“That’s good.” Clarke nods and Lexa mirrors her. Well, that didn’t last long, Clarke sighs.

 

“Would you like to do something? We don’t have many games, but there are a few in the closet or just cards. We could also watch something, there are DVDs or VHS tapes in the chest,” Lexa says, gesturing toward the piece of furniture that supports the TV.

 

While Clarke would love nothing more than to distract herself with a mindless show, she knows she needs to rip the metaphorical band aid off before she has time to overthink it all.

 

“Actually, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” She says hesitantly.

 

“Okay” Lexa nods and turns her focus to Clarke.

 

“I just,” Clarke starts “I’m not really- okay hold on” she sighs and rubs her hands over her face before looking up at Lexa “I don’t really know how to say this because I get it in a way, but at the same time it kind of freaked me out and maybe it’s because it’s new or maybe that feeling won’t go away I don’t know, maybe it’s because I didn’t really think about other people or them finding out another way. I mean I haven’t even told my mom and what if she some how finds out from someone that’s not me? Then what?” She stops before breaking into a full-on spiral, Lexa’s furrowed brows and look of concentrated confusion not helping her in the slightest.

 

Lexa blinks and shakes her head slightly, giving Clarke an apologetic look, “I’m sorry, I tried to follow what you were saying, but I’m unsure that I fully understand.”

 

Clarke sighs, tucking her hands under her legs, “Octavia overheard you telling Anya about-” she pauses, searching for the right word and settles for “- _us,_ and like she already knows, but someone else could have been there and heard and I don’t know,” she shrugs “I panicked”  

 

Lexa’s face looks almost stricken, her eyes wide, mouth parted “I am _so_ sorry, Clarke, I didn’t think about… I should have thought about-”

 

“-I’m not mad”

 

“I wouldn’t blame you if you were. I still feel anxious and dread when someone new finds out I’m gay. You never know how they are going to react, no matter if they are a stranger or someone you’ve known for a while.” Lexa confesses “I should have thought about you and your feelings, regardless if it’s new or not.”

 

Clarke swallows hard, less reassured than she wanted to be. She had been hoping that Lexa would tell her that the feeling was normal, but it wouldn’t always be that way and maybe it will be different at some point, she’s just not sure if she’s ready to find out.

 

 “It was, weird, hearing about it from Octavia. Everything sort of stopped and I couldn’t think about anything else. Even though a part of me knew that Anya would be fine with it, there was still that, I don’t know, _fear_ that she wouldn’t if that makes sense.”

 

“It does, it makes sense,” Lexa nods and shifts closer, well as close as she can without going over the arm of the chair she’s in. “She is by the way, fine with it” Lexa clarifies “I’ll tell her not to talk to anyone about it and I won’t either, not unless you say it’s okay, though I am pretty sure Henry might know and Lina because she lives with Anya, but they won’t say anything I’ll make sure of it.”

 

“Thank you, I just need a little time to figure everything out and how I’m going to tell my mom. I know it’s not really fair to ask you to keep this a secret, you should be able to talk to people about…your life and I’m sorry that-”

 

“Don’t apologize, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. No one needs to know anything unless you want them to, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Clarke sighs knowing it was pointless to disagree. She settles further into her chair and let’s some of the tension out of her muscles. it’s been an exhausting day, all the stress wearing on her body and she just wants a break. “Can we watch something now?”

 

Lexa’s gaze lingers on her for a moment as if trying to read her, before she stands “Of course.” Clarkes eyes follow Lexa’s movement as she walks over to the chest and slides the door open to reveal a variety of movies. “We mainly have older films and shows on tape, but there’s a bit of everything in here. Is there anything in particular you’d like to see?”

 

Clarke shakes her head “You can choose, I’m not picky.”

 

“Okay” Lexa runs her finger over a few titles before pulling one out, opening the case and putting it in the DVD player. “I’ll just grab a couple of blankets from my room” Lexa says, and Clarke almost just nods and lets her leave before something clicks in her head.

 

“Is that where your turtles are?” She asks causing Lexa to stop

 

“Yes.”

 

“Can I see them?”

 

Lexa hesitates for a second before saying yes, but as soon as Clarke gets the okay, she springs out of the chair and meets Lexa at the hall entrance, following her to her room. Lexa’s room is not the simple, clean, white walled space she assumed it would be- the walls are light blue, there’s a single bed in one corner with a well-used desk that also acts as a nightstand beside it, a papasan chair in another corner next to a book shelf that contains an equal number of books and what look like small instruments, and one wall is dedicated to housing different sized aquariums. Lexa walks over to the smallest one and waits for Clarke to join her.

 

“Do I finally get to know their names?” Clarke jokes to which Lexa’s only response is a roll of her eyes.

 

“This is Franklin, he’s a red-eared slider. That’s Shelly she’s an African aquatic side-neck,” Lexa says as she moves from tank to tank “And this, is Buttercup, a Mississippi map turtle. They aren’t very active right now because of the season and in the summer, they are usually in an enclosure we have out back, but here they are.”

 

“Am I allowed to ask about the names?”

 

“I think Shelly is pretty obvious, I was five.”

 

“What about Buttercup? Is that from power puff girls or something?”

 

“I’ve never seen that.”

 

“Okay so…?”

 

“It’s from The Princess Bride. She started off as Princess Buttercup, but then I dropped the princess part.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes,” Lexa says and then sighs when she realizes Clarke wants more information. “We’ve never had cable, so when I was younger it was always movies or a show we checked out at the library. Only Henry didn’t want me watching a whole movie every day so he broke them into ‘episodes’ and we would watch thirty minutes of one at a time. Princess Bride just happened to be one of them and apparently it was my favorite, we probably wore down the tape with how many times I insisted on watching it. Who knows, maybe she was the beginning of my gay awakening.” Lexa shrugs.

 

“That’s actually really sweet.”

 

“Anyway, blankets.” Lexa brushes off, walking into her closet and coming back out with two plush blankets, but Clarke can still see a hint of blush on her cheeks.

 

They walk back to the family room in silence, but unlike earlier it’s not awkward and Clarke feels a little lighter. Lexa hands Clarke one of the blankets, grabs the remote and then settles on the couch. Clarke looks between the couch and the chair she was previously sitting in, debating, knowing which spot she would prefer, but holding herself back, something she’s never done before. Lexa gives her a questioning look and that’s all it takes for Clarke to be brave for the three seconds it takes her to walk over to the couch, lift the blanket and sit down right next to Lexa, sides practically flush against each other.

 

She doesn’t look at Lexa only asks, “Is this okay?” and hopes Lexa can’t feel the rapid beating of her heart.

 

Lexa relaxes next to her, “More than” she says and pushes play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you think? I told you the 'big reveal' of turtle names wasn't going to be that great, it's all about Lexa's crush mentality (semi embarrassment)  
> all of the fish have names too but it probably wont be brought up
> 
> Hope you all have a great weekend!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter- Clexa at Lexa's, Clarke meets Henry, Lexa's turtles, they talk (sort of)- clarke and lexa not the turtles
> 
> this chapter- Abby and Clarke have dinner together, Lexa hang out with Anya and Lina, Clexa texting

Clarke groans as her backpack slips off her arm landing on the floor with a thud, she stretches trying to unravel all the new knots she has just from carrying it from her car into the house.

 

She hates books.

 

Okay, not all books. School books. Especially calculus textbooks that have no right being that thick or heavy, they shouldn’t be allowed to cause physical pain on top of mental. It’s just rude.

 

She sighs with another pop of her back and walks into the kitchen, surprised to see her mother standing at the stove. It was a rare occurrence to see her for more than a quick conversation over the last two weeks, let alone have a full on meal, leading Clarke to stew in her thoughts. She wanted to talk to her mom, she did, but she wanted more than ten minutes or a ‘catch-up’ before they went to bed. Maybe now was that chance.

 

“How was your day?”

 

“It was good.” she shrugs tossing a piece of cut up carrot into her mouth.

 

Her mom looks at her, waiting for more “Clarke.”

 

“What, it was!”

 

“And that’s great, but give me something else. What made it good? Did you learn anything interesting? is there anything coming up that I should know about? Converse.”

 

Clarke contemplates for a moment, remembering her day. There really isn’t anything important happening in school, no tests or functions, just same old same old. She remembers something that might help her lead the conversation. During the little chats they’ve had, Clarke has offhandedly commented on different LGBT related facts or anecdotes to get a feel of her mothers potential reaction and warm her up to the topic. Luckily her teacher is very progressive and after going over the basics they’d need to know for standardized exams, he teaches them about people who aren’t necessarily covered in history books.

 

“Oh! Did you know that there were a ton of lesbians in the military during WWII and when the Generals and other top ranked people wanted to crack down on it, all the women, who were highly decorated, told them to put their names on the list? And since they didn’t want to lose some of their best officers and stuff, they forgot about the order and the women continued to be awarded commendations for meritorious service.” She says with increasing exuberance, because she always heard about nurses or factory women, or women who dressed as men to go into war, but never of the women who recognized for their efforts.

 

Her mother stares at her for a moment and Clarke recognizes her processing face. “I did not know that, no. That is interesting”

 

“If I could swear, I’d say it was bad ass.”

 

“Clarke.” Her mother admonishes turning back to the stove.

 

“I said if!”

 

“Right. I take it that was in your history class?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“And” Her mother starts somewhat hesitantly, lifting the pot off the burner and setting it on a trivet. “How is that related to U.S history?”

 

“How is it not? Women were huge contributors to the military, but were barely acknowledged at the time. Plus it’s important for gay rights, not that things didn’t get worse or anything after that, but it was sort of a landmark for how it could be.”

 

Abby hums in acknowledgement, “Is that topic discussed a lot in that class?”

 

“What, war or misogyny? Because there’s a lot of both, but we really only ever hear about the white guys.” Clarke says and her mother lets out a small laugh while carrying bowls to the table, Clarke grabs a couple of spoons and they both take their seats.

 

“I’m sure those are both aptly covered, but I meant the other, subject.”

 

“What other…” Clarke pauses before it clicks “Oh gay rights? Yeah, we have a whole unit on it’s timeline in America coming up. I kind of hope he goes over Eleanor Roosevelt and her girlfriend.”

 

“Well, it’s nice you’re getting a liberal education. Is your teacher…” Her mother tapers off

 

“Gay?” Clarke finishes “Well, he’s married to a woman, but that doesn’t 100% guarantee he’s not.” Clarke says conspiratorially. “But Mr. Thompson, says it’s just as important as everything else we’re taught and we should know about it if we’re going to be positive additions to society.”

 

“I suppose that’s true. I’m glad you’re enjoying history, that was my least favorite subject in high school.”

 

“Mines math” Clarke grumps and then says without thinking “But Lexa makes it better.”

 

Abby hums in agreement “It is good you found a tutor that connects well with your learning style. If it doesn’t click, it won’t-”

 

“Stick” they finish the old adage her grandmother always said, together.

 

They eat in relative silence after that, and Clarke finds herself practically basking in the comfort the presence of her mom gives her that she’s missed more than she thought over the last couple weeks.

 

Clarke starts the dishes while her mom puts the leftovers away, she pauses in her ministrations when her mom says, “I was thinking we could go to the civic theater tomorrow, we haven’t been in months and I’ve been so busy lately I don’t think I could even tell you what was out right now.”

 

So, maybe there was something Clarke meant to tell her mom about.

 

“Oh, could we maybe go Sunday? I kind of already have plans tomorrow.”

 

“And this is the first I’m hearing of them?” Her mom asks in more surprise than annoyance.

 

“You haven’t exactly been home for me to ask” Clarke tries to say lightly

 

“A simple text-” her mom sighs “What will you be doing?”

 

“Devon, Prasanti, and Mariella, from QuizBowl, invited me to hangout and maybe sleepover at Devon’s.”

 

“I don’t know how comfortable I am with you spending the night if there is a boy present.”

 

“I’m pretty sure she only has sisters, so the only ‘boy’ would be her dad.”

 

“I thought you said-“

 

“Devon’s a girl mom” she says with an eye roll.

 

“Well alright then, I guess you’re free to go.”

 

“Cool, so sunday for the movies?”

 

“We’ll see. David, may come over for dinner that evening.” her mom says and Clarke stops her next eye roll before her mom can see it. Of course.

 

“Can I invite a friend over then?”

 

****

“Ugh, who decided to let Poland, Indonesia, and Monaco have basically the same flag. Indonesia and Monaco are literally the same except for a _slight_ size difference, how the hell am I supposed to know the difference on an online quiz? Who even knows this stuff?” Anya complains.

 

“I do.” Lina brags

 

“yeah well, name the 50 states and then we’ll talk.” Anya snarks

 

“I will, if you name 40 of the countries in Europe.”

 

“That’s different.” Anya mutters “are there even that many?”

 

“You are the one who is in the class world geography and international relations.” Lina points out.

 

“Whatever.”

 

Lexa shakes her head “I don’t know why I continue to think I can get any work done here.”

 

“we all know that work isn’t even due until next week, besides I finished my quiz, I’m done for the weekend.” Anya says victoriously, flinging her page of world flags in the air.

 

“I am not doing school work, I am messaging with the robotics team.” Lina clarifies

 

“Fine” Lexa gives up on her attempt at being proactive, closing her computer “Food?”

 

“Food” her friends agree.

 

Lexa moves to stand from her place on the floor when her phone vibrates.

 

“Who’s texting you, oh wait, let me guess.” Anya pauses tapping her index finger on her chin “Clarke”

 

“So what if she is?” Lexa asks, holding her phone close so Anya doesn’t take it.

 

“Have you talked?”

 

“About?” Lexa asks knowing very well what Anya was referring to, but she didn’t want to get into it. She wanted to see what Clarke messaged her.

 

“You, her, the two of you together. It’s been like two weeks since your last ‘talk’ that lead nowhere.”

 

“I’m not going to push.” She’s not going to make Clarke uncomfortable, this is all new to her and Lexa is just happy she can be there in whatever capacity that works for them. Even if she likes things defined, it’s not like this will never be something. At least she hopes.

 

“You should ask her out” Anya says and Lina nods in agreeance. Before Lexa can protest Anya continues “not like a full on mushy romantic date, were in high school, just do something not at one of your houses or the library.”

 

Lexa shakes her head “I don’t know.” She wants to, she’s definitely thought about it, pictured it, but again, she doesn’t want to push.

 

“Oh come on, it can even be a just friends thing, or look like it.” Anya tries.

 

“Shes your half an orange.” Lina says seriously, but her eyes are alight with mirth.

 

Both Anya and Lexa look at her in confusion “What”

 

“Your half an orange.” Lina says again.

 

“You need to stop letting Eliseo give you English lessons.” Anya shakes her head.

 

“I know what it means. I say things like that because it is fun to see peoples reactions, my teachers correct me, but no one else. They give me, what would you call this look.” Lina says and morphs her features

 

“I call it the ‘oh honey’ face” Anya says “Makes people feel smarter though and they don’t need the ego boost. Anyway what did she say?”

 

Lexa finally looks at the message and her heart beats a little faster as a smile takes over her face. “She asked if I wanted to come over for dinner tomorrow.”

 

“This is the perfect opportunity!” Anya exclaims and Lexa looks at her in confusion.

 

“For what?”

 

“To ask her out” Lina clarifies.

 

Lexa sighs, thumbing out her acceptance. “I don’t know.”

 

“There’s no harm in asking” Anya says standing up finally to go find food.

 

“She could say no.” Lexa points out while following.

 

“She won’t”

 

Lexa stares at her phone while Anya and Lina throw together a baking sheet of some frozen food, Lexa’s too preoccupied to care. Her thumbs hover over the screen, but she doesn’t type anything. Suddenly her phone is gone and Lina is typing, Lexa too stunned to do react. She expects that kind of behavior from Anya, but not Lina. They’ve been living together too long.

 

 **Lexa (5:13 PM):** Would you like to go bowling or get a smoothie next weekend? :)

 

“Bowling? Seriously?” Lexa says when she gets her phone back.

 

“I like it and I put two choices.” Lina shrugs

 

“I never use emoticons.”

 

“You should.”

 

 **Clarke:** Are you asking me out?

 

Remain calm. It’s not like Clarke is even there to see her be nervous.

 

 **Lexa:** Potentially

 

 **Clarke:** Like a date?

 

 **Lexa:** Potentially

 

Lexa waits. Waits for an answer, a rejection, or a counter offer, a response of any kind. Why is this so nerve wracking?

 

“She’s not answering.”

 

“Give her a minute.”

\----

 

A minute turns into hours and Lexa hasn’t been able to focus completely on anything they’ve done.

 

Luckily they’re only watching a movie that Lexa had no real desire to see so she doesn’t feel bad that she’s missed most of it while staring at her phone. Willing it to light up.

 

As if some greater being heard her, the dimness of the room is momentarily broken by a new message.

 

 **Clarke (8:22 PM):** top three most overrated movies and why, go

 

Seriously? What?

 

 **Lexa:** why?

 

 **Clarke:** :P just humor me

 

 **Lexa:** Why?

          Wait, aren’t you with people right now?

 

 **Clarke:** Yes! We just finished playing disney code names and now everyone is putting their pajamas on. I’m on limited time here.

 

 **Lexa:** Why do you want to know my opinion on movies then?

 

 **Clarke:** I just want to have something to talk about and they like debating things and talking about what they would do differently if they redid so and so

 

It takes a second for Lexa to understand what’s really happening. Or at least what she thinks is happening, knowing how important tonight is to Clarke who is becoming more and more distanced from her old friends. Lexa plays along.

 

 **Lexa:** 1\. The Breakfast Club. Why- The premise of different cliques sharing commonalities and bonding during detention brought on by slight bouts of rebellion is ruined when they imply the “goth” girl would only get noticed or ‘get the guy’ if she changes her entire appearance. Plus, the whole scenario is unrealistic in itself and the likelihood they interact after that is unlikely

 

 **Lexa:** 2\. Titanic, and it’s more of an annoyance with people than it being overrated. Yes, there was enough room on the board for two people, surface area wise, but as soon as more weight was added the entire thing would have submerged and both of them would have died. It was about real lives and most people fixate on the actors. Also they could have made it more interesting by following multiple passengers experiences- I know they didn’t have a lot of detail, but that’s creative liberty.

 

 **Lexa:** I can’t think of a third off the top of my head, but another opinion I have is not a singular movie, but as a collective whole- disaster movies.

 

 **Clarke:** I was so on board with you for the first two and then you completely ruined it with the last one. Disaster movies are amazing, they are the definition of good bad movies

 

 **Lexa:** They are too inaccurate and over-dramatized for them to be considered a so called “good, bad movie.”

 

 **Clarke:** That’s what makes it entertaining! I’m seriously re-considering going out with you because of that

 

 **Lexa:** Seeing as I never received a response, I thought you already were

 

 **Clarke:** omg! Sorry I thought I did! In my head I said ~I’d love to~ I swear. I’d really like it if we went out next weekend

 

 **Lexa:** It’s okay, I would like that too.

 

 **Clarke:** It’s a date :) thanks for your opinions, I should probably go before I’ve been gone too long

 

 **Lexa:** Have fun!

         Oh and Clarke, they already wanted to hang out with you. They like you for you, you don’t have anything to prove, just be yourself.

 

There isn't an instant response and for a second Lexa thinks she may have overstepped. That feeling is quickly forgotten when her phone lights up again

 

 **Clarke:** thank you

 

Lexa leans back in her seat, a weight that had apparently settled while she waited for a rejection, lifts off her. She has a date with Clarke. She’s going on a date with Clarke! Oh god, why did she have to make it so far away? Now she has more time to overthink it, imagine all the ways it could go wrong. It could go right she says to herself to stop her brain from spiraling. It’s not like they haven’t hung out. It’ll be fine. Better than.

 

She smiles. She has a date set up with Clarke.

 

A chip lands in her hair.

 

“Stop making hearteyes at your phone and pay attention.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter- Sunday dinner with David and Lexa? Maybe? You'll see
> 
> Thanks for reading xx


End file.
